05 Jun 2019, 4:24 pm
05 Jun 2019, 5:47 pm
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
05 Jun 2019, 8:11 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
If he truly understood your mutism and your hesitation he might say things such as:
- I understand how you feel
- I have done some research about mutism, and learned that .... xyz .....
- I realise how important it is not to force a communicative situation (whether one person is mute or not)
- I care about you and I will wait as long as it take someone
- What are some ways I can be your friend in the meantime?
Just my thoughts. ^
It's lovely to see you back though. I missed you.
- I understand how you feel
- I have done some research about mutism, and learned that .... xyz .....
- I realise how important it is not to force a communicative situation (whether one person is mute or not)
- I care about you and I will wait as long as it take someone
- What are some ways I can be your friend in the meantime?
Just my thoughts. ^
It's lovely to see you back though. I missed you.
I was thinking he could probably have said things like that, too. In one message, he said “Don’t wait, let’s do it.” He offered to come to my street (I didn’t tell him where I live, only that I live near somewhere else) and drive me to the restaurant. That was nice to offer, but I don’t know him enough to get in a car with him. He seems so desperate that it feels like he has to be joking and isn’t serious.
It’s nice to see you back, too.
I’ve still been reading the forum sometimes, and I saw some people saying they missed you, so I was hoping you hadn’t left.AquaineBay wrote:
I can think of only three things right now.
1)He has no idea how he comes across to other people.
2) He's a Hopeless Romantic and is getting too excited.
3) He is manipulating you in some way.
The whispering in his ear is suspicious as that's breaking a lot of personal boundaries when first meeting someone. I would be careful cause number 2 and 3 sound more likely then 1.
You could recommend video chatting first and then meeting to get a better feel for him.
1)He has no idea how he comes across to other people.
2) He's a Hopeless Romantic and is getting too excited.
3) He is manipulating you in some way.
The whispering in his ear is suspicious as that's breaking a lot of personal boundaries when first meeting someone. I would be careful cause number 2 and 3 sound more likely then 1.
You could recommend video chatting first and then meeting to get a better feel for him.
He said twice that he would love to do a phone call, and that it would help him with waiting. I sent a short voice recording, but I would want to be home alone for a call so no one can hear me. I never know when that will be.
madbutnotmad wrote:
may i give some advice. and I hope i do not offend anyone here.
I would like to advise out of experience, i will be as objective as possible and i will be completely honest.
OK. Firstly, please be aware that the people who use dating sites are as diverse as people come.
So, you may get lucky, and find the perfect match straight away. Which of course would be awesome.
However, they say dating, even when people are being completely honest. Can be very hit and miss.
Some people may like you, some may not. Some people you may like, others you may not. etc.
Please be-aware that some people may simply trying to get you to give them sex. Which there is essentially nothing
wrong with, as long as you want the same things, and it doesn't break any party's involved religious beliefs.
Some men can be real douche bags in that they will pressure woman to have sex. Now, in the neurotypical world
there is of course some things that don't come natural to people with autism.
Woman who want to have sex, may say that their not that type of girl to a persons face, as they don't want to give the perception that they are that type of person, even though they are. So.. yep. complex.
So some guys who understand that will push a woman who says their not that type of girl, so as to get them to say yes.
Which is ok if both parties are cool with this. But for people with autism, we may not fully understand and neuro typical people may not fully understand autism. so if you say no, the neurotypical person may continue to push, thinking that your one of the woman that says no but actually means yes.
So, you understand. it can all get very complex.
Personally, if i was not comfortable about meeting with a person until 6 months. i would just tell them that's how it is.
If they are truly interested in you, they will wait.
However one warning here. if a person does agree to wait. And then during the 6 months. the partner starts to go out with other romantic partners or starts to act up in any way. I would say you have to consider what to do from there on. as there is nothing worse than waiting for a length of time, to find out that you have been lied to.
As although the deceiving party may have thought that they have tricked you, and got the best of all situations.
What they have done is proven they are not trust worthy. or faithful. now,. if these things upset you
then, sure i would move on.
Personally, being a fairly morally rigid asperger, i say what i mean and mean what i say. if you know what i mean
so if any one betrays me by telling big lies, cheating etc. i lose respect and also know they are not always trust worthy.
which for me is a deal breaker.
Some guys just want to hook up, have jiggy jiggy and move on, to put another notch on their belt.
Which is ok if all parties involved are happy with that.
I am not saying this is the case with the guy who you have been communicating with, as it may not.
But hey, if he likes you enough, he will wait.
I would like to advise out of experience, i will be as objective as possible and i will be completely honest.
OK. Firstly, please be aware that the people who use dating sites are as diverse as people come.
So, you may get lucky, and find the perfect match straight away. Which of course would be awesome.
However, they say dating, even when people are being completely honest. Can be very hit and miss.
Some people may like you, some may not. Some people you may like, others you may not. etc.
Please be-aware that some people may simply trying to get you to give them sex. Which there is essentially nothing
wrong with, as long as you want the same things, and it doesn't break any party's involved religious beliefs.
Some men can be real douche bags in that they will pressure woman to have sex. Now, in the neurotypical world
there is of course some things that don't come natural to people with autism.
Woman who want to have sex, may say that their not that type of girl to a persons face, as they don't want to give the perception that they are that type of person, even though they are. So.. yep. complex.
So some guys who understand that will push a woman who says their not that type of girl, so as to get them to say yes.
Which is ok if both parties are cool with this. But for people with autism, we may not fully understand and neuro typical people may not fully understand autism. so if you say no, the neurotypical person may continue to push, thinking that your one of the woman that says no but actually means yes.
So, you understand. it can all get very complex.
Personally, if i was not comfortable about meeting with a person until 6 months. i would just tell them that's how it is.
If they are truly interested in you, they will wait.
However one warning here. if a person does agree to wait. And then during the 6 months. the partner starts to go out with other romantic partners or starts to act up in any way. I would say you have to consider what to do from there on. as there is nothing worse than waiting for a length of time, to find out that you have been lied to.
As although the deceiving party may have thought that they have tricked you, and got the best of all situations.
What they have done is proven they are not trust worthy. or faithful. now,. if these things upset you
then, sure i would move on.
Personally, being a fairly morally rigid asperger, i say what i mean and mean what i say. if you know what i mean
so if any one betrays me by telling big lies, cheating etc. i lose respect and also know they are not always trust worthy.
which for me is a deal breaker.
Some guys just want to hook up, have jiggy jiggy and move on, to put another notch on their belt.
Which is ok if all parties involved are happy with that.
I am not saying this is the case with the guy who you have been communicating with, as it may not.
But hey, if he likes you enough, he will wait.
He has asked me if I would do certain things with him and has been bringing it up a lot, in some ways that make me uncomfortable, so that makes me think he might only want that. No one else I’ve talked to on there has been like that, and they haven’t been anywhere near as pushy or desperate, either.
When I think more about waiting about six months to meet anyone, I think of what could happen in the time before we meet, and I don’t like the thought of it. I would feel like I’d been cheated on even if we weren’t in a relationship yet. It might be a better idea for me to stop going on there until I’ve improved some things I want to improve, then try again when I’m ready. There have been a few other men on there who sounded more like what I’m looking for, so there will be more another time.
When someone is nice and sounds like they might be good for me, I think “What if they were the one I was meant to be with?” if I stop talking to them, and then I feel like I’ve lost a chance. I don’t like hurting anyone, either. I haven’t read his latest message, and I’m thinking of ignoring it.
05 Jun 2019, 8:50 pm
SilentJessica wrote:
It might be a better idea for me to stop going on there until I’ve improved some things I want to improve, then try again when I’m ready. There have been a few other men on there who sounded more like what I’m looking for, so there will be more another time.[/color]
I think this says it all! ^ Good for you!
I won't speak on a telephone if there is anyone within earshot, so I know how you feel. (I don't even like telephones in private!) I've never left a voice mail message in my life!!
I'd love to chat more about your experiences with mutism some time, if you are interested. It's certainly very difficult and frustrating to navigate, and the phenomenon is poorly understood even among professionals.
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
06 Jun 2019, 12:00 am
IsabellaLinton wrote:
SilentJessica wrote:
It might be a better idea for me to stop going on there until I’ve improved some things I want to improve, then try again when I’m ready. There have been a few other men on there who sounded more like what I’m looking for, so there will be more another time.[/color]
I think this says it all! ^ Good for you!
I won't speak on a telephone if there is anyone within earshot, so I know how you feel. (I don't even like telephones in private!) I've never left a voice mail message in my life!!
I'd love to chat more about your experiences with mutism some time, if you are interested. It's certainly very difficult and frustrating to navigate, and the phenomenon is poorly understood even among professionals.
He has sent three messages today, and it’s hard not to read them or reply, but I don’t know much about him and from what I can tell so far, it’s not really what I want. He might only want one thing, and expect that to happen almost as soon as I met him if I was going to.
I finally told my mum I want to try therapy again, so this has helped me with that a bit.
Whenever I’ve sent voice recordings, it was only a few words and I sounded very nervous. If it was to a company/business, it would be much harder. I would be interested in that.
I’ve read about a lot of people who had people being mean towards them because they didn’t understand.
06 Jun 2019, 7:17 am
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
06 Jun 2019, 9:47 am
06 Jun 2019, 12:11 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
06 Jun 2019, 12:33 pm
06 Jun 2019, 3:51 pm
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
06 Jun 2019, 5:03 pm
Yeah, that last conversation didn't sound good ...
Please be careful 
06 Jun 2019, 5:36 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
07 Jun 2019, 12:54 am
07 Jun 2019, 1:27 am
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
07 Jun 2019, 2:15 am
07 Jun 2019, 4:18 am
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