Unreasonable demands?

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No healthy relationship can be based on a "my way or the highway attitude". And just to mention, having AS doesn't make people slobs or prompt them to treat their partners like personal servants. Personally, I don't think it matters that much if he acts like this because of his upbringing or being on the spectrum or because he's a jerk, the only thing that matters is whether he's willing and capable of showing you any consideration and respect.

If you want to let him take advantage of you because he's handsome that's your business, but you'll be missing out on having a partner that loves you. Him telling you to go back to your mother and spelling it out he doesn't need you or care if you leave should tell you all you need to know about how he sees and feels about you.

Short version:

I've found it better in the long term to take the "Highway" option, because the "My Way" option is always something that is degrading, demeaning, and/or humiliating in some way.

Also, people who issue the "My Way or the Highway" ultimatum seem to believe that leaving them would be disastrous for the person on the receiving end of the ultimatum -- they seem to believe that the only possible choice is to take is the "My Way" option, as if being with them is the best that anyone could hope for. They also seem to be arrogant, conceited, and narcissistic.

They were all shocked speechless when I paused, smiled, said "Good-Bye", and walked away.

^
Yep, all of it. Been there, done that, all I have to say to people in similar situations is: RUN! Sooner rather than later, as long as you still have your sanity and self-respect. Also, never threaten them to leave, then stay, it's the worst possible thing you can do.

Submitting to one ultimatum means that the same ultimatum will be used again and again to coerce you into surrendering progressively more of yourself to someone else's control. Eventually, you become a mere husk of the person you once were, completely under the control of an absolute tyrant.

Travel my way. Take the highway. That is best.

… on Route 66 …

So he is hot looking, that what really matters.

Maybe he doesn’t know how to do house chores? Maybe he needs some.... education?

From what the OP said, he doesn't want to do it, I wonder what he was doing before she moved in

[rant] I really can't believe he leaves dirty dishes and towels all over the place because he doesn't know how to put them back. I'm ok with disorganised people and having a bit of a mess, but I hate filth and somebody deliberately leaving dirty stuff all over the place and asking me to pick up after them would make me instantly leave for fear of murdering them It's not just nasty, it's freaking disrespectful, I can't stand spoiled people [rant]

Just going to say when I mentioned the ultimatum, it was not with the attitude that I want the OP's partner to be screwed over or have his life ruined.

My thinking was more if he absolutely refuses to address the issues mentioned, it might be a way to make him take it seriously and be more willing to 'compromise'. I certainly was not suggesting the O.P wear him down with ultimatums till he is only a husk of his former self.

Yeah, asking someone to pick up their own trash is hardly unreasonable.

Bottom line is that one partner has complaints and the other partner basically says "I don't care and if you don't like it you can leave." That is a partner who doesn't want to act like a partner.

So she has two choices: 1. she can continue on as is; or 2. she can state her boundaries, and if he refuses, she can walk.

Yeah there is a difference between leaving a bowl or plate on a table after you are done eating and then it's sitting there overnight but then you bring it to the kitchen when you see it and are going in there. From the sound of it, this isn't what is going on with the OP's partner and he will just leave them there and they will get piled up and never move spot unless the OP does something about it. She is basically his slave.

I think as you love your partner it might be worthwhile getting a third party like a marriage counsellor to provide objective feedback to both of you as you speak openly about each of your respective concerns.

This might provide an opportunity for your partner to pick up on any bias or lack of insight he has into how you are feeling.

I am a little concerned about his telling you to pay more toward household bills. This might stem from his anxiety over whether you both can afford your current lifestyle or his aspirations of how you both will live in the future. Asking a partner to pull their weight financially is unfair if you don't have the means. If he is making this an issue during counselling then I would question what his concept of love amounts to?

On the other matter on spending time with you; his Aspergers might make him more conducive to "me time" and he might also need his space to run the home business without distraction (I kind of relate to this as I used to work from home for about 5 years and was easily distracted if my wife asked me to do chores). You may need to be a little tolerant here but I think you are justified in asking him (and counselling might be the time to tell him) to be more attentive to spending more together. You both don't have kids so in that regard he really doesn't have an excuse.

^^^ I would of suggested couples counseling cyberdad but considering a couple of the things he's told her, I highly doubt he'd be receptive to that idea.

It seems like he only wants a partner on HIS terms & he isn't willing to compromise. He might be better off with a woman who wants to be a homemaker instead of having a job she goes to & who also likes a lot of alone time.

I take your point and agree on principle that he is unlikely to ever comply.

However, the OP has indicated her love for her partner which means she does hold some level of trust. Only with this in mind have I recommended couples counselling. Otherwise he sounds like a "pain in the backside" to live with.

He was probably that spoiled in his childhood, the OP said he bad a bad childhood but his current behavior is a sign of...an unhealthy spoiled childhood?

Possibly spoilt, parents most likely did chores and he might have used his Aspergers to get out of doing stuff around the house.

My daughter is a master manipulator at getting out of household chores but we eventually get her to do things (although she strangely loves collecting/taking the recycling rubbish out)

There are cases of some but probably a small percent of Aspies who've had a pretty rough life growing up & dealt with things by becoming inconsiderate a$$holes cuz they feel like the world & everyone else owes them. It's kinda a poor form of self-protection so they won't feel like they're getting screwed over since they felt that way alot in the past. I know an Aspie offline who's like this. He's lonely & wants friends & a girlfriend at times but he pushes everyone away by his way or the highway attitude & he's also very critical of others. I'm not sure if this is the case with the OP's guy but it wouldn't surprise me.