Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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Most people get relationships through friendship networks, something that autistic guys don’t have.

Most people get relationships through friendship networks, something that autistic guys don’t have.

That's questionable. I had some close friends from age 16 to age 33. We hung out in large groups of extended friends, which included women. And I just couldn't bring myself to approach any of those women. I was hideously ugly, so it went without saying they didn't like me. They also had severe hangups about dancing with an unattractive man, even though I see it as a social, rather than a romantic, activity. In addition, I found them very snooty and cliquish. So I always balk at whoever suggests meeting women through friends.

All my successful relationships were from online dating. Back then, it was nothing like today. Even ugly men like me were able to make it work. So I had quite a bit of luck with it, even with women I found cute.

And from 2005 to 2017, escorts took the edge off for me as well.

In the last few years, I did a complete 180. I want no part of romantic relationships, and the notion of sex disgusts me.

So what does that make me?

I can understand why those in the autism community may not want to be associated with murderers like this, but we shouldn't let emotional biases cloud our vision. The issue of autistic guys having frustration and resentment build up due to facing years of bullying, loneliness, alienation, rejection, etc. and then in extreme cases being released in an explosion of violence like this is one that I think ought to be addressed rather than swept under the rug due to political correctness.

In other words, you weren't really accepted by most of the people in this particular circle of extended "friends." How do you know you wouldn't have been more accepted in a different circle, had you managed to find a different and better set of friends?

That's very interesting. In what specific ways was online dating back then different from what it's like now, such that you were able to make it work for you back then?

Because of some very bad experiences, or for some other reason?

Not sure, but you're clearly not an "incel."

He was a physically good-looking man. His mind, though, was in the sewers.

If you've ever spent any time observing or engaging with the incel community it becomes clear that many or even perhaps most of them are on the autism spectrum. Most of them aren't just losers in that they can't get laid but they're also unemployed, lack friends, have severe social anxiety and depression, barely ever leave their house etc. which are all common issues for those of an autistic persuasion and shouldn't be the case if their only issue was that they simply weren't that attractive.

Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

”Looks” is something they cannot readily change, primarily because they were born with their looks. Thus, their “looks” are not a matter of choice to them but something they are cursed with.

However, anything they can change (i.e., unemployment, lack of social skills, et cetera) seem to always be someone else’s fault; e.g., there is always some other group (the inevitable ‘they’) that doesn’t want the ‘incel’ to have a social life.

Finally, many don’t seem to realize how really unattractive any kind of ‘creepy’ behavior (i.e., rocking, staring, stimming, et cetera) and ‘weird’ interests (i.e., collecting Nazi paraphrenalia, trainspotting, et cetera) really are to neuro-normative people. They never seem to realize that when out in public, someone will always be watching them, and their ‘strangeness’ will be noted and commented on later.

Again, the ‘incels’ always seem to have a scapegoat for their social isolation, and that scapegoat is always someone other than themselves and something other than their own behavior. I’ve said it many times...

If they want to be accepted, they need to first be acceptable.
If they want to be liked, they need to first be likable.
They shouldn’t expect society to include them just because they exist.

(i.e., collecting Nazi paraphrenalia,

Well personally it was quite obvious after having watched his vlogs and reading his manifesto (takes one to know one - in regards to the autism at least) but there is also some solid evidence from various sources which I have dug up:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-27562917
"Earlier, Peter Rodger's lawyer, Alan Shifman, said that the "family believes the child was the perpetrator".
He said Mr Rodger's son had been "diagnosed at an earlier age of being a highly functional Asperger Syndrome child", had trouble making friends and had been receiving professional help."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings
"According to his mother, Rodger was diagnosed as having Asperger syndrome, but a formal medical diagnosis of the disorder was not made.[71] He was in fact diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified, another autism spectrum disorder, in 2007."

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 044AAw6Fks
Here is a yahoo answers question by him asking if he can purchase a gun while diagnosed with autism (which he mentions being on SSI benefits for):
"Can I buy a gun if I am diagnosed with autism?
I am diagnosed with a minor case of autism and I recieve SSI benefits. Will I still be allowed to purchase a gun in California?"

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/02/us/e ... rawal.html
"Mr. Rodger’s mother, Li Chin, filed an affidavit describing Elliot as a “high-functioning autistic child,” and said she needed more child support to care for him.

“He wasn’t just a little withdrawn,” Mr. Astaire said. “He was as withdrawn as any person I ever met in my life.”

Ms. Smith, who became the principal of Independence the year Mr. Rodger was a junior, said he had displayed classic symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome: He was socially awkward, had trouble making eye contact and was very withdrawn, if very smart. “Sometimes at lunch, kids would encourage him to join their tables,” she said. “Sometimes he would. But even when he did, he would just kind of be present.”
His longest conversations seemed to be with one of the special-education assistants, with whom he would discuss World of Warcraft.
“He had this push and pull between his desire to engage socially and his fear of rejection,” Ms. Smith said.
Yet he was liked at Independence. Ms. Smith said that some of the students had felt protective of him, and that staff members had referred to him as “our Elliot.”
They lost track of him after he graduated and headed to Pierce College, one of a series of colleges he attended before landing in Isla Vista. About a year later, Ms. Smith said, the boy’s parents sent an email with an upbeat report on Elliot. It was the last time anyone gave “our Elliot” much thought, until he emerged 10 days ago, defined by his 140-page manifesto and videos.
“That’s not the kid that I knew,” Ms. Smith said. “He presented as very innocent, very soft-spoken. He never even raised his voice.”"

I can understand why those in the autism community may not want to be associated with murderers like this, but we shouldn't let emotional biases cloud our vision. The issue of autistic guys having frustration and resentment build up due to facing years of bullying, loneliness, alienation, rejection, etc. and then in extreme cases being released in an explosion of violence like this is one that I think ought to be addressed rather than swept under the rug due to political correctness.



Well to be fair I'm repeating hearsay and I don't have absolute proof but according to https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Elliot_Rodger there was only one documented instance in his manifesto of anything even coming close to an approach:
"One time, as I was walking across the huge bridge that connected the two campuses, I passed by a girl I thought was pretty and said “Hi” as we neared each other. She kept on walking and didn’t even have the grace to respond to me. How dare she! That foul b***h. I felt so humiliated that I went to one of the school bathrooms, locked myself in a toilet stall, and cried for an hour."

As for the rest of your comment you make some good observations thanks.