My Ex broke up with me, because I deserve better?

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Thank you everyone! I'm taking time for myself with zero contact to him this week. And will be his friend, but I'm taking time for me first. Who knows what will happen in the future.

That's a good attitude.

I used to regularly use this excuse when I broke up with people because I didn't want to hurt their feelings too badly but definitely knew I didn't want to date them anymore.

Don't push the issue and give him space. Let him initiate social interactions with you. Try not to be the one to talk first, he may be just as confused as you are.

Next time, if someone telling you that again use this line at him:

“Yes, you are right, I deserve better. You sucked in every way.”

To me when people say you deserve better, they are doing you a big favor and they don't want to hurt you with their problems and become the crazy ex when you both break up. So break up sooner and they won't be a crazy ex.

I agree.
I've considered breaking up with my current girlfriend because I really do feel she deserves better than me. We both have various issues we're dealing with & when she's in a bad mood she blames me for things that are probably unrelated to me. I sometimes feel like I'm a bad person because I'm not supporting her & taking care of her as well as I should. I talk about this with Cass sometimes & she feels like she's not good enough for anyone cuz of her issues. She feels bad for blaming me & for making me feel bad & she believes that she'd be like that with anyone she'd be in a romantic relationship with & living with. I guess we're both insecure & need a bit or a lot of reassurance sometimes.


Good plan

you deserve someone who's willing to work on the problems in the relationship and not shut down/avoid you for long stretches..

So I actually just had the same thing happen to me about a week ago where my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke it off because he didn't want to bring me into his sauerkraut life. He had been trying to get his life together ever since we got together and ran into bad luck every single time. He has now lost everything and realized that he can't come through for me like he wanted to and I have known about it for a while because my parents stayed on my case about it for a while. They don't know half the things that went on with him because all they would do is say I told you so. Sometimes things just don't work out and that's the way things go.

I think that your ex is probably genuine and probably sees more in you that he can't do anything for or something like that. Its still gonna be hard but look at it as he was honest about it and let you know instead of you having to find out from someone else by means if him cheating on you.

I wish you well during this difficult time.

I went through something like this before. I was the aspie in the relationship. I broke up with her after six months of dating, the day before Valentines Day. I got scared and I was overthinking. I wanted her back, I was just scared, she knew I had feelings for her. She said she wouldn’t see me until I did 20 doctors appointments with a psychiatrist. She cut off communications with me. I tried to talk to her for six months. She told me that she was happy I was halfway there with the agreement. We reunited three years ago and we broke up last summer.
I talked to her about moving in together, she wanted a place for her eight cats. They were more important to her than me. That was the end.
My advice to you, talk to him, tell him how you feel. Ask if he wants to give it another try. If he says no, ask if you can still be friends then. I hope this helps.

Outsider85

If he does say you deserve better again. Tell him “let me be the judge of that, a true gentleman lets a lady decide for herself”

Good plan. Sorry you're having to deal with this. It sounds to me like you're on the right track. This part here is your first clue:

Exactly what way does he think he should feel towards you? Moreover, what do YOU think he should feel towards you? Getting dumped over something like that is a potential bullet-dodge. Be grateful he spared you worse problems down the line.

Zero contact is a good first step. As far as being his friend goes, in my experience, I wouldn't bet on that ever happening. It's not that I think it's impossible, I just think having been in a relationship with him and not wanting to break up yourself, you might be accumulating some unrealistic expectations that things can work out. I admit that I've broken up with the same girl multiple times only to end up married with 3 children. But that has been the ONLY exception for me--the last time I tried getting back with an old girlfriend, it didn't work out well. And most times before that the girls were just, like, NO. If someone tells you "we can still be friends," that's more of a courtesy than an invitation. What happened with me was that the girl and I had too much history to stop being friends. So I'd leave her for another girl, and things wouldn't work out, and then she'd go out with some other guy just to make me jealous, or I'd move across the country for grad school, or she'd move to MEXICO... You can't be best friends, spend so much time together, have feelings for each other, and not end up really right back where you started. I dunno if that's your story, but being able to pull that off is exceptional. It's also stressful, because you pull so much drama into breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together, cheating, dealing with abuse, dealing with distance, dealing, dealing, dealing... Keep things simple. Move on. Be happy.

This is also important:

Before all else, this is where you need to live. Best wishes!

It sounds to me like he just isn't in the life space for this relationship. I am glad you are deciding to move on. Remember that IF you two are meant to be, then someday you will be, even if that means years or decades apart. Don't hang onto that, though; just move on.

Thank you everyone. We got back together, but taking it slow and communicating a lot more. He's reason for the break up is because he struggles with empathy towards everyone, including myself, which I already understood going into the relationship, so that's why we're back together.

(clapping my hands in joy for you two). I hope you two are very happy together .