A suggestion for some (not all) heterosexual autistic men

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Better to be in hole together then in hole alone.

I kinda agree but the problem I have is that I feel bad for anyone else in the hole with me & I feel selfish for wanting her with me instead of her being with someone who can much better help her get out.

Two reasons:

1) Because quite a few heterosexual men here have been complaining about gender ratios being against them in the places where they have been looking for potential dates. So a depression support group is one place where the gender ratio would be in their favor.

2) I'm not sure, but I suspect that an allistic heterosexual woman suffering from depression might (other factors being equal) be less likely than the average allistic woman to turn her nose up at the idea of a relationship with an autistic man. For one thing, she is likely to have a hard time finding any man willing to stick around long enough to have a longterm relationship with her or even a longterm friendship with her. (See Depression Steals Your Soul and Then It Takes Your Friends.)

Personally, I feel that the ideal relationship for an autistic person is with another autistic person with similar interests and compatible traits, similar enough to understand each other well, but different enough to complement each other in terms of various abilities. But it's obviously not feasible for every autistic heterosexual man to have such a relationship, given the ratio of autistic men to autistic women. So my suggestion is one possible alternative for autistic heterosexual men.

However, my suggestion certainly isn't for every autistic heterosexual man. For example, it isn't for you if you're the kind of autistic person who gets easily overwhelmed by other people's feelings.

Also, in such a relationship, it's extremely important for both partners to be assertive (without being aggressive) and to know their boundaries. (But that's true for any relationship, IMO.)

So I'm not sure yet if I'm "allistic" or not but I find this assumption just insulting, especially as one who suffered with severe depression. I should think a ND man would be insulted too, to think that a woman liked him only because she didn't see a chance with a NT.
And I'll mention it was a long term male friend who helped me through a depressive episode.
I think you're really on the wrong track with this suggestion generally.

Been in the midst of a period of depression with S.A.D. compounding other issues I think that this is a good idea. Have been considering re-starting therapy, but am hesitant to go down than road again. This might be a possible path to climbing out of the funk. I will look into it.

I was a member of a depression support group for a while. It was also for anxiety & bipolar disorder thou. We didn't have many members & only a couple regular 1s besides me. Plus most of the members were older. I was in my early or mid 20s & every member was at least in their 30s except for one girl who was a couple years younger than me but she had a boyfriend.

It's better for two people to be in the hole together----yes.

That way, at least one person could, with time, find the ladder. You are a team of two. You could seek to find the ladder together.

Trust me, thinking about a relationship is the LAST thing you want to be doing (or are doing) in group or even single therapy when you are deep in that hole. One does not go to therapy to pick up a date, in the hopes of using said date as a crutch. As depressed as I was, there was no way I would have dated any of the depressed guys in my group. Neither party is healthy. As they say in AA, new relationships and recovery don't mix.
This suggestion is terrible advice.

All I'm saying is that two people in the hole is better than one person in the hole.

Even as friends. I'm not necessarily talking about romance here.

Friends, support maybe, but two f*#%up ppl in a relationship is an incredibly bad combo that can become toxic (and can impede each others progress). I've seen it in my own family.

You may have lack of social support networks. Autism makes communication difficult, the world does not understand you and you were more than likely bullied through out your childhood. The bullying gets worse during Middle school and High school. The bullying would turn to social exclusion and this help shape you as being an unhappy adult. An unhappy child often ends up an unhappy adult and does what he/she can do to cope with their situation.

I was bullied, etc., as a child and adolescent. All the time. With great consistency. Some of it was violent, though only to a moderate degree.

I was a pariah amongst pariahs. I was even bullied in my special school by kids who would have been bullied in "regular" school.

Yet, I told myself that I'm a viable person, no matter what anybody else might think.

I just told myself, when I turned 18, that I have to start with a "clean slate."

All in all, for the most part, this philosophy has worked well for me.

I do NOT think of it as either of us being f#ckedup. Would you tell somebody with a physical disability or illness that they're f#ckedup & shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else who has one You could also say that people on the spectrum are f#ckedup mentally compared to NTs since autism is considered a disorder & a disability like depression is. I see things like having depression as having a mental disability.

no I would not say it to someone with a physical disability; you can still have that and be mentally/emotionally fine. I would say it to someone with an emotional "disability". I'm not talking about ASD without depression, I'm talking ASD with depression, or a personality disorder with depression, or stand alone depression. Do not look for relationships when you are emotionally unhealthy. Do not expect that someone equally emotionally unhealthy can or should be your crutch. Do not expect to have an emotionally healthy relationship until you have done the work to become emotionally healthy yourself.

Most ASD people have socially awkward and introverted personalities and this makes it hard for social interactions to form friendships or relationships. It is a lot more difficult for males with ASD because males are expected to be initiators and confident in social situations.

Males with social awkward introverted personalities are labelled as weird, evil, freaks, dangerous by mainstream society. Being an introverted male is a very bad situation that Autistic males find themselves in. The villains/criminals in Tv shows, Movies and in real life have often been socially awkward introverted guys.

Having to explain you have Autism to every single person you meet and hope they accept you is a bad situation. It is easier to avoid social situations instead of potentially being rejected or humiliated.

Agreed

Don't go to a depression group to find a women , go to a depression group for your depression and no other reason otherwise you are exhibiting predatory behaviour - preying on the weak so to speak.