I think my boyfriend might have Aspergers

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Thanks for your opinions. It's really clear to me that I love this guy and now that I have figured out what might cause his behavior I am way more patient and less worried.
To be fair, I really struggled with the thought that he is just an a**hole at times and then extremely sweet and nice after a while again. It just didn't make sense and I started to think that I might be losing my mind.
I still didn't tell him about my suspicion, but I'm slowly sharing my observations about his character that might ring the bell at some point. I think he has some prejudices towards autism and he might feel offended that I think he has that.
It's good to hear some of your thoughts on it, thank you.

Really really nice when someone comes back like this, having started the thread and triggered an avalanche (as it were).

Glad you no longer think you're losing your mind.

Good luck with this drip-feed tactic! Your point about his possible prejudices regarding A.S.D. is a very delicate one. I can think of times in my younger life when I might have reacted adversely to any suggestion I might be on the spectrum. By the time I was 25, I was pretty convinced I was on the spectrum, yet even then, when my lazy psychiatrist dismissed the possibility, part of me felt kind of relieved not to have that label attached, even though in very many ways the diagnosis would have helped me to make sense of myself (which the psychiatrist certainly wasn't helping me to do) and would have shed light on my chronic difficulties relating to people. Which would have been to the advantage of the people around me, as well as to me!

Best wishes. Hopefully if you were to have any other queries you would feel able to raise them in a thread on here.

I had similar thoughts regarding my aspie friend, I actually suspected that he was a sociopath at one point. Like you a stubborn instinct kept me trying, I felt that there was something drawing me to him. Ultimately I began to open up more and trust him and revealed how altruistic he actually is. I am not sure that you need a diagnosis or that you should push him to get one. He is who he is. It's not easy to have an aspie/NT relationship, it requires a lot of decoding on both sides.

The things that you find difficult will not go away, but you will also discover good and special qualities. It is impossible to fix people and mould them into our ideal partners (women often try, especially the "rescuers" ) so it's a matter of what I can accept and live with.

This, from a different thread, has just struck me as potentially relevant to the question of someone who doesn't know he has A.S.D. and the potential difficulty of putting it to him.

Although the gentleman I'm quoting doesn't seem to have reacted with denial or hostility, one can see the potential for denial and/or hostility if someone were unaware of A.S.D. and had never considered the possibility of such a diagnosis. How to avoid provoking a negative reaction, I alas am uncertain. But hopefully having known the guy for so long, Bonifaz will be able to think of a way, if she still considers it worthwhile.

I guess you're right there, I know I can't "fix" him.
Although I think some things actually could change. What bothers me in our relationship is that he blames all the problems and fights we have on me, because for him all his behavior makes perfect sense and he doesn't understand that there's more perspectives than his own. This hurts, I feel mistreated and misunderstood. And just taking a deep breath and telling myself that he just doesn't know better doesn't always cut it for me.
So I'm hoping that there will be a clear explanation in the room that we both can refer to whenever there's a serious misunderstanding: That we are wired differently and have to switch from intuition to intellect to solve a situation.
That's the only thing that I want to change and i believe it's possible once he knows he got ASD.



Trying my best! I think most important is to keep reassuring him of my commitment while at it, so he knows it's not at all a deal breaker for me.