How do you guys do the "no contact" thing?

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Most likely #1.

You are way overanalysing this.

She asked if you wanted to chat. You waited a little bit, then you chatted about school. You HAVE chatted, and in doing so it answered her question "Do you want to chat?"

Relationships aren't about mind games and calculated chess moves. Either you want to talk to her and you do so in an authentic and consistent manner, or you tell her politely that you aren't interested. Then, you stop communicating with each other with both people being aware.

I agree. Games suck....especially for us Aspie/Autistics.

I don't enjoy playing those sort of crap games.

You can message her, ask her how she's doing. Stuff like that. Talk about the "problems" you mentioned previously, perhaps.

Don't get too "heavy" or "philosophical" unless she starts getting like that.

I guess I meant skyping: normally we skype either friday night or sunday night. But this time she never brought it up after asking that question about "chatting". In the past I used the word "chat" as synonym of skyping so she "might" have been referring to it, "or she might not have". I don't know.



I don't want to tell her I am not intersted, because I am interested. I guess having her around while ignoring her would give me an ego boost that I need in order to "compensate" for the past situations where I was hurt by the other people ghosting me and me desperately waiting for their messages.

And it doesn't even have to be other people, even if I take her. She told me that its a bit of a turn off when I was too eager (although she said she didn't make up her mind one way or the other) so why not compensate for it by doing the opposite?

I don't think this sort of game works for most people.

I would just do like you've been doing before: The Friday/Saturday night Skype chats.

You won't come across as "too eager" if you don't talk sexual, or start asking to talk to her every day.

Ah. I've never Skyped, nor would I, so this didn't cross my mind.



She isn't a therapy toy, or a human ego booster. She's a real person. Please don't hold her accountable for what other people have done.



Even if you take her? Take her where? Compensating by doing the opposite is wrong, because it sounds like you are being fake and playing mind games. I would be uncomfortable if a person vacillated between seeming too eager, and then ghosting me on purpose to pretend they aren't interested. You are probably causing her tremendous anxiety if she is indeed interested. Why are you doing this? Just be real with this person and honest in your interactions.

I never talked sexual. So, by default, that wasn't an issue. The issues that she mentioned (a week or two "before" I did the no-contact thing) were the following:

a) She is adventist, I am not. Yes I am Messianic so I believe in saturday sabbath and thats why I was super excited about her being adventist since it was the first person I met on a dating site that shared saturday belief with me. On the other hand, to her it was the opposite. I was the first guy that she talked on a dating site who was "not" adventist. She is 37 now, but she didn't have successful dating experiences. Her past relationsihps were all short term and she was rejected a lot. Thats why she decided to expend her scope to people other htan adventists -- which is why she talked to me on the first place -- but then she has reservations that go along with it, since she always hoped to raise adventist family. She still "considers" me, since we share some similar beliefs, but she says she has to learn more about my faith in order to decide whether the differences between our beliefs are deal breakers or not.

b) She lives in Michigan I live in New Mexico. And she doesn't want to commit until we meet in person. But, like I mentioned, when I suggest meeting she says she knows its expensive. So I am not sure if its genuine concern about money or just a way to turn me down gently. But like I mentioned in the previous reply, the way I "would" see her is by finding a physics conference near where she lives, and thats what I told her.

c) I keep asking her questions about my social interaction problems with the people she doesn't even know, so she feels like I am using her as a therapist. She admitted that sometimes she complains to her friend -- but she says she knows her friend for a really long time -- so she feels I proceeded a bit too fast by complaining to her so much when we only talked for a couple of weeks.

d) I keep asking her whether or not various things I said to her are the turn offs. She said she sincerely can't answer those questions since she needs time to think about things I say and process them -- so by my asking her those questions she feels pushed. Likewise, she also feels pushed when I ask her about the future committment in general, such as "is our relationship a possibility", "did you make up your mind not to date me", etc since -- due to the reservations listed above -- she needs time to think about it, so she doesn't want me to keep pushing her for an answer.

She doesn't appear anxious at all. So are you saying that the contra-positive of the statement quoted above is the answer to my question: IF she was interested she would be anxious, BUT she is NOT anxious,THEREFORE, she is NOT interested?

Or are you saying that perhaps she IS anxious after all, she just does a really good job at hiding it? I mean I have no evidence for this, she appears super calm whenever I talk to her.

She probably would feel better if you didn't mention the "potential relationship."

Perhaps she just wants to take it slow.

If I were privy to the actual discussions going on between you and her, I would be able to offer better advice.

I would say: continue to keep in touch with her-----but don't push the idea of relationships or romance too much.

What is a microchip implant? Why would people have those? Do you mean cardiac pacemakers?

I didn't know that beasts had microchips.

I especially don't think they work for NDs. If a girl would use contact frequency as a kind of mind game I'd go crazy. I like other types of games, but I really hate that kind of stuff.

There was a proposal to store credit card and other information on a microchip and implant it under the skin. This has two purposes. One is so that credit card won't get lost or stolen. The other is to track down terrorists since it will enable the government to know your location at all times.

As far as the mark of the beast, by beast they mean antichrist. It was prophesized that during the last 7 years before the coming of Christ there will be one world government and one world religion headed by the antichrist. The antichrist will force people to put a mark on the right hand or forehead. Those that refuse the mark will at first not be allowed to buy and sell and, eventually, will be beheaded. However, those that take the mark will go to hell when Jesus will return. So people will gave a choice: get beheaded and go to heaven or be allowed to live but go to hell few years later. Since antichrist is referred to as beast, that Mark is called the mark of the beast.

There have been many speculations throughout centuries what that Mark might be. One of the modern interpretation is that microchip implant might be that mark.

Is English your native language? In this context, the phrase "take her" means "discuss her" -- which is a "switch phrase" from discussing other girls previous few sentences.

What if the tooth is infected?
What if a person has cancer on a part of their body that then needs to be removed?
What if a person has a tumor?
What if a part of the person's body, such as a leg, has gangrene and must be amputated?
The Bible also talks about circumcision which.......is a permanent change to the body. What about circumcision?

I don't agree with that at all.

Well, what happened in my own case is that I have no problem with my wisdom tooth other than the fact that

a) It had a cavity
b) It grew diagonally outward

So the doctors were refusing to fill in the cavity because they said it was supposed to be removed anyway, since it grew outward. But you see, if it grows outward rather than inward I don't see how it would impact the nearby tooth. The only reason to remove it is that its not useful anyway. But what use is it in removing it?! In any case, since doctors kept refusing to do the filling, and I had to leave to India for a postdoc, I ended up removing it since I didn't trust Indian dentists. But then, few years later, in India, I found a dentist whom I do trust (that was a clinic for people from Europe) who agreed to do the filling on a different wisdom tooth that everyone was also refused to do the filling in. Well, that other wisdom tooth was growing inward, not outward. So I had much bigger reason to remove that second tooth than I did the first tooth. Well, I got the filling on that second tooth and I still have it, yet I had my first one removed. Thats why I regret removing the first one.



Actually, under the New Covenant, its the opposite: one should NOT be circumcized. Galatians 5:2 says that if someone gets circumcized they might lose salvation.

I was born Jewish, but my parents+grandparents decided against circumcizing me. No, it had nothing to do with the above passage (they don't believe in Jesus); rather, it had to do with them not trusting the hygine of doctors that perform circumcision back in Russia. But since I do believe in Jesus, I feel lucky that I wasn't circumcized.