Aspie males: has your wife/gf called you abusive?

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I'm also happy that you're doing well

I know you love him and I'm also aware he had some really though experiences that sometimes colour his views, I have an inkling you might understand that kind of thing too...

As a somewhat funny example, early in our relationship, my (now) wife told me very directly: "I will ask for something only twice (as the first time you might not have heard it), then solve the problem myself. Asking the third or fourth time would be nagging and I hate doing that". She's not someone who just says things and not do it, so I've learned to always pay attention to what she says or ask her to repeat is I'm distracted. It's important for me that she knows I'm there and doesn't have to carry her burdens alone. As for me, I asked her to always be very direct and not mention important things off-handedly or when I'm concentrating on something else. As a result of such things, while we still have different opinions etc we literally never fight. I'm very grateful for this.

I love your wife! She is my kind of woman. I love hearing that people get it right and find a great partner, thank you for sharing that with me

Cheers

Success stories are not very popular here so I rarely share!

I once told Mrs. Fnord, "Once is a request. Twice is a reminder. Three times or more is nagging."

Then I told her once more.

Then I never mentioned it again.

Are you my wife posing as Fnord?

Exactly. My motto: "Say what you mean and mean what you say." I'm not a mind reader and I don't play mind games.

Hi everyone, newbie here

It seems to me that there is some confusion about what is an “abusive partner”. Abuse is about control. Anger outburst, name calling, ignoring, refusing to engage into discussion, activities etc could only be considered as part of an abusive pattern if the intention behind is to gain and assert control over the victim. These behaviors alone may of course hurt nevertheless the relationship but in the absence of an intention to control, they would not be symptomatic of an abusive relationship per se.

That was my 20cents hope it helps clarify.

I'll admit that I had some abusive behaviors with both my exes & was controlling in both relationships. The reason why was due to BAD OCD & BAD panic attacks worrying about things. I got frustrated & took things out on them by lashing out. It also didn't help that my 1st girlfriend had issues with drugs & alcohol & I was very protective of her. Things aren't like this with my current relationship at least no where near that extreme. I realized my problems were partly due to anxiety & OCD around the time my 2nd relationship ended & I got on a med for anxiety & a med for OCD. It also helps that my current girlfriend is kinda clingy & needy & we spend a lot of time together.