Does my Aspie crush have romantic feelings for me?

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That is exactly what I said about my guy. In my difference is he admitted that he's autistic.

I realised I was deluding myself about the alexithymia when he settled down quite happily with someone he actually wanted. He was just never that into me.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this.

Jesus Christ...OK, let me look at one point that stood out massively to me:

Maybe he did really mean this? As others have said, you should have talked to him about this earlier. I've been in the same shoes as you, thinking a guy was into me, or wanting me to make the move, or whatever the Hell he wanted, and really he was just leading me on for his own ego trip. I thought they had feelings for me but didn't want to talk to me about them, which at the time I "respected". They would give me hints and that was it. At the same time, some guys (and girls) are funny with feelings and are genuine about what they want, without discussing it too much. Relationships just happen with those people, in my experience. It doesn't trail on for weeks or months.



Thanks. That's like a GIGANTIC compliment to us.

I think you're overthinking this way too much. Discussing his life situation relating to God as well was inappropriate. Also, since you're autistic, I understand that you don't understand hints and yet some of these types of men do. Like your comment above that he's either autistic or a psychopath with anti-social personality disorder, telling him "It's obvious you have autism" will be interpreted as, "It's obvious you're clueless/stupid/an a***hole/can't do anything right/all four".

If I remember correctly MissMary you said in your posts last year that you are undiagnosed ASD? This guy has never discussed his being autistic with you or mentioned it so I don't know where this "aspie as.hole" accusation stem from at all. You really have nothing to base this on.
Also, you said that you couldn't respect him if he was a "bernie-bruh buddhist" as he had said he was in the past. You were actually quite rude about him having liberal beliefs. You said you would show him God by your "example". Doesn't the Christan doctrine endorse religious tolerance and diversity of beliefs? Perhaps he didn't want to be molded into something you wanted? That could have been the deal breaker. Telling him he is autistic out of the blue and "showing him God" by your example probably scared him to death, after all he was just thinking of a friendly dinner and your expectations were up on cloud nine.
Attempting to change a man to suit what we want him to be and not who he actually is never works, it would be convenient though I do admit. I know that when we are lonely we read things into mens' behaviour that just aren't there, and I know how much it hurts.

Sometimes we don't read things into their actions. They know exactly how their actions can be interepreted as romantic, but deep down they don't see a future with us, they just want to enjoy us for a little while with no strings attached.

They see us like toys. Just a bit of fun with no serious consequences. If we develop feelings it's our "fault for being stupid".

No, men, if you don't have real intentions; don't play us. Just f**k off.

Yes that happens too. I don't blame them for it, it is just their biology. Men are just different, not better or worse. What is interesting is that the men I know who are in relationships usually try and understand their women, find out where they go wrong and try and make them happy, whereas my women friends usually complain about their men and try and fix them into being what they think is an ideal man. Maybe that's a good thing.

Last edited by Teach51 on 23 Feb 2020, 7:39 am, edited 3 times in total.

That’s happened to me, too.

I believe it’s sometimes an issue of “ownership.” My wife, for example, talks of the kitchen of our house as if it is “her” kitchen.

Perhaps the woman thought of the guy cleaning her floors as having violated “her space.”

It’s an interesting dichotomy. My wife only wants me to help clean up in her presence. She wants to be the boss in this instance. That makes me not want to help her clean. I’d rather do it when she’s not around.

Lol I deleted the bit about my hairdresser cleaning the floors to surprise his wife and her complaining that he missed a corner. Sorry kraftie. I thought I was getting a bit carried away so I deleted the rest.
I agree that women have "rule" over the home in many cases.

You didn’t have to delete it. This sort of thing happens all the time. It’s reality.

I know I should help out around the house more—but the cleaning process with my wife is an ordeal. I guess I might exaggerate the “ordeal” to get out of cleaning. But there are forces at work that make my wife very unpleasant while we clean together. And make the whole process of cleaning unpleasant.

Sometimes, I just do it in my own. Sometimes, she likes it; other times, she doesn’t.

Being single is much simpler!

No, that's just giving bad people a pass. "Boys will be boys" is a pile of rubbish.

I know good men who don't behave like spoiled 10 year olds in a candy shop. They're good men. They do exist.

I just wanted to make the point that women sometimes want men to behave just like women and men are completely baffled as to what they are doing wrong.

I can't blame anyone for being who they are but I can avoid them and move on. I know very nice guys who are "players," I don't perceive them as defective though they may not be my personal choice for a relationship.
I agree there are "good" men, they usually get married fairly young and stay married.
On the other hand men that only want casual relationships have the absolute right to do so.

Last edited by Teach51 on 23 Feb 2020, 8:13 am, edited 3 times in total.

I agree with this. The good men would feel patronised and insulted by saying that type of behaviour is just part of mens' biology.

I do. I judge them. They are pigs with no self control. Heartless, selfish pigs that don't care about other people's feelings. THEY ARE BAD. BAD BAD

Edit. I'm not talking about people having consensual flings, but those who knowingly lead others on.

Last edited by hurtloam on 23 Feb 2020, 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe I’m more like an 18-year-old in a candy shop

Seriously.....I believe women do have a point. Sometimes you have guys who like to play the boss, and be highly possessive—yet they expect the woman to do all the household chores.

And then there are the guys who refuse to get up to feed a young baby in the night because it’s supposed to be “women’s work.”

What does that have to do with men sending romantic signals then turning round and gaslighting women and saying, "oh it was nothing, you took it the wrong way"?

Well I can't answer that. You see I don't know if the woman imagined the romance or misread the signals or if she was intentionally gaslighted. Perhaps both parties had different intentions and expectations at the onset and were not aware of it?

Last edited by Teach51 on 23 Feb 2020, 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.