Do aspies form crushes easy?

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Muse933277
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13 Mar 2020, 1:12 am

It's never good to fall in love with people super fast, especially with people who you don't know, and i'll explain why.

Dating is a numbers game, especially for men. If you meet 20 women, you may be only to date one of them. So is it really worth it to get super invested into a girl early on if you know that statistically speaking, it's more likely that you won't end up dating this girl anyways? Plus if you have barely even talked to her, you don't even know what she's like as a person, nor do you even know whether or not she would be attracted to you or not in the first place.

I think the amount of emotional investment you have in a girl should be proportional to the amount of time you have spent with her. If you're super emotionally invested into a girl who you have never even spoken to, it's not going to end too well. You're going to come on too strong, she's going to be creeped out, and you're going to feel really bad about getting rejected.



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13 Mar 2020, 2:53 am

^ you are completely right but the emotional side of my brain doesn't care. she played me like a fine stradivarius from the time i was most vulnerable and i'm conditioned to fall quickly and HARD

i remember quite recently i had a terrible sleepless night, and panic attack-like symptoms later, right before i was planning to ask a girl that i had only seen like, three or four times to hand out sometime (i think that's what i said?) giving her my #
obviously it did not go as i would have liked but i still feel like s**t about it. i hate that i even care. if it's a numbers game i there is no hope for me cause i probably meet like 3 new people a YEAR and if i am in a place to meet mote i subconsciously keep to myself and send "leave me alone" signals. can't hold conversations interesting enough to keep people around to save my life.

so i form a lot of crushes. and that's all they end up being. idealize people. imagine scenarios when i don't know them. what's my problem


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Karamazov
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13 Mar 2020, 2:58 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
so i form a lot of crushes. and that's all they end up being. idealize people. imagine scenarios when i don't know them. what's my problem


Oh, that resonates hard!

If only I had a tenner for every night I’d cried myself to sleep over a girl I’d only passed three sentences with... :roll:



SharonB
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13 Mar 2020, 5:33 am

I'm the hypersensitive ASD type and I crush whenever I ovulate and then some. I feel so much!! My ASD-like BFF is the hyposensitive type and she would claim she has never crushed. She feels very little. So to answer your question: it depends on the Aspie, but if the Aspie is the feeling type: YES!



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13 Mar 2020, 8:40 pm

No not compared to the way I've seen other people cycle through crushes.

When I've been lonely though, I have tended to get attached quickly/crush on males that show kindness to me. But it doesn't seem it can just be anyone; so there still has to have some actual attraction. <-- save for one occurrence


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funeralxempire
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17 Mar 2020, 1:33 pm

Often.


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24 Mar 2020, 10:35 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
I certainly do and hate it!! :P I'm very much a "love at first sight" kind of guy but it's almost never mutual.


I was just like this for a very long time! I think it probably is an aspie thing, since we like to fantasize a lot, and don't have a lot of good social skills for making those fantasies actually come true.



martianprincess
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25 Mar 2020, 2:40 pm

I don't tend to have crushes easily, and rarely have romantic feelings for people.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be better or worse if I did.
I have always found myself breaking a bunch of hearts but I never meant to.


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25 Mar 2020, 4:14 pm

I think I've only ever had two real crushes in my life, and one of them was a character in a TV show (just the character, not the actor - I saw him in another role and didn't feel the same thing at all).


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ProfessorJohn
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26 Mar 2020, 10:32 pm

martianprincess wrote:
I don't tend to have crushes easily, and rarely have romantic feelings for people.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be better or worse if I did.
I have always found myself breaking a bunch of hearts but I never meant to.


Consider yourself lucky in some ways. I take it you really don't care about relationships. If that is so, it would make life much easier.



revlar
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27 Mar 2020, 8:01 am

In middle-high school and college I would crush on someone real hard and then eventually get hurt and then move onto the next deep crush after some time. As I got older, the time between would grow, so I wasn't falling for girls as often. My crushes would form from me finding them attractive, the way they acted around people, or if they were generally nice to me. I would talk to them but at the time I couldn't figure out how they didn't get I was interested in them. Now I know that I didn't have much game, being that I was very reserved and emotionally self conscious, and that my talking to them only came across as polite conversation like acquaintances.