08 Jul 2020, 7:19 pm
08 Jul 2020, 8:01 pm
08 Jul 2020, 8:04 pm
08 Jul 2020, 9:31 pm
08 Jul 2020, 9:39 pm
09 Jul 2020, 2:44 am
09 Jul 2020, 3:17 am
09 Jul 2020, 6:33 am
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not.
Pretty much all the girlfriends I've had have come from this mindset
My family sets impossibly high standards for who I should date and they're never attracted to me, so there you have it 
09 Jul 2020, 6:47 am
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not.
Pretty much all the girlfriends I've had have come from this mindset
My family sets impossibly high standards for who I should date and they're never attracted to me, so there you have it Do you think you could have better relationships if you didn't get influenced by your family's expectations?
09 Jul 2020, 7:09 am
Lely wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not.
Pretty much all the girlfriends I've had have come from this mindset
My family sets impossibly high standards for who I should date and they're never attracted to me, so there you have it Do you think you could have better relationships if you didn't get influenced by your family's expectations?
At the same time I set pretty high standards for myself so I don't think so :/
09 Jul 2020, 7:39 am
Citymale wrote:
But the little positive interactions you get when a woman reacts to you like you are an NT - you get a taste of what NTs experience and why NTs date.
One of my favorite things to do before COVID to scratch my social itch was to attend meet and greets and sporting events involving the (often athletic) women I find attractive, which gave me a fairly sizable confidence boost when the interaction went well
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States
15 Aug 2020, 8:42 pm
15 Aug 2020, 9:01 pm
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Same. It's going to sound cruel/selfish but I am going to say it honestly: I only dated people I was not into, was incompatible with, and not even attracted to - neither physically nor intellectually nor personality wise and some caused me mental unease. Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not. While those times were rather s**t I'm still glad I came out the other end to know better now that I can be choosy, i.e. choosing to be alone (which I enjoy)! I thank them for opening my eyes that dating is nothing I want again in my life.
I understand it must be much harder for people who haven't made any dating experience and see it as something positive and desirable that would improve their lives.
Why is "everyone" focused on a romantic relationship?
Is no one interested in simple friendships/companionships?
15 Aug 2020, 9:03 pm
WantToHaveALife wrote:
its also an unfortuneate reminder that the desire or urge never goes away sadly.
Evolution at work.
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
15 Aug 2020, 9:20 pm
Pepe wrote:
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Same. It's going to sound cruel/selfish but I am going to say it honestly: I only dated people I was not into, was incompatible with, and not even attracted to - neither physically nor intellectually nor personality wise and some caused me mental unease. Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not. While those times were rather s**t I'm still glad I came out the other end to know better now that I can be choosy, i.e. choosing to be alone (which I enjoy)! I thank them for opening my eyes that dating is nothing I want again in my life.
I understand it must be much harder for people who haven't made any dating experience and see it as something positive and desirable that would improve their lives.
Why is "everyone" focused on a romantic relationship?
Is no one interested in simple friendships/companionships?
This subforum being about "love and dating" could have something to do with it
15 Aug 2020, 9:34 pm
that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Lely wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
I think I might have to give up because I haven't been able to get a girlfriend most of my adult life. The only time I did have a girlfriend, it was someone I settled for out of desperation.
Same. It's going to sound cruel/selfish but I am going to say it honestly: I only dated people I was not into, was incompatible with, and not even attracted to - neither physically nor intellectually nor personality wise and some caused me mental unease. Those (not that it were many lol) who I dated, I only dated out of desperation because I knew realistically that's all there is for me if I wanted to be with someone, having the mindset of "beggars can't be choosers" + low confidence, I naively settled for what I could get, whether it was good for me or not. While those times were rather s**t I'm still glad I came out the other end to know better now that I can be choosy, i.e. choosing to be alone (which I enjoy)! I thank them for opening my eyes that dating is nothing I want again in my life.
I understand it must be much harder for people who haven't made any dating experience and see it as something positive and desirable that would improve their lives.
Why is "everyone" focused on a romantic relationship?
Is no one interested in simple friendships/companionships?
This subforum being about "love and dating" could have something to do with it
So you are not allowed to find companions/friendships here.
Where is the discrimination police when you want them?
As I have mentioned many times, over the years, friendships can develop into something more down the track.
Isn't it rational to develop a friendship first to get to know someone before engaging in something more serious?
Call it a stepping stone.
To me, it is a no-brainer.
And at least one person has mentioned how a number of women wanted to be friends, meaning they were interested in him, but he didn't understand what that meant until later.
Maybe I am just being autistic.
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