I Have Just Discovered Why I Can't Ask Girls Out.

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Minuteman
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30 Dec 2020, 8:54 pm

I was in the same boat also. I'd suggest trying Tinder or E-Harmony. By responding to your profile, the other person has already established some interest in you, so meeting up is the logical next step. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of asking someone out.



Mountain Goat
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30 Dec 2020, 9:04 pm

I have always been a bit reluctant to try a dating site incase they charge me, especially if they have hidden charges. I have looked at the smallprint of a few of the free ones (Which often takes days) and it is unclear as to if they will charge or not as they usually want to reserve the rights to charge though there is no indication as to when or for what.


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Stalk
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31 Dec 2020, 5:48 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
All my life I have struggled with this one. Only now I know why. Mindblank! Asking a lady out is a very direct thing to do and I can't do that because if I am nurvous than I am at high risk of getting mindblank anyway, and add to this that it is a direct question to ask...
So when I try to ask direct questions I hit the mindblank wall. So I will automatically have to quickly talk about something completely different and unrelated to "Switch" my mind back on.

It is the reason why I was never able to ask a lady out in a direct real life one to one way! It is only now I have realized this! I always knew I had difficulty... That I had a problem with this... But I never knew exactly why!


Man I feel you! I experience the same! Anxiety meds can help, until your body gets used to it. The only way that supposedly helps, is to try and remember that rejection is not the end of the world. That you cannot control the outcome, and you are allowing the other person to have a choice. The outcome is their choice. You merely asked, and there is nothing wrong with asking. If they try to shame you, or you are experiencing some sort of PTSD because of earlier childhood trauma, maybe bullied, caregivers not making your comfortable asking questions etc. I don't think public is easy in anyway. Try social gatherings rather, where everyone is open to talking to for the purpose of socialising. I'm not saying going to a pub and then talking to a random stranger that is already seated or walks through the door. I'm referring to groups like meetup.com. Everyone there is there for the purpose of talking and learning, probably just like you!



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Dec 2020, 6:01 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
I have always been a bit reluctant to try a dating site incase they charge me, especially if they have hidden charges. I have looked at the smallprint of a few of the free ones (Which often takes days) and it is unclear as to if they will charge or not as they usually want to reserve the rights to charge though there is no indication as to when or for what.


As long you are not inputting credit/debit card info then imposing hidden charges on you is impossible.



ezbzbfcg2
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31 Dec 2020, 6:06 am

Stalk wrote:
Try social gatherings rather, where everyone is open to talking to for the purpose of socialising. I'm not saying going to a pub and then talking to a random stranger that is already seated or walks through the door. I'm referring to groups like meetup.com. Everyone there is there for the purpose of talking and learning, probably just like you!


Don't take this the wrong way. I think this would have been decent advice not too long ago. But now, in this day and age, with all that's going on, I don't think social gatherings like this are really an option.



rdos
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02 Jan 2021, 3:12 pm

My take on it is that we are not expected to ask random women out, and so we are unable. It has little to do with daring or assertiveness, and a lot more with our natural courtship behavior. We are supposed to pursue love at a distance, so nature made it very hard for us to talk to people we like in a romantic way. I think it's better to work with our nature than against it, and like Boo said, NTs really don't ask random women out, they only ask women that they know are likely to agree out. As an ND that cannot read those signs, it's better to avoid asking out completely.



Mountain Goat
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02 Jan 2021, 3:21 pm

Stalk wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
All my life I have struggled with this one. Only now I know why. Mindblank! Asking a lady out is a very direct thing to do and I can't do that because if I am nurvous than I am at high risk of getting mindblank anyway, and add to this that it is a direct question to ask...
So when I try to ask direct questions I hit the mindblank wall. So I will automatically have to quickly talk about something completely different and unrelated to "Switch" my mind back on.

It is the reason why I was never able to ask a lady out in a direct real life one to one way! It is only now I have realized this! I always knew I had difficulty... That I had a problem with this... But I never knew exactly why!


Man I feel you! I experience the same! Anxiety meds can help, until your body gets used to it. The only way that supposedly helps, is to try and remember that rejection is not the end of the world. That you cannot control the outcome, and you are allowing the other person to have a choice. The outcome is their choice. You merely asked, and there is nothing wrong with asking. If they try to shame you, or you are experiencing some sort of PTSD because of earlier childhood trauma, maybe bullied, caregivers not making your comfortable asking questions etc. I don't think public is easy in anyway. Try social gatherings rather, where everyone is open to talking to for the purpose of socialising. I'm not saying going to a pub and then talking to a random stranger that is already seated or walks through the door. I'm referring to groups like meetup.com. Everyone there is there for the purpose of talking and learning, probably just like you!


All is ok now. My circumstances have changed.. :)


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