08 Jan 2021, 12:13 pm
QFT wrote:
OutsideView wrote:
Perhaps you could try being nice to her if you love her?
And I will. I have plenty of time to do it since she isn't breaking up with me.
Believe it or not, back in 2007--2009 I was also dating a woman that was severely overweight, and I was taking care of her when she was sick. In fact in her case I stopped liking her in 2008 but I dated her until she broke up herself in 2009 because I kept remembering when she was sick and didn't want to betray her.
I know the current woman isn't sick so it's different. But the point is that, ever since that other woman, I don't like the concept of hurting someone.
So then you might ask why did I hurt her with this message? Well the reason I did is because I knew she won't break up which means I can undo that hurt through the subsequent interaction with her. You see, on one hand I like to play games, on the other hand I don't like hurting people. So a compromise is to play the kind of games where I can "undo" the damage afterwards. And that was an example of it.
.... ... ...
To all those on the spectrum who "play games" with NTs...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS with your relationships...The negative impact may not be immediately visible to you...But, i assure you it has a cumulative effect, like the termites that gradually destroy a dwelling...So can you, with your games, destroy a relationship...
My beloved husband put me to the test during our courtship and well into our marriage, time and again...It is truly a miracle that our marriage survived that first year...So, please take my well- intended advice to heart...
08 Jan 2021, 2:19 pm
08 Jan 2021, 2:24 pm
08 Jan 2021, 2:25 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
QFT wrote:
OutsideView wrote:
Perhaps you could try being nice to her if you love her?
And I will. I have plenty of time to do it since she isn't breaking up with me.
Believe it or not, back in 2007--2009 I was also dating a woman that was severely overweight, and I was taking care of her when she was sick. In fact in her case I stopped liking her in 2008 but I dated her until she broke up herself in 2009 because I kept remembering when she was sick and didn't want to betray her.
I know the current woman isn't sick so it's different. But the point is that, ever since that other woman, I don't like the concept of hurting someone.
So then you might ask why did I hurt her with this message? Well the reason I did is because I knew she won't break up which means I can undo that hurt through the subsequent interaction with her. You see, on one hand I like to play games, on the other hand I don't like hurting people. So a compromise is to play the kind of games where I can "undo" the damage afterwards. And that was an example of it.
.... ... ...
To all those on the spectrum who "play games" with NTs...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS with your relationships...The negative impact may not be immediately visible to you...But, i assure you it has a cumulative effect, like the termites that gradually destroy a dwelling...So can you, with your games, destroy a relationship...
My beloved husband put me to the test during our courtship and well into our marriage, time and again...It is truly a miracle that our marriage survived that first year...So, please take my well- intended advice to heart...
This is unusual to see on this forum. Normally the posts are aspies confused about why NTs play games.
I agree. It's needless and causes unneccessary issues.
OutsideView
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08 Jan 2021, 3:25 pm
09 Jan 2021, 10:49 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
QFT wrote:
Here is the conversation I had this morning with my girlfriend. She knows I have Asperger and she is an elementary school teacher, so she is very understanding. Plus she is severely overweight and overweight women tend to be understanding too since they don't have other options. So I pretty much knew that I could have a little bit of fun without losing her since it wasn't the first time I pulled pranks, although this particular prank was rather unexpected on her end. Anyway, here is the that part of the chatlog, verbatim 
ME: I just read that with all those dating apps around, 60% of married couples cheat and among people that just date the percentage is much higher (they didn't say what). So I guess you are probably cheating on me.
HER: So what's really going on? The real reason you sent an accusing message.
ME: I did it because it's funny. The funny part is that it's not a real accusation since 1. It doesn't mention anything you do 2. If anything it makes you look better since a) if you don't cheat it tells you you are better than most people b) If you do cheat it tells you you are not so bad
HER: That was not a nice first text to receive from you this morning
ME: I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to be funny
HER: I assumed you sent it because you were frustrated about something else
ME: No. I just read an ad for peolewhiz and it mentioned those stats which surprised me. I guess I wanted to ask you what is your take on it in general (which has nothing to do with the two of us) but I decided to do it in a funny way instead
HER: Honestly, I'm surprised it is that high. I've really never understood how a person can cheat on their significant other. Especially when they're married and made a commitment to each other
ME: I mean from logical point of view it is easy to see why they would cheat. If someone waits for ideal partner then, no matter how attractive they are, they would probably wait their whole life (an ideal partner would be a star of some sort). Therefore, if an average person doesn't want to face a prospect of being single forever, they have to settle "to some degree" (sure, less attractive people settle to higher degree than more attractive people, but everyone settles "somewhat"). Now, after the person has settled, it would be good to trade less-than-perfect option they settled on with a better option. So they cheat. Of course if they could predict ahead of time the best possible option they, personally, can get, then they would find that option and not cheat. But since nobody knows ahead of time their level of luck, that's why they use the strategy where they keep cheating in order to move higher and higher on ranks so to speak
HER: I don't understand your logic. Picking a partner is not like picking a vehicle you trade in when a better model comes along. Are you saying you would cheat on your spouse if you found someone that was more attractive? Isn't it more about being compatible with that person?
ME: Well, being compatible doesn't single out one person. Each person is generally compatible with a group of people. So then one can still talk about moving up the ranks within a group of people they are compatible with.
HER: Just wow...
ME: I think the main four things that would stop one from cheating are the following: a) Not wanting to hurt the other person. In order for the above logic to be relevant, the goal of cheating would have to be eventual trading of partners as opposed to a simple fling. It would be logically impossible to accomplish that goal without the current partner knowing. So they will get hurt b) The amount of time they put into a relationship. Here is a good example. I don't really need math PhD since I already have physics PhD (even if I wanted to be a professor in math department I could use physics PhD for that too) But since I put so much time doing a coursework when I could have been doing my own research, I want to get that math PhD so that that time doesn't go for nothing c) In God's eyes cheating is a sin d) Emotional bond that formed as a result of relationship that goes beyond a and b. So I do see reasons why people wouldn't cheat. I am just saying I also see why they would. The "absence" of a, b, c and d being a factor would make it logically likely for someone to cheat.
HER: I would hope that D would outweigh a and b.
ME: Yes it does. I really like you a lot. Although it's not really outweigh since a and b points in the same direction d does. Its more like "d is a bigger reason than a and b"
HER: Haha... had to point it out, don't you *wink*
ME: Just to avoid the possibility of you misreading what I wrote
HER: Gotcha. Want to hear how the talkative student did on yesterday's screener?
OUTCOME: From this point onward our conversation was very positive We were talking about other topics and never came back to the cheating topic.
ME: I just read that with all those dating apps around, 60% of married couples cheat and among people that just date the percentage is much higher (they didn't say what). So I guess you are probably cheating on me.
HER: So what's really going on? The real reason you sent an accusing message.
ME: I did it because it's funny. The funny part is that it's not a real accusation since 1. It doesn't mention anything you do 2. If anything it makes you look better since a) if you don't cheat it tells you you are better than most people b) If you do cheat it tells you you are not so bad
HER: That was not a nice first text to receive from you this morning
ME: I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to be funny
HER: I assumed you sent it because you were frustrated about something else
ME: No. I just read an ad for peolewhiz and it mentioned those stats which surprised me. I guess I wanted to ask you what is your take on it in general (which has nothing to do with the two of us) but I decided to do it in a funny way instead
HER: Honestly, I'm surprised it is that high. I've really never understood how a person can cheat on their significant other. Especially when they're married and made a commitment to each other
ME: I mean from logical point of view it is easy to see why they would cheat. If someone waits for ideal partner then, no matter how attractive they are, they would probably wait their whole life (an ideal partner would be a star of some sort). Therefore, if an average person doesn't want to face a prospect of being single forever, they have to settle "to some degree" (sure, less attractive people settle to higher degree than more attractive people, but everyone settles "somewhat"). Now, after the person has settled, it would be good to trade less-than-perfect option they settled on with a better option. So they cheat. Of course if they could predict ahead of time the best possible option they, personally, can get, then they would find that option and not cheat. But since nobody knows ahead of time their level of luck, that's why they use the strategy where they keep cheating in order to move higher and higher on ranks so to speak
HER: I don't understand your logic. Picking a partner is not like picking a vehicle you trade in when a better model comes along. Are you saying you would cheat on your spouse if you found someone that was more attractive? Isn't it more about being compatible with that person?
ME: Well, being compatible doesn't single out one person. Each person is generally compatible with a group of people. So then one can still talk about moving up the ranks within a group of people they are compatible with.
HER: Just wow...
ME: I think the main four things that would stop one from cheating are the following: a) Not wanting to hurt the other person. In order for the above logic to be relevant, the goal of cheating would have to be eventual trading of partners as opposed to a simple fling. It would be logically impossible to accomplish that goal without the current partner knowing. So they will get hurt b) The amount of time they put into a relationship. Here is a good example. I don't really need math PhD since I already have physics PhD (even if I wanted to be a professor in math department I could use physics PhD for that too) But since I put so much time doing a coursework when I could have been doing my own research, I want to get that math PhD so that that time doesn't go for nothing c) In God's eyes cheating is a sin d) Emotional bond that formed as a result of relationship that goes beyond a and b. So I do see reasons why people wouldn't cheat. I am just saying I also see why they would. The "absence" of a, b, c and d being a factor would make it logically likely for someone to cheat.
HER: I would hope that D would outweigh a and b.
ME: Yes it does. I really like you a lot. Although it's not really outweigh since a and b points in the same direction d does. Its more like "d is a bigger reason than a and b"
HER: Haha... had to point it out, don't you *wink*
ME: Just to avoid the possibility of you misreading what I wrote
HER: Gotcha. Want to hear how the talkative student did on yesterday's screener?
OUTCOME: From this point onward our conversation was very positive
We were talking about other topics and never came back to the cheating topic.... ... ...
You are so-o-o WRONG about overweight women not having options...
...I have always been slim...at times even skinny...And i felt most self-confident when i weighted 122 lbs...with curves in all the right places...Just so that you know, my beloved (Aspie) husband is of Caribbean decent...And they absolutely LOVE their women FAT, the more, the better...Even in my Mexican culture also they prefer women with curves...So, please, please, please, do NOT underestimate your girlfriend's options...I am sure she has more than you know... 
After I read the weight comment I noped out.
10 Jan 2021, 12:01 am
GGPViper wrote:
QFT wrote:
Here is the conversation I had this morning with my girlfriend. She knows I have Asperger and she is an elementary school teacher, so she is very understanding. Plus she is severely overweight and overweight women tend to be understanding too since they don't have other options. So I pretty much knew that I could have a little bit of fun without losing her since it wasn't the first time I pulled pranks, although this particular prank was rather unexpected on her end. Anyway, here is the that part of the chatlog, verbatim
Last time I checked, exploiting other people's (perceived) weaknesses and emotionally manipulating them is not a defining characteristic of people on the autistic spectrum.
It is, however, a defining characteristic of another disorder.
I hate to say I agree with you, so I won't.
It is those on the spectrum who are usually the recipients of sociopathic manipulation from allistics.
nick007
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15 Jan 2021, 7:19 am
Pepe wrote:
GGPViper wrote:
QFT wrote:
Here is the conversation I had this morning with my girlfriend. She knows I have Asperger and she is an elementary school teacher, so she is very understanding. Plus she is severely overweight and overweight women tend to be understanding too since they don't have other options. So I pretty much knew that I could have a little bit of fun without losing her since it wasn't the first time I pulled pranks, although this particular prank was rather unexpected on her end. Anyway, here is the that part of the chatlog, verbatim
Last time I checked, exploiting other people's (perceived) weaknesses and emotionally manipulating them is not a defining characteristic of people on the autistic spectrum.
It is, however, a defining characteristic of another disorder.
I hate to say I agree with you, so I won't.
It is those on the spectrum who are usually the recipients of sociopathic manipulation from allistics.
MOST Aspies are NOT like that or at least no where close to that extreme.
OutsideView
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Joined: 4 Oct 2017
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,022
Location: England ^not male but apparently you can't change it
15 Jan 2021, 8:14 am
15 Jan 2021, 9:40 am
QFT wrote:
Here is the conversation I had this morning with my girlfriend. She knows I have Asperger and she is an elementary school teacher, so she is very understanding. Plus she is severely overweight and overweight women tend to be understanding too since they don't have other options. So I pretty much knew that I could have a little bit of fun without losing her ...
Wait. What?!
I can't read past this part.
That sounds like mind games and emotional manipulation. It's emotional abuse, actually.
If she's a teacher she is also very clever, so I'm hopeful she was smart enough to stand up for herself.
15 Jan 2021, 2:36 pm
16 Jan 2021, 4:51 am
nick007 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
GGPViper wrote:
QFT wrote:
Here is the conversation I had this morning with my girlfriend. She knows I have Asperger and she is an elementary school teacher, so she is very understanding. Plus she is severely overweight and overweight women tend to be understanding too since they don't have other options. So I pretty much knew that I could have a little bit of fun without losing her since it wasn't the first time I pulled pranks, although this particular prank was rather unexpected on her end. Anyway, here is the that part of the chatlog, verbatim
Last time I checked, exploiting other people's (perceived) weaknesses and emotionally manipulating them is not a defining characteristic of people on the autistic spectrum.
It is, however, a defining characteristic of another disorder.
I hate to say I agree with you, so I won't.
It is those on the spectrum who are usually the recipients of sociopathic manipulation from allistics.
I never said it wasn't possible.
I said most of us have been victims of NT psychological abuse.
nick007 wrote:
True us Aspies usually do get confused when others do that to us but some Aspies actually do know how to manipulate others they are very close to like immediate family members they grew up with. I know of one Aspie who would always accuse family members of not loving him whenever he could not get his way with them when he was little or even now as an adult in his mid 30s. He says things like "If you really did love me you would do blank for me" His family has various mental & other disorders & they would feel guilty & give in most every time & the Aspie knew that. As an adult he always blames others like his family for his own feelings. When he gets upset it is their fault for making him anxious, making him angry, ect. When he does not want to hear something negative he says "Your making me (insert negative feeling/emotion)". When a family member cant take dealing with it anymore & tries telling him something, he threatens suicide & the family member comes running back to him apologizing for upsetting him. He's been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little & has most of the the Aspergers features like being direct & straightforward, not understanding body language or tone of voice or facial expressions, various sensory issues, a strong need for routine & predictability. He's been diagnosed with some things besides his Aspergers too thou like BAD depression, anxiety, OCD which I'm sure is very distressing for him but his way of coping is abusive & manipulative for those close to him like his family. He feels a strong sense of entitlement with his family & with life because he had such a bad childhood & he's trying to be an independent adult in spite that like having a part time job, so he believes that makes him better than most everyone else. He also believes he's doing a lot for a certain family member by bossing her around. He actually said things like he needs him to tell her what to do because she forgets things or would make bad decisions. He cant handle being alone for long cuz he'll get BAD panic attacks when by himself but he also needs & demands complete control over his environment cuz he'll get a panic attack & flip out when somebody needs to do an activity of daily living while in his space like if somebody is in the bathroom when he may need to go or they need to use the stove or oven. He expects the impossible cuz how can somebody be there all day & night without using the bathroom & asking him when they can go also upsets him.
MOST Aspies are NOT like that or at least no where close to that extreme.
MOST Aspies are NOT like that or at least no where close to that extreme.
Yes, auties can be a$$holes, also.
I used to think it was rare.
16 Jan 2021, 3:47 pm
CockneyRebel
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16 Jan 2021, 11:33 pm
17 Jan 2021, 12:28 pm
Sweetleaf
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17 Jan 2021, 1:30 pm
