Do you have a therapist? You really could use one. Your issues are stemming from things that you really need to process out, anything else is essentially going to be a band aid; because really this isn't just about this girl. Technically you can to to process it out by yourself but given that you're in a suicidal status, you are best off having someone help you with it.
I can guarantee that suicide is NOT the only way for you to find some peace. It is a very permanent solution to a problem with other solutions. You just need to want to try to work on it.
If you do have friends that you are comfortable with/trust I do encourage you try to reach out and talk to them some. I understand your worry, but if they chose to do something like that it would not be your fault. It'd be their foul/craziness and you would not be responsible for that. If they were to suggest doing what you're worried about then you would have obligation to tell them not to, but after that it's not on you.
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"Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world."
10 Apr 2021, 8:39 pm
