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Not wanting to kiss me

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kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2021, 10:46 am

You were hanging out with a bunch of knuckleheads.....



Jamesy
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30 Apr 2021, 3:31 pm

Tonight at the pub one of my friends said to me “you and me are like 2 Thorne between a rose”

That was in regards to a woman who was sitting between. I asked him to elaborate and what he meant and he said “you and me are not good looking or attractive so we are the thornes”



KT67
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30 Apr 2021, 3:42 pm

The fact your 'mates' encouraged you to do this as a teenager reminds me of boys when I was a younger teenager...

They would say 'my mate fancies you but he needs your number' and get me to shout my number at him.

Time and time again I fell for it.

As an adult I realise they were probably all laughing at me.


When I was about 12-14 rather than 18 but I can actually understand a young autistic guy falling for crappy 'advice' from NT guys on this issue. Even at 18.

They weren't very good friends. To you, or to the girls at the party.

Even if they didn't know you were autistic, I bet they had you pegged as 'a bit naive' and likely to fall for this 'joke'/trick.


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Juliette
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30 Apr 2021, 3:47 pm

Jamesy wrote:
When I was 18 I remember I was at a house party. One of my friends tried to get some girls to kiss me but they all said "no".

Do you think it's perfectly normal for them to say no to kissing me?


Yes ...this was based on their feelings and thoughts in that moment. Ask yourself would you have genuinely wanted to have been kissed by a girl who had her reserves about kissing you? Live and let live. Picture if roles were reversed ... no one should EVER do anything they’re not comfortable with. Imagine you oneday have a son or a daugher ... what would you say to them?

Personally, I greatly enjoyed “Spin the Bottle” at a 16th Birthday party in Aus. It led to an amazing love story that lasted a lifetime, and a lifetime of respect and love.



Last edited by Juliette on 30 Apr 2021, 3:52 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Jamesy
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30 Apr 2021, 3:48 pm

KT67 wrote:
The fact your 'mates' encouraged you to do this as a teenager reminds me of boys when I was a younger teenager...

They would say 'my mate fancies you but he needs your number' and get me to shout my number at him.

Time and time again I fell for it.

As an adult I realise they were probably all laughing at me.


When I was about 12-14 rather than 18 but I can actually understand a young autistic guy falling for crappy 'advice' from NT guys on this issue. Even at 18.

They weren't very good friends. To you, or to the girls at the party.

Even if they didn't know you were autistic, I bet they had you pegged as 'a bit naive' and likely to fall for this 'joke'/trick.




What’s your opinion on the 2 thornes and a rose comment my friend made tonight?



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2021, 4:18 pm

Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.



Jamesy
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30 Apr 2021, 4:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.




He guy who made the comment to me was 65 years old



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2021, 4:36 pm

I don't care how old he is. He's an idiot.



KT67
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30 Apr 2021, 4:50 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.




He guy who made the comment to me was 65 years old


Wait how old was she?

You're around my age... either you're cougar chasing or he shouldn't be going there.

He sounds like he was putting you down to chat her up.

Is it a regular pub? Pubs are best for things like getting a crowd of mates who are good to each other, dancing with women, watching sports, playing games. Not treating it like a night club.

My advice is: find a better pub. Or ideally, do some hobbies. Join a walking group or something. Form friendships with women when you're sober and maybe one thing will lead to another or maybe that girl you're friends with from the hobby group will have a single friend she thinks will be good for you. Again - even if you form friendships with guys, they might have women friends they think are good with you: their girlfriends' friends or something like that.

I know that some guys knock each other down a peg or two but it should be mutual banter and this... doesn't sound like that unless you hit back with 'all right old man' or something.


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cyberdad
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30 Apr 2021, 11:06 pm

KT67 wrote:
When I was about 12-14 rather than 18 but I can actually understand a young autistic guy falling for crappy 'advice' from NT guys on this issue. Even at 18.

They weren't very good friends. To you, or to the girls at the party.

Even if they didn't know you were autistic, I bet they had you pegged as 'a bit naive' and likely to fall for this 'joke'/trick.


NT guys aren't always aiming to have fun at your expense. There is group dynamics where erstwhile polite young men might get "Dutch courage" after alcohol and its possible they were just having fun with the OP and didn't mean anything malicious.

I've had plenty of drunken parties back in my late teens and early 20s involving young NT males and females and a lot is said and jokes cracked at my expense but also others in the group. I can see how this situation can be confusing to somebody on the spectrum when alcohol and groups are involved and the rules of engagement appear to shift without warning.

The second thing is when mean things are done (for example I've been left behind by a group of friends after we were drinking as a prank after I needed to relieve myself near the roadside) there's a tendency for NTs to laugh this stuff off despite the inconvenience created. Yeah it took me 3 hrs to walk back to my apartment and I was ticked off but later on I shrugged my shoulders and didn't care. No point holding on to grudges.

When you are in your 20s you just take this stuff in your stride and not be too sensitive otherwise your friends think you are prudish.



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01 May 2021, 1:44 am

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Of course it's perfectly normal for them to not want to kiss you. I find it bizarre that your friends would be asking random girls at a party to kiss you in the first place. If one of my kids told me that some people at a party were trying to get them to kiss one of their friends, I would ask them if they told the person asking to go to hell... That's a completely inappropriate thing to ask random people, though I understand that teenagers can be prone to boneheaded behavior like that...

Short of it, it's normal for them to say no, it's abnormal for your friend to be asking in the first place.

I find your reply the most rational.

From a woman's perspective, to have a random guy come up and ask you to kiss some other random guy, is damn bizarre. It immediately puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable position (and for all she knows a dangerous one). So HELL YES it's normal for all of them to have said no.


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01 May 2021, 3:27 am

KT67 wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.




He guy who made the comment to me was 65 years old


Wait how old was she?

You're around my age... either you're cougar chasing or he shouldn't be going there.

He sounds like he was putting you down to chat her up.

Is it a regular pub? Pubs are best for things like getting a crowd of mates who are good to each other, dancing with women, watching sports, playing games. Not treating it like a night club.

My advice is: find a better pub. Or ideally, do some hobbies. Join a walking group or something. Form friendships with women when you're sober and maybe one thing will lead to another or maybe that girl you're friends with from the hobby group will have a single friend she thinks will be good for you. Again - even if you form friendships with guys, they might have women friends they think are good with you: their girlfriends' friends or something like that.

I know that some guys knock each other down a peg or two but it should be mutual banter and this... doesn't sound like that unless you hit back with 'all right old man' or something.



she is 47



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01 May 2021, 7:17 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.




He guy who made the comment to me was 65 years old


65! I'm 60. I think he may have been trying to make a joke of the fact that the rose was between two pricks. That's a 50 and over sense of humour that easily crosses the Atlantic. It has NOTHING to do with looks or worth. Jamesy, you just didn't get the joke he was trying to make. Think about it. I dated a guy once that had the surname of "Rose". True, he was a rose of a man but trouble started when I realized he had a prick. I simply wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. It ended. :roll:



RightGalaxy
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01 May 2021, 7:23 pm

whoa whoa wait a second here. Did Covid 19 just disappear????? 8O



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01 May 2021, 10:33 pm

Alterity wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Of course it's perfectly normal for them to not want to kiss you. I find it bizarre that your friends would be asking random girls at a party to kiss you in the first place. If one of my kids told me that some people at a party were trying to get them to kiss one of their friends, I would ask them if they told the person asking to go to hell... That's a completely inappropriate thing to ask random people, though I understand that teenagers can be prone to boneheaded behavior like that...

Short of it, it's normal for them to say no, it's abnormal for your friend to be asking in the first place.

I find your reply the most rational.

From a woman's perspective, to have a random guy come up and ask you to kiss some other random guy, is damn bizarre. It immediately puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable position (and for all she knows a dangerous one). So HELL YES it's normal for all of them to have said no.


It's not bizzarre during kissing games that young adults do sometimes when they get together. Girls will sometimes kiss a guy as a dare when they are going out.



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01 May 2021, 10:34 pm

Jamesy wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Jesus H. Christ, man.....stop going to that bar!

You seem to run into real idiots.




He guy who made the comment to me was 65 years old


The guy is an idiot, he is too old to say that to you. Don't even listen to him on this subject.