Comparing myself to other men with bad temper

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The problem, though, is that I can't change my PAST bad temper. I am thinking of few specific women I wish I could have a chance with, who won't give it to me because I threw a temper at them. Well, if I am going to fix my temper problem, those specific women still won't give me a chance. I would still have to look for someone other than them. And thats what drives me crazy.

I didn't say women don't have temper problems. I said society tolerates them less than men with temper. At least thats what that article seems to be saying.

Now, what is your experience in this regard? Were people understanding or no?

My father was Autistic and a Psychopath, and he had no trouble finding relations. He was abusive (including violence). Superficial things do those superficial things. People many times hang around in abusive relationships, violence included, because they see no other way out even if there is one, as the Dark Triad types make it seem like there's no exit via that trauma bond.

I have no bad temper. I'm too passive and gentle when it comes to social and emotional things. A walkover. A pushover. Unless people try to help me, then I'll say no (I have to work on this one). Forming relations is hard for me, unlike it was for him. Out of the few times I've been angry in my life, two were against him when I became a man (the other main one just PTSD stuff which was far easier, even if I'm affected more by this).

Nope....you can't change your past temper outbursts.

But you could change for the future, and stop with the tantrums. Then maybe you will have a better chance with women.

Don't let them know that you pull all-nighters at Denny's. It's guaranteed that they'll think you're weird.

That is precisely what I am trying to tell those women I threw the tantrums at in order to convince them to give me a chance. Yet they still wouldn't. So why aren't they buying that I can change for the future?



So why would they not want to date someone who pulls all-nighters in Denny's? How will it affect them?

Incidentally, I haven't mentioned it. Not because I was avoiding to, but rather because women don't talk to me on the first place so the topic never came up.

But it relates to the bigger question. The bigger question being: women judge someone for being "weird" even if it doesn't personally affect them. And that bigger issue is definitely something I am a victim to.

They won't give you a chance; you have to move on.

I used to want women to "give me a chance," too. Never worked. I had to move on from that mindset.

Who knows? Maybe you'll get lucky and meet a fellow physicist who has a temper

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 14 Apr 2022, 8:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

What do you mean they make people think there is no way? Are they trying to tell them that nobody else will like them? Or are they telling them they won't be able to get a job and they are the ones that would feed them? Or what do they do?

In case of your father, what was he doing to attain/keep women?

And no I am not planning to do any of that. As mentioned earlier, I am looking for genuine emotional connection. I am just trying to understand what they do in order to answer the question "why can others get away with it and I can't".

It's not the same thing-----but it's almost like a murderer saying that another murderer "gets away with it"----why can't I?

There are three problems with the fact that they won't give me a chance:

1) I have trouble getting women to talk to me on the first place. Not because of temper, but rather because of other communication problems that are out of my control. Thats why its a shame when with the very few women that DID talk to me, or even dated me, I screw things up due to things that ARE in my control -- whether it would be things like coming an hour late to the date OR things like temper tantrums. Thats why I would want a chance in both of those cases. Because it takes months or even years until a woman would finally talk to me. So I don't want to wait another months or years ALL because I did something I shouldn't have done.

2) What if, among the women whom I pushed away by temper tantrums, there are the ones I genuinely like? For example, one of the women I pushed away this way is Messianic, like I am. The other one is a former Miss Nebraska whose ancestors came to the US on Mayflower. Now, will I be able to find other women who have qualities that would match those? Given my poor luck with women in general, the chances are slim.

3) If you ask about the logic behind the fact that women won't give second chances, the logic seems to be that they are assuming I will always be that way. So that seems like a condemnation of my life as a whole rather than just the relationship with those specific women. If those women seem so sure I will never change, that implies that I won't change with any other women either, so then my whole life would go down the drain. And thats not the kind of message that I like. The message that I like is precisely what you said: that yes I can change. But if thats the case, then the logical question is: why wouldn't those specific women give me a chance if I can change?



Fellow physicist? Yes that would be great! Someone with temper tantrum? No, I would prefer a woman without a temper tantrum. Now I am not saying that temper tantrum would be a dealbreaker, it won't. I would certainly rather be with a physicist with temper than with someone with GED without temper. But the point is that temper won't be a positive, it would be a negative, although a negative I can overlook.

Well, I guess with murder the answer is obvious while in case of dating not so obvious.

For murder, the answer is: "of course none of them would get away if they were caught, the point is that they weren't caught".

But in case of dating its like "yes they were caught (they didn't hide their temper) yet they got away anyway".

Now if a murderer was able to walk free even though they never even tried to hide their crime, THAT would be interesting wouldn't it.