Nice Guys suck...

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Don't take it so seriously though. It's more like an editorial than an operational manual. A lot of that stuff just depends on people's individual tastes and quirks, and aren't necessarily universal "red flags".

There are bits of useful information on that site, but a lot of it is just ranting.

I agree.

Tim

I think one way that self-diagnosed "nice men" go wrong is that some of them expect to use their niceness as a kind of currency or tradeoff. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I "must not like nice guys" because Mr. X did me a nice favor and I failed to fall in love with him over it (and I've seen other girls go through the same).

Niceness with an ulterior motive doesn't smell the same as altruism.

And yeah, we don't want perfection. If someone's a good match for you, being genuine is the most endearing thing you could do around that person. (easier said than done, I know)

I counted about 10 but they all related to aspergers.

I think anyone who is Nice shouldn't actually call themselves nice... it just reeks of pretentiousness. "I'm so nice... I'm going to blow your mind."

Men should never look down on women for not accepting them. If it's not working... it's not working... let it go. You lose all credibility when you talk down of someone you fancied just a little while ago...

The biggest issue is that "genuinely" nice AS guys... their issues more come from social anxiety and other things... which can make them look weird when they actually are caring.

It's hard to put your best self forward when you don't know how your actions are going to be interpreted.

I read a part of that red-flags list, I don't have any so that's a plus.

Very true. For girls, too. Especially AS guys and AS girls interacting together.

Well, maybe not like it is so much as how they feel it is, which is just as, if not more valuable, than how it actually is if someone is interested in dating that type of person. I mean, it all depends on what someone wants in a partner. One line I found especially interesting was about how healthy peeple have healthy friends and unhealthy peeple have unhealthy friends, which seems tantamount to stating that like people tend to be friends.
Iono about you or the other posters on this board, but healthy people, in the sense that they are common, are hella f'n boring imo... As far as healthy relates to some structured norm, which may or may not be the case assuming we actually had enough information to compare a group to each other in terms of perceived/desired traits. In fact, I think that sites like eh4rm0n3zy actually serve to concentrate social characteristics as their matching algorithm becomes accurate. Not that we could accurately quantify personality in any meaningful way in the first place...

Very true. The norm in society today is to trade assets in all relationships. Using niceness as a currency is not nice, therefore it's a contradiction. Gifts do not have obligations attached, otherwise they're payments for services. Being genuine is one of the hardest things people can do for each other. Some people never learn how to do that in their lives.

I've made the mistake in dealing with people equating my gift giving as me being nice(The Cable Guy ). Though never in any kind of romantic relationship(never had a girlfriend). But its absolutely true gift giving is not the same as being nice. That was merely my past attempts to build bonds with people but the reality is a NT person rapidly and even non-verbally can build a bond with another person. A person with aspergers might know the person for years and still never build such a relationship. Oh do not consider me a whining emo here I'm very close to schizoid personality and prefer being alone.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not nice.

Women don't like "nice guys." They never have in history, and they never will. That's just the way it is.

Who do you think was having more fun with the ladies during Roman times: a battle-hardened soldier, or a street actor reciting poetry?

The one who wasn't in the camp with
all the other soldiers.

I don't think its completely to the exclusion of nice guys, just that there's usually something else the particular guy has about him that makes him interesting. We have a friend actually who owns a major restaurant downtown, used to be a semi-pro surfer, and he's the nicest guy you could meet. Women flock to him and I think its the fact that his kindness is backed up with a degree of quiet confidence that they couldn't miss to save their lives.

Not saying that all nice guys need to have major accomplishments in extreme sports or sportbike riding, just that I think when kindness comes from a place of lacking confidence I'd imagine its a huge turnoff for women.

What I'd add to that is that pretty much every guy has something that he could be confident about. It doesn't have to be something that popular culture values, in order to attract the opposite sex.

Aspie guys have a great asset in their special interests.

Thank you, you're right about that. They said that Valerie Solanas of all people kicked ass. Anyone who feels that way=automatic red flag

Presuming that one's interest doesn't
creep every reasonable person out.