Conversations always run out of steam and women don’t help?

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15 Feb 2023, 11:18 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

In general, if two people can't manage light, spontaneous conversations they likely aren't suited.
I think that's true whether it's written form like here or PM, or verbally.
It doesn't matter if it's the guy or the woman or even between two friends.
There are exceptions if one person has a serious communication disorder etc., but that's rare.

Move on if this is an ongoing issue with the other person.
Don't move on if it's your first time talking.
Sometimes it takes a little while to get into the groove.

That last point is very important, IMO. Too many people expect instant total "chemistry." It may take a while for "chemistry" to develop.

IsabellaLinton wrote:

I don't get the point of blocking or ghosting anyone, ever, unless they're abusive.

I totally agree.

IMO, everyone should learn the art of rejecting someone diplomatically but clearly and firmly. Only an overt rejection can give both parties "closure."

Ghosting or blocking might then be needed later, if the person continues to pester you and refuses to take no for an answer. But not before then. IMO ghosting and blocking someone, as a way to avoid verbally rejecting someone, is both cowardly and extremely rude.

The unfortunate fact that ghosting/blocking have become as commonplace as they now are is, IMO, a symptom of the atomization of contemporary Western society.

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beady
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16 Feb 2023, 12:07 am

Perhaps it would help if you had a list prepared of relevant questions or topic ideas that could help you when the conversation gets sluggish. This won't really work for an in person meet up but you could memorize a few for that situation.

If you try two or three of these and the other person is unable or unwilling to respond and come up with a few follow up comments or questions for you, then it may be time to say you have to take your dog for a walk or help your family with something.

Aero_T
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16 Feb 2023, 9:37 am

Dermatillomanian wrote:

Hi everyone, as some of the male people here might recognise, I’m having trouble maintaining conversations. This means that whenever I run out of things to say, I have to ghost or block a girl. But how about asking women to contribute possibly over 50% of the time to existing conversations or starting new ones. After all, women these days are always going on about equality and empowerment, so surely they should like this responsibility. I’m fearful though that asking for this responsibility will result in women ghosting or blocking me or telling me to F off or that I’m a “needy simp”. What do I do, I’ve been on online dating apps for two years with no dates and it feels like women are banning me from even first dates?

Just wondering, are you are showing any interest in the other person as a person? Generally most people have some things they like to talk about. Showing interest in another persons interests and opinions is a great way to keep a conversation going.

The way you expressed the question makes me think you have male friends who you have satisfying conversations with. Have you considered that the difference might be due not the sex of the other person but to your attitude when talking to girls?

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Feb 2023, 2:36 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Pro tip, and that’s gender neutral: if the other party is making ZERO effort to maintain the conversation flow, or to initiate conversations = not interested in you.

Sorry OP, those women weren’t interested in you, ghosting/blocking them is the right move.

Ghosting/blocking is completely unnecessary and rude. I would say: If the conversation has naturally come to an end, just end it by excusing yourself and saying you have to go do something. Then, if the other person is indeed not interested, chances are they won't contact you again.

But I am rude.

And...

Or...

klanka
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16 Feb 2023, 2:45 pm

LOL

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Feb 2023, 2:45 pm

Now that's a blocking like a boss...

Lecia_Wynter
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16 Feb 2023, 2:51 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

That last point is very important, IMO. Too many people expect instant total "chemistry." It may take a while for "chemistry" to develop.

If it takes a while for chemistry to develop that is institutionalized Patriarchy/dystopia and it sounds like your species is in need of a genetic upgrade.

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16 Feb 2023, 2:57 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

But I am rude.

Petty is a more accurate word to describe the behaviour than rude.

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16 Feb 2023, 3:08 pm

Lecia_Wynter wrote:

If it takes a while for chemistry to develop that is institutionalized Patriarchy/dystopia and it sounds like your species is in need of a genetic upgrade.

??? Why on Earth should anyone expect instant "chemistry," in any kind of society, even the best conceivable ones???

It seems to me that the only reason why anyone would even remotely entertain the idea that instant "chemistry" is an even remotely reasonable expectation, in the first place, is because that's what happens in the movies. And the only reason why it happens that way in the movies is because movies are too short for it to happen any other way.

Alas, too many people take the movies as a model for real life and hence have lots of intrinsically unrealistic expectations.

EDIT: I should clarify that I am talking here about romantic relationship "chemistry," not sexual "chemistry." The latter, of course, can develop much faster than relationship "chemistry," at least if both parties happen to be interested in casual encounters.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 16 Feb 2023, 3:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.

uncommondenominator
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16 Feb 2023, 3:25 pm

I can't help but wonder if there might be some type of connection or correlation between being rude, and people being uninterested in maintaining a conversation with said rude person.

Rude guys blocking the women that don't want to talk to them sounds like a self-correcting problem, rather than any sort of punishment.

I still can't get past the OPs assumption that if a convo dwindles off, it's the woman's fault somehow.

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Feb 2023, 4:25 pm

Quote:

Petty is a more accurate word to describe the behaviour than rude.

Huh...you call me Petty? How dare you!

**BLOCKS funeralxempire** (using my own implemented COOL block feature)

Muhahaha

Anyway, this is a client-side "blocking" only, I have no access to Alex's server code.

funeralxempire
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16 Feb 2023, 4:31 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Petty is a more accurate word to describe the behaviour than rude.

Huh...you call me Petty? How dare you!

**BLOCKS funeralxempire** (using my own implemented COOL block feature)

Muhahaha

Anyway, this is a client-side "blocking" only, I have no access to Alex's server code.

I can't imagine why you struggle. :lol:

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Feb 2023, 4:31 pm

Lecia_Wynter wrote:

Mona Pereth wrote:

That last point is very important, IMO. Too many people expect instant total "chemistry." It may take a while for "chemistry" to develop.

If it takes a while for chemistry to develop that is institutionalized Patriarchy/dystopia and it sounds like your species is in need of a genetic upgrade.

You.

I think I like you.

How can I be your alpha male*? *roaarrr*

*Or rather, your non-binary alpha **roaaarrs*

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Feb 2023, 6:07 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

I can't imagine why you struggle. :lol:

Oh damn… I still see you on phone, I shall run this script here too :lol:

.

Struggle? Not really, nope. I haven’t been single for long since 2016.

Imagine again.

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1097&p=9238533#p9238533

TwilightPrincess
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16 Feb 2023, 6:30 pm

This thread reminds me of the behavior I observed when I was subbing in a middle school.

Nah, the kids weren’t THAT bad.

funeralxempire
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16 Feb 2023, 6:32 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

I can't imagine why you struggle. :lol:

Oh damn… I still see you on phone, I shall run this script here too :lol:

.

Struggle? Not really, nope. I haven’t been single for long since 2016.

Imagine again.

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1097&p=9238533#p9238533

I'm happy for you.

It doesn't detract from my main point that being petty and passive-aggressive doesn't lend itself to social successes. Most people don't enjoy the company of people who display those traits; muahaha, i blocked you for not talking enough is a really childish and petty way to behave. It doesn't show them anything, it likely isn't noticed and sometimes is just needlessly vindictive against someone who's awkward.

But, I assume you'll carry on like you've pwned me for criticizing your behaviour. It doesn't even prevent me from criticizing your posts, it just prevents you from rebutting. :lol:

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