dating a demisexual

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I'm in the same boat, but thankfully, my wife seems to be stumbling onto that conclusion. But, it can be hard to communicate to some people.

I wouldn’t be upset if someone wanted to have sex less often than me. Not at all. I certainly wouldn’t want them to feel obligated to do anything they didn’t really want to do.

I'm not fully ready to get in the sack with him yet. as we've just met. but i definitely like him and know its going to get there eventually for me.
what i don't want to do is pressure him and make him FEEL like he has to. i know there's usually a lot of prejudice that guys MUST be sexual performers so am really just wanting to know how to make him comfortable. even with things like touching and kissing, I've let him take the lead.
on the flip side, if he does get to that point, i don't want there to be any confusion that IS what I want. so i guess i feel a sort of mental catch-22 where I'd like him to know I'm ready when he is, while also emphasizing that he can take his time

I think that things could happen organically as they do in most other relationships. It just might take longer to reach that point. Have there been other forms of physical affection yet?

But your partner isn’t on the same page.

Better luck with page 3.

If I was the OP I'd say it's no different than a normal relationship because both people still have to say or show what they want before anything happens like hooking up. The OP can just say they are interested if the other one is and then they wait to know if the other person is interested just like any two people would do before getting tgoether.

I’d be on page 69.

Sorry, as you were asking this question, I assumed you were a bit farther along, although from what you said here I can't really say whether it's too soon to address the issue in practical terms. Although if you've truly "just met him" it's unlikely he's developed the sort of feelings for you that are supposedly needed for a demisexual to develop interest.


"Demisexual" as I believe I said before could mean different things to different people, however if your (long-term) intention is to get him interested in you in a sexual way, I could suggest all sorts of tactics, however much of what I'd say would need to be said in the Adult section. However if he pushes you away no matter what you try, you may be out of luck. The one thing I don't suggest is talking about canonical intercourse, you (as a potential couple) should begin with simple touching of an erotic nature. Also, I disagree with the widespread belief that any sort of physical affection must be preceded by a verbal negotiation, so long as you're prepared to abandon any such advance should he push you away.

But like I said, if he hasn't had the opportunity to develop the proper feelings I guess you'll just have to wait, or else his demisexuality might be of a different sort i.e. some other sort of hesitancy regarding sex, possibly due to an earlier experience.

I’m seeing some misconceptions in this thread. Here’s some good information:

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-demis ... isexuality

Building trust and open communication are especially important when one is dating a demisexual. Things will probably unfold naturally, as with any relationship. It just might take longer.

Seeking “tactics” in the adult forum on how to turn him on is NOT recommended. That is no way to build trust.

Advice for demis and their partners:


http://demisexuality.org/articles/datin ... emisexual/

I don’t think you need to worry too much about your interest not being perceived. It would be similar to any other relationship. Open communication built on trust would certainly help, though.

I have identified as demi-sexual as long as I've been aware of the term (which wasn't until probably my 30s).

In short, "normal" people usually start with sexual attraction, and sometimes try to build a meaningful relationship around it. Demisexuals try to build meaningful relationships that eventually get to sexual attraction.

I need to feel very comfortable in the relationship. I need to experience emotional intimacy before I'm interested in physical intimacy. FWB or one night stands are almost inconceivable.

(Given all the stupid things people do because of sexual attraction, I really find it hard to believe demisexuality isn't strictly superior to normal sexuality.)

I've had three relationships where there might have been sex. One was very patient and understanding despite her having had three past partners and me being a virgin (we never did end up having sex). Another was also very patient and understanding despite her having seven past partners and me still being a virgin (we did end up having sex). There was one "relationship" between those two involving a young woman seemed eager for sex despite having broken up with someone else no long before we met, despite us having only gone on a few dates, and despite her insistence that we weren't in a relationship. It was really off-putting; everything about the situation (in addition to my own personality) said take it slow.

I echo the other comment that if the relationship isn't getting to sex fast enough for one of the people involved then it's not a viable relationship. Do not try to seem sexier or get him excited. Focus on building meaningful emotional connection. I will never be in a hurry to have sex in a relationship and, if you are, we're not compatible. Mind you, once we get to that point, I do enjoy it.