Don't Love Your Family? Don't Understand Love?

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^ Psychopathic? Maybe, but I dunno doubt it. Is it healthy? Doubt that to. I'd guess it's more likely depression, alexithymia, some kind of emotional detach. If it were more psychopathic, I doubt the OP would have been bothered to be there for his mother when she was dying or help manage the affairs after her death. But maybe I'm just projecting my own crap. I'm not the most emotional person you'll ever meet.

As to the OP... my relationship with my parents was not great growing up, so I'm not sure if my thoughts on this are welcome or not. I'll keep it short. I did find much value in my paternal grandparents, one of my aunts as well. I have fond thoughts of several of my cousins and two aunts and two uncles. Do I love any of them? I don't know. I struggle to identify my emotions and even know if I'm feeling anything. I also have that sense of duty and obligation to people and I often wonder if that's my version of love. Maybe you do feel love, just not the same way as other people do. I really can't say though. I'm not professional, just some random person sitting in front of a laptop.

Understandable, but other than very low empathy I have almost none of the other psychopath symptoms. For some of them I'm the exact opposite.

Charm & Charisma? No.

Cruelty and Sadism? Absolutely not.

Liar. No, honest to a fault.

Thrillseeker? Absolutely not.

Disregard for rules? Exactly the opposite.

Unafraid of consequences? Often quite worried about them, if I stop to think about them.

Shallow relationships? I was looking for deep relationships unusually early.

Lack of guilt? On the contrary, I suffer from extreme guilt, despite my scrupulous morals. I have chronic guilt about my mistakes and failings.

I'm not aggressive or confrontational, to a fault.

Ha. I never loved my family. In fact I can remember being really young and telling a neighbour that I don't love my mum and dad.

I just didn't. I later went to live in children's homes and it just didn't bother me. I don't feel bad about it either. Why would I?

I have very shallow emotions about anything really.

I don't mind if people want to love me it's just that I struggle to reciprocate it so I show my appreciation in more practical ways.

It sounds like your family had some major problems from a young age, which might have impaired forming a bond with them.

I can certainly see why I wouldn't love my father, because he failed at parenting and was frequently absent from my childhood and adolescence.

I can't pinpoint any abuse or neglect in my childhood from my mother, and I don't know that my adolescent relationship was any more turbulent than average.



I don't have any problem with someone loving me as long as it's within reason.

If a woman looks at me like a puppy looks at its owner that's when gets a bit uncomfortable. (And possibly a sign of codependency?)

I said you had psychopathic levels of empathy. I didn’t call you a psychopath.

It's kind of implied.

So what conditions have "psychopath levels of empathy" besides psychopathy?

I can relate. And this subject used to really bother me until I learned that ASD is a disorder of emotional regulation, among other things. I felt little to nothing except passion (good or bad) for most of my life. So, I began to watch people. Regular people who did love and I began to mimic their behavior of sacrifice and doing for others they claimed to love... I stopped worrying about what I felt or didn't feel, began to focus more on what I did because 'love' is an action, or it seemed to be to me.
Believe it or not, it's worked.
My advice is, if you wish to express love, is to do kind acts for the people who you think you should love and then evaluate how the entire process makes you feel. Sort of putting the cart before the horse...

Fake until you feel it is an old mantra of customer service.

I'm well-trained. I'm good at going through the motions. I can often deduce what is the right thing to do, then I do it because it is the right thing to do.

For example, I try to make a point to say hello and goodbye to my coworkers, and to remember to ask them how such-and-such in their life is going because, even if I don't care, I understand that is an important person/thing to them.

Thoughtfulness and kindness creates a pleasant work environment, but does not bridge the gap between me and any of them.

In contrast, a few years back I was visiting a friend, with whom I have a complicated relationship. One morning while they were getting ready I did the dishes. I hadn't been asked to. I hate doing dishes. But I wanted to do the dishes for her, not simply because it seemed the right thing to do.

^ I wanted to do the things I did, too. I just wasn't expecting the feelings they generated. It was an experiment of sorts. I knew they needed the help, I knew I was capable of providing the help even though I wasn't particularly excited about the physical aspect of the work (heat exposure, sweating, etc). But, I was excited at the prospect of doing something unselfish (a foreign concept at the time), and feeling physically exhausted after a long day of expending energy. I tend to do better if I'm on the move, as opposed to sitting around like a hairball. So, I dressed for work, pre-hydrated and re-hydrated, dealt with the sweat, got filthy, experienced the pleasure of task completion and the gratitude of the people I helped. Along the way I not only gained a sense of purpose, but pride in a job well done. And I really started to like these people I was helping, when previously I'd just sort of felt flat for them. And they are family...

I think someone with psychopathic levels of empathy would tell their mom they hated her to intentionally hurt her because they were mad about being forced to go to the funeral. It's a common stereotype for teens to tell their parents they hate them when the teen is getting punished or not allowed to do something. There is a huge diifference between intentionally wanting to hurt someone's feelings for anger or manipulation purposes vs being honest & not really processing how it will hurt someone's feelings in the moment. The latter is common for those of us on the spectrum. My girlfriend is very likely on the spectrum & she's usually very empathic but she's also honest to a fault & has had various tims when she's hurt others feeling because she was directly asked something & she gave an honest answer instead of telling a white lie to make them feel good. Like a friend asks Cass about an outfit or hairstyle being attractive on them. Cass gives her honest opinion about not liking it, friend gets mad & Cass blames herself & feels like cr@p for a month for upsetting her former friend & losing the friendship. Someone with psychpathic emathy would not really feel bad about hurting others feelings nor losing their friendship.

I've never had Imposter Syndrome; I know I know what I know. I can take some pride in a job well done.

I can feel the sting of criticism, depending on who and about what.

However, I find it very difficult to internalize praise. No matter how sincere it is or who it comes from it doesn't make me feel as good as it seems like I should. I know it; I just can't feel it.

I have complicated feelings toward my family, but my family kind of sucks - abusers, religious fanatics, that sort of thing. I wasn't at all sad when my grandmother died 6 months ago. She was a very unpleasant person who was physically abusive, shunned me for years because I left her religion, and much more.

Anyway, this probably doesn't relate to your situation. I do understand love, but I'm not going to love someone just because they are related to me. It took me a very long time to get to this point. Perhaps statistically, people who aren't related to me are more likely to be trustworthy, decent, and empathetic.

However, I will say that I love my son more than anything in the world.