Should you save sex for marriage?

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Where does marriage come from? Man? or God?

Marriage is a direct reflection of God.

God is a trinity being. When God looks on a married couple He sees them as one.... One with Him, as God is the third person in the marriage! The third person in the contract!

Isiah 62v4

^ I guess it depends on if you believe in God or not and, then, on which God you believe in. I'm an atheist and believe that marriage is 100% man-made. If I believed in God, I would have trouble understanding why a legally binding, physical contract would be important to him, her, or them. I'd prefer to keep a third person out of a relationship. I don't really like the idea of a ménage à trois, but different strokes for different folks.

Marriage comes from humans, to protect women and children from infidelity, poverty, and STDs.

The idea of God presiding over marriage or sending people to Hell was a form of moral gaslighting so men would keep it in their pants. I believe that's true whether God exists or not. If he does exist, he certainly wouldn't care what two loving people choose to do with their God-given bodies so long as antibiotics and birth control both exist.

It had good intentions when it was invented, and I see the benefits of it today in some circumstances, but it isn't required for a society to survive -- at least not the way it was needed in the past.

The main reason I want to get married besides having a husband is so I can experience the spectacle of a wedding

I have been in a wedding before

Just not as a bride!

I want to change that

In my experience as a many-times wedding guest, no one really thinks of the bride or the wedding as a beautiful spectacle. They'll say she looks pretty no matter how she looks. They'll say they had a great time. In reality, most wedding guests have zero interest in being there, zero interest in the "theme", they hate buying wedding gifts, they're indifferent about the food, and they're just as glad when it's over. Some people take bets on how long the marriage will last.

If you want to be the centre of attention maybe throw yourself a big birthday party and wear a white dress.

I don't like being the center of attention. I usually try to blend into the wallpaper. It's best to find out what the wallpaper looks like before an event, so one can find a dress or leotard that matches accordingly.

I was a bridesmaid once. I didn't like it. Having hundreds of people looking at me in an ugly dress was not my cup of tea. I don't think I'd want to be looked at in an attractive dress, either. Of course, it'd be better than being looked at in no dress...

I just peed a little.



I've worn some doozies of bridesmaid dresses. Hot Peach, Sparkling Grape, Grandmother's Green.

My wedding dress was very pretty but I forgot to take the stuffing out of the shoulders (circa 1991), so I look like a linebacker in any photos where the wind blew.

I wanted to hide the whole time too.


My greatest wish is to walk invisible.

Needless to say in my personal life saving sex for marriage has been a non-starter.

A couple points though. Does saving sex for marriage mean the couple don't see each other naked before the wedding night or simply don't do penetration? There's actually some point to the latter approach. Avoiding penetration, you can still get your rocks off and drown in endorphins but avoid pregnancy and even reduce the risk from STDs. I once dated someone who was saving it for marriage in that sense, and our sexy time was as hot as anything I'd experienced. I've also experienced PIV that wasn't much better than masturbation.

Considering the more strict version of saving it though, for vulnerable people (with vaginas) with disabilities, waiting until finding someone willing to wait is a practical way to remain safe. In the world in which such people depend on caregivers, this is still seen by some as the standard.

I am willing to have sex before marriage as long as it's not penetration

My daughter's best friend didn't kiss her husband until they were engaged. Then that was all they did until the wedding, which had to be postponed a few times because of Covid lockdowns.

She ended up having her period on their wedding day so they didn't consummate until it ended a few days later. Apparently he didn't know what a period was. He was also very sheltered and religious. His parents hadn't taught him anything about women's bodies or reproduction.

As for people with disabilities being vulnerable, I get what you're saying but in my case I had the house and the money. He used me for financial security despite the fact I was physically and emotionally disabled. The disabled person doesn't always need a financial white knight to be their provider. Sometimes it's the other way around, but it's still dangerous.

I guess I got a double whammy.

It depends on the couple.

Actually, I think it's important for vulnerable people not to wait, so they can ascertain if they are sexually compatible with their potential spouse. (Obviously, it’s important that they are knowledgeable about consent and safe sex, though.) Finding someone who is willing to wait in no way ensures safety. Vulnerable people are at a greater risk of getting stuck in an abusive situation. Getting out of an abusive marriage could be especially problematic for certain demographics.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 06 Aug 2023, 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It depends on the person and their beliefs.

Personally, I believe you should be smart, and trust the person who you are going to partake in sex with. Do not rush into things. Have consent. Do not pressure anyone into having it. Really, really mull over it. People worship sex as if it is the best thing ever in the entire world. To some, I suppose.

Part of me feels unclean that I have slept with multiple guys, and it was a waste of time. A part of my...I dunno. Not going to say soul or heart - but a piece of me is with them. I don't like to dwell on it much. I shouldn't feel that bad since I made those choices. I really wish I didn't.

^ Yeah, I hear you. My first time sucked, too.

There's always circumstances that make it advisable to have sex before marriage.

Such as?

^
Ensuring compatibility
Pleasure
Enjoying each other as a couple