Aspie dating success stories

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Sure

yeah, its just i hear of lots of stories of guys, men, reaching 30s, 40s, an 50s and having never dated, or never had a girlfriend before, meanwhile i never or very rarely hear of stories or cases like that for women. Its a reminder on how cruel nature and reality can be.[/quote]

I have to agree with this statement. Generally speaking the dating market is skewed more in women's favor. For example look at how many responses an average woman can get on a online dating profile compared to an average man. An average woman can get hundreds of offers for dates and sex whereas an average man may be lucky to get a handful of offers if any. This is also supported by the fact that we humans have twice as many female ancestors as male, indicating that most women in ancient times passed on their genes, while only half or less of the men did the same.

this has been repeated ad nauseum throughout L&D but you need to acknowledge there's a lot of women on WP who are also struggling to meet men (and of course other genders).

One minor additional point - 95.5% of men on dating apps get zero offers from women from placing their profile on an app like tinder.
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25 ... ker%20News

In order for these men to garner interest they must swipe right first in order to let the woman know they are interested first. this makes sense as in the real world probably only 0.1% of women would make the first move.

Yes, this topic has come up ad nauseam on WP even when it’s unnecessary and even though it inevitably leads to removed posts and locked threads because it’s not allowed.

There are a lot of women struggling to meet a suitable partner in general, not just on WP. Meeting someone is just as difficult for women, but we may be less likely to complain about it.(Dating apps are a bit different due, in part, to the gender imbalance which is related to safety concerns.) On WP, for instance, folks often make dismissive comments about women’s struggles with dating/finding someone. People commonly assume that if a woman is single she’s too picky or “undatable” for some reason. When a woman says she’s single, she may also be more likely to experience harassment. Been there, experienced that.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 27 Sep 2024, 11:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Can you please explain why women would be less likely to complain about being single or unable to find a boyfriend? Is there more of a precived stigma towards single women?

It seems Twilight already addressed your questions by saying single women are viewed as undatable or picky. Sex culture also suggests that an unpartnered woman is somehow defective, undesirable, unsexy, or unstable.

Throughout history they've been castigated as spinsters, witches, barren psychos and the subject of folklore. If women are young and good looking but single they're met with dismissive comments that they could have anyone they want. They're harassed and told they're expecting too much to want a partner who is compatible or respects them as human instead of a sex toy. They're told they're gold diggers if they want someone secure, but they're whores if they play the field.

Many women have experienced physical, sexual and emotional trauma meaning they're single by choice, but quite often men refuse to accept their trauma could be worse than that of blue balls, or Single Male Syndrome.

It gets annoying and humiliating to be invalidated, so that's why some women learn to keep their feelings to themselves.

Thanks, that answers my question. Sorry for going off topic.

thanks, in terms of educating Canadian freedom this is better coming from female WP members than me.

Getting back on topic, I suppose we need to define "dating success". Some people might take this to mean the ability to easily find desirable sex partners. However, most people would probably define it as achieving long-term romantic companionship. However, the latter might not necessarily appear as dating in the sense of "asking people out on dates". People can meet in all sorts of ways. Two people in a student residence might be mutually attracted and start visiting each other in their respective rooms. They will probably do things together like go shopping or to a concert or whatever, but never have what we would think of as a formal date.

Having said that, yes there are most definitely cases of "aspies" including cisgender males with formal diagnoses of autism, who are in serious relationships. For example, Emily Becker who was on LOTSUSA is in a very well established relationship with a guy who publicly identifies as autistic. But in that case, the guy has a good job and seems to be well off financially. There was an autistic couple on LOTSAUS who got married, but the guy wasn't diagnosed until his fiancée urged him to get diagnosed, so obviously he hadn't been aware of having a disability that might impact his ability to achieve "dating success" and he also has a good income. Another LOTSUSA star, Dani Bowman, is or was in a relationship with somebody (Adan) she was paired with on the show, who I believe is on the spectrum (because otherwise he probably wouldn't have been chosen). Previously she was set up on a date with somebody named Matt who identifies as autistic, probably diagnosed, who seems very much at ease with dating and probably has considerable "dating success".

All these guys are conventionally attractive to varying degrees and have, or appear to have, good incomes. But that's probably not typical of the "average" autistic.

Anyway that's probably the most positive answer I can give.

It was the OP who took the thread off-topic, and his misconceptions about women needed to be addressed. ^

I have plenty of success stories related to my relationship but men don't want to hear them. If I were to say how happy I am, that we have a great sex life, or that things are going well it might make lonely men feel uncomfortable, jealous, or angry with other women (including possibly myself) for not dating them.

It's a lose-lose situation for women to speak up.


TLDR- Yes I have a success story but I'll leave it at that.

Ummm.
Isn't your marriage an aspie success story?

I have to agree with this statement. Generally speaking the dating market is skewed more in women's favor. For example look at how many responses an average woman can get on a online dating profile compared to an average man. An average woman can get hundreds of offers for dates and sex whereas an average man may be lucky to get a handful of offers if any. This is also supported by the fact that we humans have twice as many female ancestors as male, indicating that most women in ancient times passed on their genes, while only half or less of the men did the same.[/quote]

some mens dating coaches say, this, i agree with them, it is, men are naturally by default in scarcity with women, women naturally by default are in abundance with men.

The reminder of how cruel nature and reality can be is seen in the multiple threads we've created about interpersonal dating violence, sexual assault, the murder and exploitation of girls and women, and the fact women no longer own their bodies in many US states.





It's misogynistic and unempathetic attitudes like this which lead to many men failing in the dating market.

One reason I don't use myself as an example is that I'm self-diagnosed, which was much more common 11 years ago than it is today, but I believe that would somewhat discredit whatever I said. Regarding myself, it would seem that when I was younger, I was significantly more attractive than I believed myself to be, because during my adolescence, my peers would say things to suggest I wasn't, but subsequent experience seems to suggest otherwise. I have tried to post before about the extent to which people avoid the topic of attractiveness vs. "dating success" and usually those threads have turned into discussions of gender politics that have nothing to do with what I was trying to say. But it's possible that I had some success just due to women seeing me and deciding either they liked what they saw, or at least found me acceptable in the case of a couple who were blatantly seeking sex and born too soon for the benefits of Tinder.

I will say though, that my "courtship" of my wife was the closest thing to a traditional dating relationship I ever experienced, by which I mean asking someone on dates and becoming more intimate as dates progressed. By then I was almost 32 and it took me that long to get to that point, but prior "romantic" relationships and situationships had given me confidence I could find women who were attracted, and in addition I did have a "good" job and owned a condo, which I guess gave me an unfair advantage if compared to "typical" single autistic men. I've talked about these things here before.

Last edited by MaxE on 28 Sep 2024, 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

It seems like a lot of folks on here are in relationships or have been in meaningful relationships even without good jobs or being conventionally attractive. Those who haven’t been might want to think about what’s holding them back. Often, there’s something going on besides the superficial stuff that some folks hyperfocus on around here. Many women aren’t particularly attractive or wealthy and wouldn’t expect that in a partner. When I was young and mildly attractive, I didn’t care about those things. There are people out there who don’t. I think a common problem for members in online communities are sexist attitudes and beliefs. I’m just trying to provide constructive feedback by saying that. It’s frustrating seeing people not make adjustments that could make all the difference in the world.

Obviously, many other things including shyness and social awkwardness can make dating difficult as well. Working on those things rather than focusing on stuff you might not be able to change may be prudent, not that there aren’t factors that are outside our control, too.

Well put. ^

My concern is that most of the threads like this in LD are about “aspies”, but I get the impression that women’s points of view aren’t expected or appreciated when shared.

If a woman says she can’t find good relationships or hasn’t had success it seems she’s dismissed as not making a valid contribution, or for being wrong. Conversely, if a woman says she’s had good experiences dating it seems to prove some men’s belief that women have it “easier”, and it validates those men when they say women don’t face equal challenges to men.

I’m never sure what we’re supposed to say but it seems like the word “aspie” is code speak for “men only”, when it shouldn’t be.