Feel bad for being attracted to women younger than me

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MaxE
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18 Dec 2024, 6:55 am

When I was single, I never wanted to commit to a relationship with somebody significantly older. My mother was > 8 years older than my father. My grandmother was 2 years older than my grandfather. In both cases, cheating occurred. In the case of my grandmother, it was her little sister. I also saw some examples of coworkers who were married to significantly older women, and almost always there was some struggle to keep the marriage alive. This gave me a bad impression and I've always preferred to be with someone a bit younger. My wife is 4.5 years younger. I think this is a good age combination. Previously, I had been in a relationship with someone 6.5 years younger, and "generational" differences sometimes came up. I think 5 years is a good limit. My most successful previous relationship was with somebody 3.5 years younger. Actually, when I first met my wife, I thought her about 3 years younger than she was, and was honestly relieved she wasn't that young, as I would have expected issues due to age difference.

Although what works for me won't necessarily work for others. But we're all entitled to our preferences whether they work out for us or not.


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RetroGamer87
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18 Dec 2024, 9:37 pm

chris1989 wrote:
As a 30+ year old man, I still find myself attracted to women in their early 20s. It makes me feel as though I should ONLY date and be attracted to women my own age but then what about men five years younger than me.

I don't feel bad about it at all.


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Carbonhalo
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19 Dec 2024, 2:03 am

I'm not going to hit on anyone under half my age, but if they want to cheer me up with mild flirting I'll enthusiastically consent.
While I'm in hospital and surrounded by pretty nurses I try not to stare and really enjoy being able to make them grin.
There's a lot of grumpy patients here but despite pain, sleep deprivation and insufficient drugs I am happy to have nurses to interact with. (Any gender... they're all fun to joke with)

I must be getting Methusalaic because they all look like teens to me, but holy crap ...they're all beautiful.



kokopelli
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19 Dec 2024, 6:01 am

MaxE wrote:
When I was single, I never wanted to commit to a relationship with somebody significantly older.


When I was 20 or so, I had a date one night with a woman who had kids older than me and who had a husband at home watching tv.

That was more than a little weird.



MaxE
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19 Dec 2024, 6:18 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
While I'm in hospital and surrounded by pretty nurses I try not to stare and really enjoy being able to make them grin.

Well I do hope you'll get better.


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DuckHairback
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19 Dec 2024, 8:42 am

It seems to me that one of the important things you have to learn as you age is how to appreciate beauty without wanting to 'posses' it. This applies to objects as well as people. Perhaps some people are born with that ability. I wasn't.

When it comes to women, I don't expect to ever look at a beautiful young woman and not appreciate it. The shapes, the movement are all designed to please my eye and pique my interest. That's just animal stuff.

But I also accept that those women are not for me anymore and I have to be honest that my interest in them is mainly aesthetic, tactile and to some extent egotistical.

And that's why I'm suspicious of older men who do actively pursue young women.

Because I fail to understand how an older man and a significantly younger woman can be in a relationship of equals, which is the sort of relationship I want. Anything other than that feels grubby to me.

What would we talk about? What would we laugh about? Wouldn't it be weird not to have cultural touchstones? Wouldn't it be boring to have to explain what VHS was? Or who Roland Rat was? Do I have to pretend that everything she was experiencing for the first time as she grows older, I haven't already seen at least once before? Why wouldn't that be annoying for her?

I can't service a younger woman's cultural and intellectual needs any more than she can service mine.

Personally, as I've aged, I've found my tastes in women have aged too. When I was in my 20s, yes, I would have struggled to find women twice my age attractive. Now, I see many women my own age and older who are both physically and mentally attractive to me.

The younger ones only really appeal physically. And yes, on the rare occasion one shows an interest in me, or I can fool myself into thinking that at least, that's a little ego boost. And that's fine. But it's also a warning bell.

Tldr; no you don't have to feel guilty about it but you do have to recognise it for what it is and grow up.


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MatchboxVagabond
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22 Dec 2024, 5:14 pm

I'm with the majority here, it's not particularly wrong to be attracted to women of that age. However, there are a lot of practical issues in doing so, especially if you haven't got the money to support a trophy wife. Some women, are going to be more open to it than others are, and it definitely can work, but it's not without it's set of issues.

Personally, I've found that as I've grown older, that the age of women that I'm attracted to has risen. If I weren't married I wouldn't automatically say no to a woman in her early 20s, but, I'm old enough to have children that age, and it means that the women that would even work for me at that age are much more conservative and more looking at having a family than what many people that age are interested in.

As with everything, as long as it's consenting adults, a lot of it just comes down to the degree to which two people are on the same wavelength in terms of what they're doing.



Carbonhalo
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22 Dec 2024, 5:44 pm

I am relieved and almost proud that I managed to avoid hitting on any of my nurses during my recent sojourn in hospital, despite the fact that I found the most effective pain relief for me wasn't chemical, but putting a smile on a nurses face.
The more I can light them up, the more it lights me up.
What made it easier is that they all (doctors, nurses, porters and cleaners) now appear to be teenagers to me.
Attracted to them? Yes ALL of them.
I would surrender body parts to see them naked.
The idea of a relationship with them?...none, apart from getting them to grin, which I am chuffed to say I can not only do, but do easily. Without delving into a fraction of my stories I can come across as the most interesting guy they're ever likely to meet.
What's bugging me now is... considering my ulterior pain relief motive, is my attempting to get them smiling overly manipulative?
Do I feel bad for being attracted to women younger than me? Hell no...I feel bad because I'm a broken old perve. :D



chris1989
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05 Mar 2025, 3:35 pm

I remember watching a video about age gap relationships and saying that the larger the age gap is the more likely they might split up due to various factors like life experiences, health, finances and so on. It said that a two to three year age gap is ideal but four to ten years or more the risk of a break up or divorce is likely to happen.

As a man into his 30s, I seem to feel as though I'm ''obligated'' to only date people of my own age or two or three years younger but on my dating profile on Bumble I've put down looking for someone over 25 and not younger than 25 despite still having some attraction to women under 25. I feel upset because its as though an inner voice is dictating me to ''not to date anyone younger'' because of the awareness of my age.

Not long ago I was sitting on a bus going somewhere and a woman who was possibly in her late teens or early 20s starting talking to me. She said she was at college and I explained that I've long since left college and just working in a shop. She explained she was autistic like me and apologised for the awkward silences and I said not to worry I'm the same sometimes and then went our separate ways but I ended up internally berating myself for talking to her because she was at college and I'm fully grown man with a job. I didn't tell her how old I was and nor did she say how old she was. She was a very nice person but a part of me is saying ''Don't date anyone who is at college.'' and its upsetting me because I feel have to date only people at the same stage of life as I am rather than expanding the horizons. I personally would not date someone who was in their late teens.



Last edited by chris1989 on 05 Mar 2025, 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BTDT
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05 Mar 2025, 3:43 pm

I think it helps think of marriage as a team working together.

It helps if someone is good with money. Even better if someone has experience investing in up and down markets as newbies tend to panic and make bad decisions. I know some guys just give it all to their wife and get an allowance to spend as they please. Their wife makes the hard decisions and does the hard work of keeping track of where the money goes so they can pay their bills.



babybird
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05 Mar 2025, 3:43 pm

I wouldn't worry too much about a conversation you've had with someone on a bus


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Carbonhalo
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05 Mar 2025, 3:57 pm

BTDT wrote:
I know some guys just give it all to their wife and get an allowance to spend as they please.


Allowance?
You can get some back?



BTDT
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05 Mar 2025, 4:13 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:
BTDT wrote:
I know some guys just give it all to their wife and get an allowance to spend as they please.


Allowance?
You can get some back?


They have good white collar jobs.



Mikurotoro92
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05 Mar 2025, 7:02 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I remember watching a video about age gap relationships and saying that the larger the age gap is the more likely they might split up due to various factors like life experiences, health, finances and so on. It said that a two to three year age gap is ideal but four to ten years or more the risk of a break up or divorce is likely to happen.

As a man into his 30s, I seem to feel as though I'm ''obligated'' to only date people of my own age or two or three years younger but on my dating profile on Bumble I've put down looking for someone over 25 and not younger than 25 despite still having some attraction to women under 25. I feel upset because its as though an inner voice is dictating me to ''not to date anyone younger'' because of the awareness of my age.

Not long ago I was sitting on a bus going somewhere and a woman who was possibly in her late teens or early 20s starting talking to me. She said she was at college and I explained that I've long since left college and just working in a shop. She explained she was autistic like me and apologised for the awkward silences and I said not to worry I'm the same sometimes and then went our separate ways but I ended up internally berating myself for talking to her because she was at college and I'm fully grown man with a job. I didn't tell her how old I was and nor did she say how old she was. She was a very nice person but a part of me is saying ''Don't date anyone who is at college.'' and its upsetting me because I feel have to date only people at the same stage of life as I am rather than expanding the horizons. I personally would not date someone who was in their late teens.


If this is true...that does NOT bode well for me and David!! !! !!

We have a 10-year age-gap

Now I am panicing...



MaxE
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05 Mar 2025, 7:42 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
I remember watching a video about age gap relationships and saying that the larger the age gap is the more likely they might split up due to various factors like life experiences, health, finances and so on. It said that a two to three year age gap is ideal but four to ten years or more the risk of a break up or divorce is likely to happen.

As a man into his 30s, I seem to feel as though I'm ''obligated'' to only date people of my own age or two or three years younger but on my dating profile on Bumble I've put down looking for someone over 25 and not younger than 25 despite still having some attraction to women under 25. I feel upset because its as though an inner voice is dictating me to ''not to date anyone younger'' because of the awareness of my age.

Not long ago I was sitting on a bus going somewhere and a woman who was possibly in her late teens or early 20s starting talking to me. She said she was at college and I explained that I've long since left college and just working in a shop. She explained she was autistic like me and apologised for the awkward silences and I said not to worry I'm the same sometimes and then went our separate ways but I ended up internally berating myself for talking to her because she was at college and I'm fully grown man with a job. I didn't tell her how old I was and nor did she say how old she was. She was a very nice person but a part of me is saying ''Don't date anyone who is at college.'' and its upsetting me because I feel have to date only people at the same stage of life as I am rather than expanding the horizons. I personally would not date someone who was in their late teens.


If this is true...that does NOT bode well for me and David!! ! ! ! !

We have a 10-year age-gap

Now I am panicing...

At your age, it's way less of a problem. Chill.


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nick007
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05 Mar 2025, 7:54 pm

My grandpa on my mom's side was 9 years older than my grandma & my grandpa on my dad's side was about 12 years older than my grandma. My grandparents stayed married till my grandpas died.
My second girlfriend was 9 years younger than me. I was 28 & she was 19 & in college. A major reason we broke up is because she was more of an adult than me despite me being so much older than her.


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