Fear of Rejection

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I think abandonment always carries with it a sense of rejection, so it's inevitable abandonment can impact a person similar to other forms of rejection.

I was always scared of telling the girls and women I fancied how I felt about them. I think a lot of it was that I was too scared of rejection. Back in the day it was expected that the boy did all the running, so it's amazing I ended up with any partners at all. Some made it easier than others for me.

I always felt it was a bit much to expect me to stick my neck out, but eventually I got the idea that it might be an evolutionary thing and that women prefer men to prove that they're confident so the woman knows the man can protect her. Well I thought it was a bit outmoded and stupid, but eventually I realised it wasn't really that risky, and probably better than keeping quiet about it. I mean once you're spending a lot of time together and you've discovered you're really compatible and you trust each other, she's not likely to rub your face in it if you just say how you feel. If you've picked up that she's a cruel bastard then you're not going to want her as a partner in the first place, are you? And if the answer is no then it stings but it's not the end of the world.

I was also picking up on signals and that helped me to figure out which ones were interested enough in me. As long as I had enough evidence coming in that I was special to her, that helped my confidence a lot, though the evidence always had to be pretty damn good and I often assumed I wasn't wanted when I quite likely was. But looking back, the ones I chased the most turned out to be the worst of the lot when I finally won them. So the answer was probably that I shouldn't have tried to change my methods too much in the first place. Though it's hard to say because I haven't had that many partners - about twelve I think - so small numbers of observations aren't that reliable.

Anyway it's probably a bit different these days with all this feminism and the modern liking for strong women and for men who admit they're not made of iron. I'm happier with that really, because I'm not made of iron myself and I like women who have a bit of oomph instead of being all frilly and weak and think it's just a matter of looking sexy. Mind you, in Yorkshire where I come from the women weren't usually that dainty.

I suppose for me:
Rejection is when you get pushed away, and
Abandonment is when somebody runs away from you.

There's a lot of overlap.