What to do when...

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No. Don't do ANYTHING so quickly,
in this kind of setting.

But, if you see her in a cafeteria or
such, 'twould be seen as only polite
to approach. And, of course, one wouldn't
even speak of math in such a circumstance.

Bingo. Classic Aspie right there.

You're not noticing nothing...

Ah, I don't have enough fingers and toes on which to count the number of times I've wanted to be friends with a guy, but couldn't, because he ended up reading waaay too much into it.

Sad, really.

And I can't count the number of
times that 'tis been revealed that
there could have been more, had
I been more willing to presume.

A sticky situation.

You're reading too much into this.

I don't see that. There's a basic problem,
in that we are essentially unable to process
the normal cues well. Being uncertain, we
tend to hold back from doing anything, and
then, all too often, do something completely
ridiculous, from lingering too long on thoughts.

Most males seem to pretty much presume that
if a women is interested, in any way, that they
are a romantic possibility. The real problem is,
quite a few don't see much else of worth. So,
they're a hell of a lot more willing to press
for what they want to know.

You don't understand the exact atmosphere in the tutoring center, or the extent of what I do.

People just walk in and get help on their homework. If no one is there I just hang out with people. I don't get paid directly by them. I'm not tutoring kids that are 10 years younger than me. Outside of this, I would barely have any female interaction at all.

Sometimes conversations while tutoring move towards different stuff. It happens, it's not bad...

It's not a career... it's just a job I have on campus.

If you had a job at a library, someone comes in that you like and asks for help finding books. You start talking about books... she seems to express interest in you... you would not at least try to express interest in her somehow? Just because it's a job doesn't mean you have to be dead.

I don't see the big deal...

I honestly think that you shouldn't read much into the signs you've described. Just be yourself. If any particular girl takes a fancy to you, she'll be back.

(I'd been composing a much longer reply in my brain earlier while I wasn't able to sit and write it down... seems that 90% of it flew away in the meanwhile.)

If a guy is single, and you start talking with him, and he likes you as a person and you like him, it's pretty reasonable to assume he's interested in you.

The contrary does exist, and often guys never act on their desires.

I don't even think the equivalent exists in guys, there is no I like you as friend... not like you as a potential partner. I'd love to be with a woman who was my best friend, there isn't even anything sexual about it.

Perhaps I'm just speaking for myself, but I have absolutely no idea what it means to like someone but not in that way. Like and desire to be with come from exactly the same place. The sexual attraction is just a bonus at the end.

It happens. I think. Or I've been lied to in semi-recent history. Or both.

That's just the thing, usually when I get more positive responses they do come back.

Likely they just want my skills as a tutor, and It's foolish to consider something else.

But if it's not... what do I do? Bah, it's so complicated.

Not sure, desire can decrease with potential availability.

I wouldn't be quick to believe guys on this, honestly. But what harm is there if what I say is true?

Try moving slightly closer to her when she does this, and see what happens.

Ugh... Is it wrong of me to read this thread and then wish I was single, and working as a math tutor?

Last time the wife and I were separated (about a year ago) and I was thinking it was pretty final that time, I was honestly planning on heading back to the university here and working as a TA/Lab teacher/tutor, while pursuing another degree. I'm actually an excellent tutor, provided the subject is math, science, or computers, and I would have worked my best to help teach anyone who sought my services (that is, I would have taken the job very seriously)... But my ulterior motive was to have lots of exposure to college girls; not looking for any quantity of relationships, but just one quality girl who I could fall in love with, and who might fall in love with me (I'm very selective, and charismatic ). Would that have been wrong of me? After high school and college, how does one meet girls these days? It is rather problematic. Bars or dance clubs? Not my style. Work? Fraught with sexual harassment mumbo jumbo. Dating services? I dunno; might be a good choice, but seems a bit desperate and unnatural. Online (e.g. MySpace)? It works for some, but once again, not my style... How does one find a mate these days?

Pugly, perhaps I'm being asinine or simple, and there are certainly those who might raise objections to the notion... But you seem to be in the perfect position to find the girl of your dreams.

Good fortune,

- Icarus wishes things were simpler...

That's just about all the encouragement I need Icarus.

This is actually a concern of mine right now. I have about a year left of school. And unless I go to graduate school... which I may do(or be lame and pick up another undergrad degree)... I'll be out of any reasonable way to find someone.

Time pressure is on, my social confidence is increasing, time to do this thing.

Oh, it certainly does. But where there is
insufficient attraction. And even a little seems
to spark some curious thoughts along such lines.

Then again, I've had such curious thoughts about
male friends too. I suppose just the fertile mind
at play?

This may be an unknowable question, but what amount of guys actually do feel that way about a woman?

I'd consider it to be pretty small, or at least the guy had romantic feelings at one point.

But as I said, my like of women as a girlfriend, and my like of my general friends comes from the same place. It just happens that included with my desire to be with a woman as a friend includes the physical attraction as well. And the desire to build the friendship into a romantic relationship.