First date tips for this Aspie (this Fri.)

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lola1
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Jun 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 125
Location: Kent, England

11 Oct 2007, 11:30 am

ok I'm going to play the evil NT cynic here. Are you sure this girl is telling you the whole truth? It seems a bit extreme to tell you to find someone who isn't dying when she has a low white cell count - how does she know she's dying? (BTW I thought you had raised white cell counts with leukaemia/cancer). She could have one of a thousand deficiencies - most of them non-life threatening.

It just seems to me that there may be something else going on here, it seems a bit convenient that your phone was 'dead' last night - were you aware of a problem with your phone?

Please forgive me if I'm wrong but I've got a feeling this girl might have been playing you. I truly hope I'm just being over cynical because you sound like such a nice man. I just can't help but have a negative feeling about all this.

I'd love to be proved wrong on this one. Good luck

CentralFLM
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Sep 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 302

11 Oct 2007, 12:50 pm

I agree lola, but you couldn't make some of this stuff up. She'll get the results today. I've already spoken with her on the phone a few times so I know there is someone real there that is female. The things that she has told me, a lot of them are negative, so if you were trying to sell something or screw around with someone you wouldn't tell them things like you have 2 kids, mother attempted suicide twice growing up, etc. There is baggage there. If this were a hoax, she would say that she was a model, millionaire, etc. etc.
I just think she may be a little insecure. Her father is an engineer and she said he was absent a lot while she was growing up. So the idea that she may be looking for a father figure is possible. I could be naive. But she seems to be accepting of me and all my flaws. I am divorced, have Aspergers, short, bald, dry personality, etc.

Goche21
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 466

11 Oct 2007, 12:59 pm

lola1 wrote:

Please, just dont. First of all, lueikemia does lower the white blood cell count. When it drops low enough doctors are called in and-they-don't-leave. Lowered counts of white blood cells can be deadly, leaving the body open to infection, and there aren't a whole lot of things that cause that and fainting. Why not research the facts before trying to hurt a poor mans feelings?

to central - this is the hardest part of being/dating a doctor, they're always on call. The fact is this wont be the first date that she'll have to cancel to save a life, it's hard on her, too, so be supportive, alright? Maybe you shouldn't visit her, but why not send a small gift to her ward wishing her luck in the case, to show you care? Chocolates would work well for this.

CentralFLM
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Sep 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 302

11 Oct 2007, 1:16 pm

Thank you Goche, but SHE is the one who has fainted and has low count of white blood cells. She is premed and will become a doctor. She has classes scheduled at Duke next year.

Goche21
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 466

11 Oct 2007, 1:21 pm

CentralFLM wrote:

Thank you Goche, but SHE is the one who has fainted and has low count of white blood cells.

She is premed and will become a doctor. She has classes scheduled at Duke next year.

I see, I'd visit her in that case. Bring chocolates, and be supportive and comforting.

Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,520
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library

11 Oct 2007, 1:25 pm

Mumble a lot ... don't make eye contact....make obscure jokes that she couldn't possibly get ...talk about weird stuff like string theory...don't comb yer hair ....scratch a lot ....glance aroung like yer a caged animal...

_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke

CentralFLM
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Sep 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 302

11 Oct 2007, 1:48 pm

ArghhhhhHH! Now you are making me nervous Prof Pret, because it's possible I would do this.

Goche21
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 466

11 Oct 2007, 1:53 pm

CentralFLM wrote:

ArghhhhhHH! Now you are making me nervous Prof Pret, because it's possible I would do this.

Relax, take a shower and brush your hair before you go, put on clean, fresh clothes (casual, but nice looking, black is always good, unless it's goth) and a little- very little- cologn. Looking and smelling nice means one less thing to worry about. After that it's only a matter of being yourself, tell a few jokes. Does she like comedians? Jeff Dunham is a good act if she does, bring a laptop if you have one and let her watch him perform, laughing is always a good way to make a first impression. Once you feel relaxed, you wont mumble, and looking her in the eye will be easier.

Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
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Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 67
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11 Oct 2007, 2:22 pm

Oh no, no cologne ! !! Eeeewwwww!! !

She might be chemically sensitive, and all that...

_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke

Goche21
Velociraptor

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 466

11 Oct 2007, 2:29 pm

Prof_Pretorius wrote:

Oh no, no cologne ! !! Eeeewwwww!! !

She might be chemically sensitive, and all that...

Not a strong smelling one. A mild smelling after-shave type thing to give a pleasant sub scent is fine.

CentralFLM
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Sep 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 302

11 Oct 2007, 9:55 pm

Well it turns out this girl has a blood marrow "problem" in her left arm. She is going to see if her parents are going to be possible donors. I feel sorry for her, but it could have been worse I guess. She said there is noway she could travel to NC to go to Duke next year.

lola1
Snowy Owl

Joined: 1 Jun 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 125
Location: Kent, England

12 Oct 2007, 1:56 am

Ok well it seems I'm wrong (and of that I'm glad). I wish you lots of luck in this relationship.

Apologies for being so suspicious :wink:

alliegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

12 Oct 2007, 9:11 am

Just ask her about herself and her kids. Thats really what people like to talk about, then she will ask you questions about you. This was my mom's advice, and it usually worked. Ask about hobbies, work, school, kids, pets, favorite movies etc..... Also, be careful since you have never met her and know nothing about her, but have fun!! !! And yes, bring flowers!! ! What a great idea.

the_incident
Raven
Raven

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 110
Location: United States of America

12 Oct 2007, 10:52 am

Well you're clearly not having the date now, but for future reference I would strongly recommend against bringing a laptop on a date (first or otherwise). Dates are all about making the lady feel special.

Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 67
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Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library

12 Oct 2007, 11:06 am

alliegirl wrote:

But NOT stinky smelly flowers!! ! Eeeeeewwww!! !

Chatting about her, and her kids, and her hobbies is good. Most people LOVE to talk about themselves. Her disease sounds like bone cancer(?)

_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke

pandabear
Veteran
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Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,402

12 Oct 2007, 12:22 pm

AnnabelLee wrote:

Okay, another female point of view:

First, I would not send the flowers. I love that feeling of a guy ringing the bell and handing them to me. It gives me chills and makes me giggle, which is hard to do.
Second, a good way to "take notes" is this. Make a mental note of things she says about favorites...fav. movie, fav. flower, fav. food, etc. If she mentions it, make a mental note. If you feel yourself forgetting things, excuse yourself and go to the restroom and write it down on a paper in your pocket. If you sit and take notes during the date, she may feel she's being interviewed.
Third, I agree with the comments about paying. She will offer to be polite, but would probably feel odd if you accept it.
Fourth, be a gentleman!! ! Hold the door open (car door even if she'll let you), pull out her chair, etc.
Also, going out after the game is an awesome idea...why not both? Go for a full meal before, then for drinks and desserts after.
Finally, you may want help from someone to make a "reminder" list of what is appropriate and not. You may not have an issue here, but I had such a list while dating. (Married now so list is no longer necessary). It had things like appropriate topics of conversation, how to read most signs from the opposite sex, etc. You want to be completely upfront and let her know to be as open and honest as possible because you have a hard time reading emotions and social cues. This will help a lot. If she is uncomfortable, happy, whatever, if she tells you, it really alleviates any misunderstandings.

This sounds like Hyacinth and Richard on "Keeping Up Appearances." Especially the part about opening the doors for her.

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