I want an aspie girl like the one in Americas NTM to find me

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Uh, no, not really. I'm just attracted to any guy I can have a decent conversation with occasionally... and who won't get all insulted when I'm not feeling very social. I've only met a handful of guys who fit the description, NT or otherwise, and none of them want to date me. So I wouldn't exactly consider myself snapped up...

I did not request your feedback. You said it made me look ugly. If you were making a general comment about nose rings, you could have said "personally, I dont like body peircing." or whatever and I wouldnt give a damn. Um, i'm offended because its my choice to wear it, and I like it, and don't appreciate being called ugly because of it. You would be grateful for someone telling you what parts of your face are wrong? You obviously have low self esteem. Magazines and "Americas Next Top Model" do not define beauty for everyone. I would never take out my piercings or get plastic surgery to look better for someone else, because I like how I look and thats what is important. It still sucks though, having someone mention you're ugly and telling you to get rid of a piercing you like.

You didn't request anyone's feedback, but you gratuitously posted a link to your portfolio which gave the impression that you wanted people to look at it and make comments. And I didn't say you were ugly; I said your nose ring (or whatever those earrings are called) didn't make you look good.

What would you do if a smart, heavy aspie girl fell for you? Would you run to the toilet and puke?

Sid

Boy, no wonder aspies never date.

I'm not sure what you mean by "heavy aspie." Do you mean physically heavy? It mainly depends on what you consider "heavy." Do you mean slightly overweight, oveweight, fat, obese or morbidly obese? If you mean overweight or slightly overweight, I'd say it depends on her height and amount of muscle.

Now, if you mean "heavy aspie," as in an aspie who has a serious case of Asperger's Syndrome, hand-flapping and stuff, then I might have second thoughts about dating her. I don't have a problem with a person who is asocial, quiet, and has obsessive interests.

Last edited by Mw99 on 04 Nov 2007, 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A 240 lb aspie, full of Cockney spirit.

I guess it depends on how desperate I am. Right now I don't feel overly desperate, so I'd rather wait for a woman that's pleasing to my eye. She doesn't have to be a model; average looks suffice. And I don't care if not settling for a fat chick means I am "shallow." I am not going to force myself to pretend that I like something that I don't like for the sake of being considered "open-minded." That would be stupid.

And to all the hypocrites reading this who are eager to tell me how "shallow" I am (even though I stated above that a woman of average looks is good enough for me), I invite you to set the example and start by dating and possibly even marrying the ugliest woman you can find.

Last edited by Mw99 on 04 Nov 2007, 8:51 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Well you can be shallow, but I'd change your attitude that you'd consider women only after you get desperate enough. Instantly a question comes to mind, desperate for what?

No woman should be made to feel that someone is "lowering" standards to be with them. Like them for them, not because something better hasn't come along.

I'd work on getting to know women as people first, not a string of qualities that you like and need in a relationship.

I stated that a woman's personality type and way of thinking is important in a relationship. I was also true to my instincts and stated that she must be pleasing to my eye. You didn't pick on the first two qualities I mentioned, and proceeded to lecture me on how I first need to get to know women as people, as if implying that I am the type of immature jerk who equates a person's worth with their physical appearance. Last time I checked, desirable personality type, way of thinking and physical appearance were not mutually exclusive qualities. (It doesn't have to be either one or the other.)

There are fat, ugly women who are beautiful in the inside, but if their physical appearance is such that I won't feel comfortable standing around them, I think they deserve another person in her lives. I won't force myself to date a person who is physically repulsive and unattractive, just for the sake of being considered "open minded." I settle for average looks, and like I said above, those who disagree with me should set the example and start dating the ugliest woman they can possibly find.

Nah, I'll say them whether you think they are intelligent or not.

The mindset of lowering standards when you get desperate implies to me that you want to use women somehow. That you are on a perpetual quest for something better... Even when who you are with is worth your whole consideration... regardless of what else is out there.

Even the question posed is sort of treating women like a used car. You just see these qualities and think your relationship with Heather would be great, like a list of features is what you need out of a woman.

And if you can't find the perfect one you want, well then it's time to lower your standards.

I'm saying that relationships work a bit differently.

Everyone has a mental idea of what their ideal partner should be like, and I am no exception. Will I ever find that ideal woman? Probably not. It doesn't really matter if I ever find such an ideal woman, as finding her is no guarantee that she'll like me. I'm not craving sex and I do well being alone, so if I ever feel desperate to fulfill my needs, be it sexual or just a desire for love and companionship, I can always make an effort to find some random woman who will sort of fill that void in my life. Obviously, I'd also be required to give something in return and try to fill whatever void happens to be in her life.

You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself, and it's like you think you are some type of selfless being. In case you didn't know, people marry, have kids, etc out of interest. Maybe they think their marrying and having kids is a selfless act of love but the reality is that no matter how selfess and loving they think they are, there is always an interest. That interest could even be an instinctual desire to survive and preserve the species they are not aware of. Nothing is done for the heck of it; there is always an interest.

Ah, these mental "ideals" are kind of dangerous. I kind of had the same mindset before actually... it's easy to think up ideals of what a great relationship would be, with a list of qualities, But as you said there is no guarantee that this ideal girl would be with you. In fact what I am finding is that if you view women like this, your chances of attracting and being with her are greatly reduced. Because you are trying to be with her, not because you like to have fun and be with her... but because she has an "ideal" feature set.

I'm no expert by any means, but what I am seeing as a better approach is to enjoy and have a good time with women on a friendship level first... regardless of all the details about her. This changes the focus from an ideal, to the the actual women who are around you.

After having fun and just being around these women, you start a relationship if you find someone you communicate and connect with better than anyone else. And this quality, the connection... is much too complicated to come down to a list of qualities.



I don't think of myself very highly... well to an extent... I'm not overly confident or what have you. I do have what I want out of a relationship which is different from others I think. I have an interest as you say, but it's in being there for someone. Sharing thoughts, feelings and my life on a level that is incomparable with anyone else. In a strange twist to be attracted to the qualities I don't like in someone... if that makes any sense.

I have an interest in loving someone... strange as that is. I know others get involved in relationships for other reasons, and that's fine if it works out. But I was making comments mostly because your mindset can end up hurting women... I think. Especially the lowering standards part... sure you satisfy your need... but there is another person involved.... and if she is committed to you... and you drop her for something better... quite the pain and bitterness can result.

So keep your high standards, if you want them... but don't lower them to satisfy a need... it's cruel.

In case you hadnt noticed mysticaria, I said that you look good anyway and that a nosering doesnt detract from that! Does a second opinion mean Nothing to you?? I hope you dont have a crush on Mw99.......

This is true. But I've found it's hard for me to not have these kind of ideals considering I'm not very social. I don't actually go out and meet people so I just imagine the qualities I would like in a guy. Kind of pathetic actually.

Yeah, it's a real easy trap to get into. I was so focused internally and imaginative, I would like a girl from afar... and develop this whole ideal about how a relationship would be great. We could be there for each other and what have you. How I'm perfect for her, she's perfect for me...

Of course in the real world, I would barely even be able to talk to her.

Communication has to happen sometime though, no matter how um... unsocial you are. A loving relationship is a social thing, and a list of qualities does not indicate how you'll communicate.

Of course I talk of this stuff, like I actually am in a relationship and know it all...