guys: do people look down on you for not having lots of sex?

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Absolutely. Feeling like it is something you need, either because others have it and you don't, be it greed, or envy, or even the belief that they are living in the "right" way whereas you are not, that can cause a lot of frustration, and a lot of problems.

Even if it is treated as something that is "just for fun," if both parties involved (or more? ) view it in the same light, then that's a good thing. Once they aren't on the same page, that can go bad real quick... Someone is going to get hurt.

someone always gets hurt. People just don't want to admit it, because then they feel weak(or they are just deluding themselves about what they do).

It's the old "I've got this and you don't" song from the playground. Some a**holes never grow out of it. And since water seeks its own level, they find other a**holes to form assclusters that make fun of random victims. Since it's so common, hollywood shows this in movies to show someone is mean and madison avenue uses it to pressure us to buy something. After we don't want to be different, do we? Oh, wait. I already am and there's nothing I can do or buy to change that. I think I'll do what society fears most: ignore the crap and be myself.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

That is what society fears most.

I think that's a lot of it. The standard "Everyone else is doing it!" argument that really holds no water. But, as you mentioned, it is made "clear" to us that it is the "normal" thing to do, thanks to the media, and anyone around us that buys into it.

Sex sells, and we've been taught that we supposedly want sex. So we were sold on the idea that we want something, mainly so that we could be sold something else.

Do you really think that?

Only that it is best for both parties to view it in the same way.

I certainly don't view it as, like I gave as an example earlier, no different than just riding a bike, but if both people involved do, that will be far better (safer? healthier?) than if one of them doesn't while the other one does, iin that the chance that someone will be hurt by it should (ideally, theoretically, etc) be less than if one person views it as more or different than the other.

Thanks, that helps.

I still don't think I could qualify that sort of situation as being "good". Maybe one step up from completely awful. But I think Space is right about someone always getting hurt, even when everybody involved says it's all cool.

Probably... do I care... not one bit.

It's really a matter of my moral beliefs though, which I maintain with confidence. It's not something I'm ashamed of... and I am willing to defend my personal position to anyone that wants to ridicule it.

The only problem I have, is um informing women that I am interested in them in that way. Even though I don't plan on doing anything until I'm married... I don't want to be absolutely direct about it.

Heck perhaps I'll just tell a lady (jokingly mind you) that I'll marry her to be intimate with her. It's direct to my morals, and what I'd really like to do.

Actually I'd like this topic to come up around ladies, it's something that can really set my apart from the average guy. I can talk confident about it, it's fairly unique mindset to have... and it's a view that'll be appealing to the kind of woman I want to attract anyways.

I think its both at the same time - I have had a friend or two in the past who were ex-military, so jacked up on testosterone that they stuttered, picked up women like nothing, got in fights or caused drama half the time when they were drunk. Guys responses, well, at least the other guys like them give them mad props, women - half in half, some liked em, others thought they were such complete skanks that they couldn't even look at em. Of course the friends I had like this were friends for other reasons, mainly because I knew them from back in my raver days, we had a lot in common as far as music and stuff so we still kinda stuck together.

At least one of these guys I can think of though, if any one of my friends saw him today they'd beat his ass - mostly just because he was a beligerant a**hole, caused a lot of drama, and being I haven't heard from him in a long time it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he wasn't back in jail right now (though its true, after my friends all had him over to drink his beer and give him a fade his girlfriend caught on, got him out of there, and between that and my not returning any of his calls I think he gets the idea that I don't want much to do with him).

I have been looked down for having no sex at all.

I'm not sure. . .
Some people I know probably think I'm a virgin 'cause I act very shy but I'm not sure if they do look down on me for that or whatever.

It has, however, been used against me by people on mobbing trips as a part of a series of actions including slander, relentless thrash talking, etc

At my first workplace there was this extremely extroverted guy who had been downgraded from the post I took shortly after starting. He was almost a decade older than I, no college/uni degree, no second languages, no cultural interests, no manners, looked gritty, looked unhealthy and the owner of the company described him as having the mental age of a 15 year old. This guy would work part time printing bills and was most of the time idle so there was one thing he would do a lot: talking thrash and boasting in a loud voice so that I could hear him from my office. Well this guy went on a childish and just psychotic bullying trip with me as the target and things got pretty ugly and shameful for everyone.

There was a guy very similar in my second job - just older, grittier and dumb to the point of asking yourself "why is this guy in his forties talking like some aggressive 12 year old?". He bragged about the same Alpha male kind of stuff. He used his dad's funeral to garner attention like it was common in that company; when the little group that had formed around him got back from the funeral he was yelling "did everyone see my wife? she's got good tits doesn't she? huh?". He kept talking thrash and harassing me (this included cyberstalking me into forums where I expounded on personal problems) until I quit the goddam place but later i learned his wife had ditched him a few months later. So now the guy probably can't get laid with anyone other than the prostitutes he brags about and still doesn't have any of the things that caused him so much envy and hatred. Anyway. . .

There was a guy like that at my uni; another dork with no redeeming qualities whatsoever - he was an awful teammate even to his supposed friends. He had crappy grades so he said grades were not important and that, instead, socializing (and scoring) was - yet, I don't know how he went about it by telling the professors to change exam dates to those no one wanted "'cause he wasn't getting any holidays anyway".

This I said is not pointless or unrelated. I have a theory bringing all this together.
Some post in this thread kinda points in this direction already.

The truth is. . . that, to "score", you just need to be more or less an average person. Handsome people have sex, older people with unfit bodies have sex, people in shanty towns have sex, ill-tempered obese people have sex. . . If sex were really a matter of winners - of being "cool" and "smart" - human population would be drastically reduced. This is especially obvious for me because I live in a third world country where being somewhat successful is hard even if you are relatively wealthy, smart and educated - most people barely make ends meet and even have trouble leaving the country because the exchange rate and relative prices are distorted. Goverments aggressively tax people in anti-constitutional ways and give nothing in return; politicians takes as much as they can as we go from a crisis to the next. Chances are that, if you still thrive in some way, the goverment (or rampant crime) can still take everything away from you from a day to the next.

. . . so there are a few ways for the most mediocre, average - and in this case "downtrodden" - person to think itself a "winner". One of them is popular sports. Many people are busy getting into street fights and murdering each other (or just getting very worked up) whenever there's a big match and their fav team loses.
The other thing is sex. . . going out to a club and getting drunk. . . If you don't do that every weekend you are not considered normal. What's a novelty for early teenagers seems still to be a big deal for people decades older. Clubs are large and numerous though they all play the same music; few dare to offer something different. . . .and whenever there's an actual goth or alternative scene kind of place the 5 or 10 skinheads in the entire country go there to wait for people with broken bottles.

. . . but why is sex glorified and not "having lunch"?. One thing is that many people never seem to make progress beyond the point where sex is a novelty.

I see another reason: Sex has become a token of success. Success available to the masses. . . easier than being succesful in any other way like being fit or smart or rich. It has become a token of success because - either at some hypothetical initial point or in holywood-fed collective fancy - sex actually had to do with being good looking, smart, rich. . . But if it were so, even women, as cherished as they are, would suffer - women eventually want to get laid too. All those aristocratic requierements have been replaced by a code where the girl plays a hypocritical role of passivity and rude disdain for any approaching men (by default) and the guy just insists a ridiculous number of times until he gets what he wants - and when he does so it becomes a "proof of success"; a proof that he, the shanty town dweller, the lamest suck up at some office, is beyond everyone. By picking up a girl he's somehow stating that he too has some of that which is desired by all and attained by very few. In this system women are nothing but a means to an end; trophies men use to relate to each other in a competitive way - so sexist it's almost homosexual.
. . .so that's what I see in people making a fuss about being able to get laid.

As a side note. . . derogatory language and derogatory terms are very commonly used in my country towards those that actually do show directly some reediming quality. Envy is a common element in the culture. True displays of actual wealth, beauty or brains cause a histerical shortcut in many and are received with hostility. Being blonde or having a nice birthday party have left two teenage girls in a coma and one sent to hospital with bite marks from her classmates who, as in the other cases - assaulted her many-to-one.

One thing to keep in mind is there's a difference between having had lots of sex and having had lots of sex partners. I know a guy who's had the same number of sex partners as I have, but that was only in the last six months. Mine were spread across the last four years, and I've had far more sex than him, not that it matters.

Honestly, I just play it up to the guys who think it's cool so I can get them off my back, and to the people that it matters I talk about it properly.

The fact is, sex is a beautiful thing. It's the closest you can be with someone for one, amazing moment (well, with any luck more than a moment, ha). And whilst I don't approve about bragging about conquests to all the guys at the office or whatever, telling my friends about how passionate I am about a girl I love is an entirely different animal and something I encourage.

Stupid NT's!

Seriously though, yes I'm mostly apathetic towards sex, and that does surprise people. Thing is though I'm mostly heterosocial (90+%) and my female friends respect the fact that I'm not constantly intriguing to get inside their knickers.

My pals at work look down on me for not having any sex...

Yeah, but 'average' does not include having nil social skills and almost no dating experience. If you're like me, it doesn't matter if you're 24, you're never going to get anywhere with women. You might meet girls that like you but purely as a friend, maybe girls that might even seem to flirt with you but, very tellingly, won't introduce you to her friends (I had this happen the other day). A sixty-year old has better chances of getting a girl in her 20s than I do (my uncle being an example of this).
Funny thing, that EVERY piece of advice I ever read on relationships is extremely discouraging - it's either something I'm incapable or unwilling to do, or it's something I already know (and hence useless), or it's not applicable to my situation, or it seems downright delusional.