Does this happen often to men?

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your former wife is insane!! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! Dump a man who takes care of your children, who agrees to be a stay-at-home dad? Does she know how difficult it is to find men like that? That's nuts! If I had a man like that I would hold on to him and never let him go.

My former wife is a doctor.
We met when I worked in a lab at the hospital she was doing her resindency at.
Because of her earning ability compared to mine, we decided I'd stay at home so our daughter would not have to spend her early years in full-time daycare.
After she gave birth to our daughter, I turned into a house-dad (or whatever you call it).
I still worked part-time when I could, but I stayed at home taking care of our daughter for her entire life.

When my former wife decided to divorce me 12 yrs later... she stated in court documents that I was.... and I quote...
"Unfit to be even a part time parent!".

There was never any abuse from me of any kind towards my wife or our daughter.

In the document, she stated the reason for her wanting full custody was due to my gender confusion and the harm it would cause our daughter.

That really shook me up. We went from her saying we were going to be best friends to me being unfit as a parent after being the primary child-rearing parent for our daughter's entire life!

Our daughter is very well adjusted, very intelligent and mature. Jeez! I feel so bad that I ruined her life!

The court and the mediator they assigned us, disregarded her statement luckily.
We were ordered to go to a counselor about the child-custody issue and my former wife admitted to the lady there that this whole "unfit to be even a part-time parent" was said because my former wife was mad at me.

Now, I know my former wife loves our daughter. Our girl wouldn't be the same person without both of us in her life.
But to take out her anger/bitterness/frustrations by trying to tear apart the relationship my daughter and I have is just too hard to comprehend.
I cannot imagine how terrible her frame-of-mind was at that time to attempt this sort of thing.

Divorces are hell... that's for sure... FOR EVERYONE!

I talk about my ex's and they are just about all negative stuff about them. Rarely good things about them. Does that mean I'm psycho.

Lonelylady,

Thank you for the sentiment.


I'm glad I came back here and read the responses following mine.
I think there have been some good comments made.

I agree that these situations can occur where either partner is capable of playing the victim role and painting the other person in a poor and possibly inaccurate light.

I described some of what I went through in my divorce. I hope it was clear that what I find disconcerting are her actions... not her as a person.

I feel obligated to allow her the same feelings of pain, loss, regret, etc. that I have felt over this divorce.
I feel obligated to try and understand where her motives for her actions might be coming from.

I could easily write her off as a vindictive, selfish, b***h... but I won't. It doesn't seem fair to me.
In fact, if I did act that way, it would show a shallowness of character that I do not wish to own or display.

Herein lies the reason, perhaps, for my naiveness when I believe that we could still somehow be friends of some degree.
I can put all the difficulties behind me and treat her with respect and be friendly... even caring... and I do wish she could do the same.
Perhaps someday it will happen. I am learning though that I cannot interfere with my personal growth by waiting for this to occur.

Once again.. the reason I choose not to use the term "ex" when talking about her, is that it seems to be used almost exclusively in a negative manner by most people.

The moral of the story: never marry and never have kids. All marriages end up unhappy and unloving even if the partners tolerate each other's existence.

I've been lied about to police by my ex. They threw me in jail twice, 8-10 hours each, just because she said I hit her. (Slightly absurd, since I find that women hitting me is much more pleasurable. )

I may be a bit perverted, but I'm a total teady bear whether in or out of love, and have been my whole life. I'd rather break down and cry about our not seeing eye-to-eye than physically fight with my woman.

I think it is very sad that some women would lie about things like abuse. No matter how difficult the divorce procedure is and how much bitterness there is on both sides, this is one of those things you shouldn't lie about. There are many women out there who are in abusive relationships and are afraid to run away because they think no one will believe them/help them. Women who lie about such things make them look less credible.