What would you do if I were your boyfrend and told you this?

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Immortal
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24 Dec 2007, 9:13 am

Dracula wrote:
SleepyDragon wrote:
If your hypothetical woman has any feelings for you at all, she will not dump you, but will try to find out what gives you pleasure, and why.


But this is reality we're talking about, not a Disney dream.

Women have sexual needs just as men do;
and if you continue to refuse her, and are never interested in sexual intercourse, rest assured she will dump your ass and move onto another guy quicker than a greased cheetah.


Not *all* women.


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24 Dec 2007, 9:56 am

Mw99 wrote:
This is a very hypothetical question as I think no woman on this planet in her right mind would want to have someone like me for her boyfriend, but suppose you had a lapse in judgement and decided to give me a chance. Then one day you ask me for sex and I flatly refuse. I tell you that you have a beautiful body and that I love you but that I don't see you that way. Would you dump me?


That entirely depends on why you're choosing not to have sex with this hypothetical woman. I think she would have the right to ask why, if you're attracted to her, you don't want to have sex with her. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, unless you are suffering from issues that have to do with you and not her. She should also probably ask if this was a temporary or permanent arrangement. Sometimes people don't feel very sexual, and that's perfectly fine.

However, if this were me, and a boyfriend said "No sex, ever again, I just don't see you that way", we would revert to being platonic best friends. Our friendship would not change, but I would be seeking a new boyfriend. No matter how much I cared about him. Sex is an extremely important part of a ROMANTIC relationship for both genders. To expect someone to stay with you romantically while not fulfilling their sexual needs is an unreasonable expectation. I would not expect a boyfriend to stay with me if I had no interest in him sexually. Sex is the main thing that separates friends from romantic partners. You can have just as much love and affection for a friend as you can for a lover, of course. But since the main reason someone would choose you as their boyfriend instead of their friend is because they love you and are sexually attracted to you.



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24 Dec 2007, 10:00 am

Immortal wrote:
Dracula wrote:
SleepyDragon wrote:
If your hypothetical woman has any feelings for you at all, she will not dump you, but will try to find out what gives you pleasure, and why.


But this is reality we're talking about, not a Disney dream.

Women have sexual needs just as men do;
and if you continue to refuse her, and are never interested in sexual intercourse, rest assured she will dump your ass and move onto another guy quicker than a greased cheetah.


Not *all* women.


Thank you for attempting to undo 50 years of progress women have made in showing society that women enjoy sex as much as men do, and that we have the right to fulfilling sex lives.



Dracula
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24 Dec 2007, 10:01 am

Immortal wrote:
Dracula wrote:
SleepyDragon wrote:
If your hypothetical woman has any feelings for you at all, she will not dump you, but will try to find out what gives you pleasure, and why.


But this is reality we're talking about, not a Disney dream.

Women have sexual needs just as men do;
and if you continue to refuse her, and are never interested in sexual intercourse, rest assured she will dump your ass and move onto another guy quicker than a greased cheetah.


Not *all* women.


Unless the woman is malfunctioned. I was talking about the mainstream.



gwenevyn
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24 Dec 2007, 3:55 pm

Immortal wrote:
No, I certainly wouldn't leave a boyfriend for that. Everyone has the right to refuse sex, and no girlfriend worth keeping would pressure you into having sex for the sake of having a relationship.

Boyfriend/girlfriend does not = free sex partner.


That wasn't the question though. In this hypothetical situation, the girl isn't pressuring for sex before the guy is ready, but rather the guy is saying he'll never be ready

Even for chaste partners who are waiting until a formal commitment before having sexual relations, the general idea is that someday they will be having sex. I know there are people who marry and never have sex... but that's not a general expectation. To me it seems beyond inconsiderate to enter into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with someone without first discussing one's complete lack of sexual desire, if applicable.


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Mw99
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24 Dec 2007, 4:21 pm

hadapurpura wrote:

b) If it's that you don't see "me" that way (meaning that you do like sex, you just don't like it with me, or that you wouldn't consider having sex with me eventually), what's the point in being my boyfriend? why don't you look for somebody you would like to have sex with?


Because I don't want to be the boyfriend of the type of woman I'd like to have sex with. For me love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.



gwenevyn
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24 Dec 2007, 4:35 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Because I don't want to be the boyfriend of the type of woman I'd like to have sex with. For me love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.


Can we explore that idea a little more, or are your reasons private?


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Mw99
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24 Dec 2007, 4:47 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
Because I don't want to be the boyfriend of the type of woman I'd like to have sex with. For me love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.


Can we explore that idea a little more, or are your reasons private?


We can explore them more. Feel free to ask me questions on the subject.



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24 Dec 2007, 4:59 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Feel free to ask me questions on the subject.

Okay... Are you trying to say that it simply isn't possible for a woman to be both the type you would want to be the boyfriend of, and the type you would want to have sex with? If so, why?



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24 Dec 2007, 5:06 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Because I don't want to be the boyfriend of the type of woman I'd like to have sex with. For me love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.

This gives an entirely different meaning to your original posting. If you were my BF, not having sex with me, and having it with someone else, then yes I would definitely have a big problem with that.
I have been in this situation more than once before I realized that, as I said before, in our society most people equate GF or BF with "sex partner."



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24 Dec 2007, 5:11 pm

shadexiii wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
Feel free to ask me questions on the subject.

Okay... Are you trying to say that it simply isn't possible for a woman to be both the type you would want to be the boyfriend of, and the type you would want to have sex with? If so, why?


Correct. I couldn't love a woman if I wanted to have sex with her. I could love having sex with her, but not her.



shadexiii
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24 Dec 2007, 5:30 pm

Mw99 wrote:
I couldn't love a woman if I wanted to have sex with her. I could love having sex with her, but not her.

Again... why?

You've stated that you can't see it as possible that one woman could be both the woman you love and the woman you lust after. What is the reasoning behind this?



Mw99
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24 Dec 2007, 5:47 pm

shadexiii wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
I couldn't love a woman if I wanted to have sex with her. I could love having sex with her, but not her.

Again... why?

You've stated that you can't see it as possible that one woman could be both the woman you love and the woman you lust after. What is the reasoning behind this?


Love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.

You wouldn't want to have sex with say, your mom, or would you?



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24 Dec 2007, 6:10 pm

Mw99 wrote:
shadexiii wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
I couldn't love a woman if I wanted to have sex with her. I could love having sex with her, but not her.

Again... why?

You've stated that you can't see it as possible that one woman could be both the woman you love and the woman you lust after. What is the reasoning behind this?


Love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.

You wouldn't want to have sex with say, your mom, or would you?


That's a different kind of love.

In that case, you should look for a female roommate and a sex partner separatedly.



Mw99
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24 Dec 2007, 6:15 pm

hadapurpura wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
shadexiii wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
I couldn't love a woman if I wanted to have sex with her. I could love having sex with her, but not her.

Again... why?

You've stated that you can't see it as possible that one woman could be both the woman you love and the woman you lust after. What is the reasoning behind this?


Love and lust are mutually exclusive categories.

You wouldn't want to have sex with say, your mom, or would you?


That's a different kind of love.

In that case, you should look for a female roommate and a sex partner separatedly.



Only if I am allowed to cuddle with my female roommate :)



merr
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24 Dec 2007, 6:47 pm

So basically you are saying you want to have sex with someone else?

I have a question, what if your girlfriend told you she loved you, but couldnt think of you sexually, and had sexual partners? Or thought about other men sexually? WOuld that feel right?

I find your question interesting, because sometimes I tihnk the same things. Many women find male celebrities attractive and want to have sex with them. But the ones that I admire I feel I could never do that with, because I feel like it defiles their work or their image in my eyes.

I think what you re describing is a FRIEND relationship with the girl, as turnign it sexual would change the dynamics,make it different, change her in your eyes.

Love and lust are not mutually exclusive. They may only be so if you have really raunchy fantasies and you cannot connect them to the image of someone you love and respect.

You respect them to too much to have sex.

Sometimes I feel this way.But really I can never have sex with someone I didnt love. It wouldnt feel as good and I jsut wouldnt be turned on. I'd feel like, "who is this dude?" I'm not a prude, but I just dont see the point. Might as well just do it yourself than with some aimless body. Then again, men and women are aroused by different things.

I really dont know if I would break up with my boyfriend if he said that. For one, we could focus on other things besides sex, but then knowing that if he's not doing it with me, he's doing it with someone else...that would make me lose repsect and trust for him.