Why so hard for aspie male?
The reason its so much harder for aspie men is the fact that for one women are a Lot pickier than men about who they decide to sleep with/hook up with. But its also the fact that most women are pretty much wired to judge men on their social skills and status. The former is exactly what aspies do Not Have. Aspie men either have to find women who can relate to them and have something in common or to find another way to aquire status.
Ok so we see the sterotype of "normal " women throwing a fit when thier husbands neglect them for a football game. Whats a woman like that going to think of us? Believe me women did not want to listen to me talk about my intrest in plastic development. Social comparissons between the great apes, or how to find great golden age science fiction.
Were just stuck at the "wanna go out "? Sometimes though I suspect that scared look they give us might not be fear of us it might be us misreading the expression of insecurity on thier part.
I dated far and beyond my fair share in my twenties. Now I'm very picky. How did all those relationships end? I ended them. I wanted out. Often when A woman was sick of listening to me talk she would just physically seduce me. I finally realized I was going to bed when I didnt want to and tryed to slow the dates down, BECAUSE i wanted to get to know them. Because my longest and most succesful relationship didnt start out with sex.
I find the new women I talk to now to be too busy to show a little mutual intrest. I don't want to be ignored in the middle of a date because you got a text message. I dont want to call and say hi while you're chatting on line. I am not a multitasker when it comes to paying attention to people.
The biggest reason I'm single right now though is because women say " I'm not into games." Then they go right ahead and play them anyway. Anybody else had that happen?
Ok so we see the sterotype of "normal " women throwing a fit when thier husbands neglect them for a football game. Whats a woman like that going to think of us? Believe me women did not want to listen to me talk about my intrest in plastic development. Social comparissons between the great apes, or how to find great golden age science fiction.
Were just stuck at the "wanna go out "? Sometimes though I suspect that scared look they give us might not be fear of us it might be us misreading the expression of insecurity on thier part.
I dated far and beyond my fair share in my twenties. Now I'm very picky. How did all those relationships end? I ended them. I wanted out. Often when A woman was sick of listening to me talk she would just physically seduce me. I finally realized I was going to bed when I didnt want to and tryed to slow the dates down, BECAUSE i wanted to get to know them. Because my longest and most succesful relationship didnt start out with sex.
I find the new women I talk to now to be too busy to show a little mutual intrest. I don't want to be ignored in the middle of a date because you got a text message. I dont want to call and say hi while you're chatting on line. I am not a multitasker when it comes to paying attention to people.
The biggest reason I'm single right now though is because women say " I'm not into games." Then they go right ahead and play them anyway. Anybody else had that happen?
It does make things very frustrating at times, I'll grant you that. Women seem to expect someone popular and normal, and are very picky. It makes things rather difficult at times. I just know that out of all those NT women, the ones that would be fine being with us are probably the only ones worth being with anyways.
I do know there are women out there that wouldn't mind being with Aspie guys, but they can be quite rare, so it definitely takes some effort to seek them out through social interaction, and various group organizations.
True, since we humans follow the natural selection then it's the female that who really 'selects' the male ...but in a subtle way.
And here come the mind games and signal games that are made by girls where the male aspies fail miserably, so again you prove that samtoo is 200% . It's definitely harder for aspie males ...there's no single doubt about that at all , it's not nagging nor complaining nor finding an excuse ...it's just a 'Vérité générale'.
Were just stuck at the "wanna go out "? Sometimes though I suspect that scared look they give us might not be fear of us it might be us misreading the expression of insecurity on thier part.
I dated far and beyond my fair share in my twenties. Now I'm very picky. How did all those relationships end? I ended them. I wanted out. Often when A woman was sick of listening to me talk she would just physically seduce me. I finally realized I was going to bed when I didnt want to and tryed to slow the dates down, BECAUSE i wanted to get to know them. Because my longest and most succesful relationship didnt start out with sex.
I find the new women I talk to now to be too busy to show a little mutual intrest. I don't want to be ignored in the middle of a date because you got a text message. I dont want to call and say hi while you're chatting on line. I am not a multitasker when it comes to paying attention to people.
The biggest reason I'm single right now though is because women say " I'm not into games." Then they go right ahead and play them anyway. Anybody else had that happen?
No Mr.Gigolo , no aspie could beat you in that.
Last edited by LePetitPrince on 28 Dec 2007, 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm told that apparently "I'm too good for girls" - that's the reason why I'm single all the time practically.
As for actually having gf's, on both occasions they've asked me out, and within days dumped me. I don't quite get where I'm going wrong, because I'm actually one of those people that care for the feelings of others, and not wanting to jump into bed at the first possible opportunity. Yet the fact I was brought up to be respective of everyone, and I showed how much I cared for my gf's when i was with them, made them smile as often as I could and had a good laugh with them, my longest relationship is 8 days long.
Strange, much?
I just can't get it man... girls just won't go for me, or acknowledge my existence. Or if they do, they probably wind up thinking I'm too different or something...
I'm stressed man... very stressed.
I think you need to talk to lots of women, and learn how to approach them and use the right body language/tone of voice. They say 80% of success is just showing up, so I think you have to actively pursue women if you want to get one, like it or not.
Well like Redders said what happens when we get one but can't for whatever reason keep them?
It seems to me in any relationship tension has to be kept up. Maintain a "push pull" relationship. Thats maybe why "nice guys finish last " and "jerks get all the girls."
I WAS a jerk in my twenties. So I shaped up quit being a "Mr Gigalo" and my dating life has been dormant ever since.
Like I said. If you take the urge to get into bed with a woman at all costs away, I want the woman to be someone interesting and kind. Many I meet think being pretty is enough.
I WAS a jerk in my twenties. So I shaped up quit being a "Mr Gigalo" and my dating life has been dormant ever since.
For a lot of women, dating is just a sport. Love and respect have nothing to do with it whatsoever.
True. That is because they have been treated good their whole life just for being pretty, and not for anything they actually do. This lets them develop all sorts of undesirable traits and characteristics, and they will still get lots of attention from guys just because of their looks. I think if you really want a girlfriend, it's better to go for attitude and personality, and be willing to take a hit in the looks department if need be. I would rather be with a girl who isn't that hot but treats me really good, and isn't a pain in the ass to be around. Also, lots of hot women seem to suck in bed. They think they are doing you a huge favor just by letting you f**k them (attitude), and don't understand how to please a man.
Ok, my rant is over.
Yes I understand theres a tremendous pressure on women to be conscious about thier looks. An INSANE pressure.
But, . . . What about develpoing minds and hearts?
Years (OK decades) ago late night infomercials had this series of cassette tapes that you could listen to in your sleep and make you smarter. Last I watched late night it was an ex porno star selling some kind of penis/ breast enlargement creme.
Sure both ads were a lot of baloney, but the DREAM has changed.
What do we dream of? Wealth, celibrity, good looks?
Where are the people who dream of being self actualized? Who dont mind being 40 because that leaves them with 40 years of experience and 40 more to figure it out. Who do not judge a book by it's cover?
Oh, right. Those people are HERE on WP. Labeled as freaks.
I say right and wrong are not relative. Whatever is HEALTHY for an organism is right, what is unhealthy is wrong.( don't nitpick me you get my point)
Its therefore right to seek knowledge, understanding and look at life with a sense of humor, because its healthy.
To be superficial, to make decisions based on your own assumptions of what people may be thinking of you rather than whats really best, thats unhealthy.
I think we are right. The NT world is wrong (generally speaking) .
They want to know the latest about teeny bopper DUIs and we want to know the latest on the space program. But which makes it on the evening news?
Ok Im spent. And I'm preaching to the choir again. But the choirs' the only one that listens . . .
They want to know the latest about teeny bopper DUIs and we want to know the latest on the space program. But which makes it on the evening news?
Ok Im spent. And I'm preaching to the choir again. But the choirs' the only one that listens . . .
I know, it can be frustrating. We want to see progress, and enjoy seeing it, while others just want drama and entertainment.
I've even begun getting fed up with the Discovery Science channel, as they don't go anywhere near as in depth as I would like them to on what they about.
But there are women out there who will like you. But if you've got this crappy "oh whoaw is me, no woman get's me" attitude I don't get how you can like being around yourself let alone expect another human being to enjoy your company.
Get a cat, mellow out, learn to live with yourself, and if it happens it happens. If not, stuff happens, what the hell?
I believe that minus the loneliness, aspies prefer to be by themselves more then NTs. Telling to aspie to enjoy his company is like telling monkey to eat bananas. Chronic loneliness forces them to change because they are so much natural loners, nothing else would work.
I don't like to get scientific. The gene that makes us intolerant of loneliness spreads in the gene pool of aspies more then NTs. If an aspie becomes too happy the chances are he would die alone as he would not bother with NTs and socializing. A happy NT loves the NT world and would go socializing regardless of if he is happy or not.
Take example one of my workmate Gemma
She likes going to pubs socialising
I don't, but I go just to find somone.
She loves dressing up nice
I only do it to stay attractive
She loves posh cars
By by next year, so I can be one step up the social pecking order.
She love nice smelling perfumes
They are just a means to and end for me.
She loves smalltalk
For me it is just a means to and end. And it is very boring.
The list goes on.
Why would an aspie go through that unless they are VERY unhappy, and waste money in the process.
Last edited by Aspie_Chav on 29 Dec 2007, 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
I find the new women I talk to now to be too busy to show a little mutual intrest. I don't want to be ignored in the middle of a date because you got a text message. I dont want to call and say hi while you're chatting on line. I am not a multitasker when it comes to paying attention to people.
The biggest reason I'm single right now though is because women say " I'm not into games." Then they go right ahead and play them anyway. Anybody else had that happen?
One piece of advice: if a woman says she is "not into playing games" that usually means she is. If she really wasn't, her actions would be the proof. It's like the old line "I'll still respect you in the morning".
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
