I'm dating a girl now

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juliekitty
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08 Jan 2008, 1:12 am

Space wrote:

I just hate the idea that my AS could ruin a relationship.

Does she know about it?

If she really seems to be getting upset about your communication, you may want to tell her.

Yes, it might mess things up. But if your communication is causing trouble anyway, it may help.

She might think the problem is that you don't like her. That way you can reassure her that isn't the reason.

Who_Am_I
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08 Jan 2008, 1:21 am

Congratulations! I hope it works out well.

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Space
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08 Jan 2008, 1:50 am

juliekitty wrote:

Space wrote:

I just hate the idea that my AS could ruin a relationship.

No. I think it would be too much at this point to bring it up(I am scared she would reject me, at least as things are now). In a perfect world, I could be totally honest and up-front about it, but realistically, I think I need to be careful about when and how I bring it up.

If things get bad, I will tell her.

gbollard
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08 Jan 2008, 5:15 am

You don't need to bring it up, just admit to her that you're not "very experienced with this stuff". Tell her that you love her, that she's beautiful etc... and make sure you repeat these things regularly.

If she comes to the door wearing an outfit that you've never seen, particularly if you think she looks nice in it, then rave over it. Tell her that she looks "radiant" etc...

A lot of girls won't be so worried about the communication if you're complementing them a lot.

and look after her - appreciate her.

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iddqd
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08 Jan 2008, 9:58 am

How exactly do you tell a girl you think she's attractive?

alex
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08 Jan 2008, 10:21 am

Congrats!! :jester:

Space wrote:

I only asked her because we were hanging out on a platonic basis, and eventually she seemed to be saying over and over "I hate being single...I want a relationship..." I thought she meant in general but I guess she meant me (I didn't pick up on this). T

Usually when a girl says something like that, she means she wants a relationship with you. Good job in catching the hint!

iddqd wrote:

How exactly do you tell a girl you think she's attractive?

Simple: "I think you're attractive"

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iddqd
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08 Jan 2008, 10:24 am

I mean, without horribly embarrassing yourself or getting slapped in the face in the process?

alex
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08 Jan 2008, 10:27 am

iddqd wrote:

I mean, without horribly embarrassing yourself or getting slapped in the face in the process?

Why would you get slapped for saying "i think you're attractive?" Have you ever been slapped or seen someone get slapped for telling a girl "i think you're attractive?" It's a compliment and the girl will most likely smile (due to her ego being stroked) regardless of if she thinks the same about you. And you can only be embarrassed if you believe it's embarrassing. Besides, if you don't act embarrassed, she's more likely to like you back.

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iddqd
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08 Jan 2008, 10:49 am

Dude, If *I* randomly told a girl I thought she was attractive, I'd get slapped :lol:

0_equals_true
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08 Jan 2008, 1:12 pm

iddqd wrote:

Dude, If *I* randomly told a girl I thought she was attractive, I'd get slapped :lol:

Not necessarily. People say that sort of stuff all the time almost to the point that it starts to loose meaning.

Sure if you crossed the road to tell some stranger maybe they would be offended, it is not that much different from honking a car horn. But given the tiniest bit of context, I'm sure it won't hurt to tell a girl she looks pretty or nice.

Personally I woun't just say that as a matter of course, because it is quite unoriginal. I would rather be more descriptive of why I like them, which is probably not something I would do somebody I don't know.

0_equals_true
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08 Jan 2008, 1:44 pm

gbollard wrote:

Friends can become lovers. My wife and I were friends first... oh and we're still friends despite 10 years of marriage.

Should hope so, because I don't just open up a magazine and think I want to go out 'her'. I think I would find it hard if I didn't have a little while to get to know them before things go further. Call it what you like. How long probably depends on how I feel about them. I do have to balance throwing myself in there and complacency. Hopefully I wouldn't take too long, at least to affirm how I feel about them.

I do get turned off or think it is too good to be true by an offer when I hardly know them. Although maybe that is because I didn't fancy them or it was hardly a realistic prospect. People say/do odd things when they are drunk or clinically psychotic. As was the case the two times it happened to me. If people are falling over on purpose or they say they want to sleep with your friend right in front of his then fiancée and him, it is pretty obvious that it is not a good idea no matter how desperate I may be.

I just hope I will be able to act on my feeling when I have to because in the past I failed, even when they practically spelled it out to me. Space’s story is a good example of why you should trust you instincts and put your doubts to rest.

gbollard
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08 Jan 2008, 3:08 pm

Quote:

iddqd said
How exactly do you tell a girl you think she's attractive?

For a total stranger, there's not a lot you can do - you could run the risk of saying something like "wow - you're beautiful" etc.. it's probably 50-50 whether a slap is coming.

For a casual acquaintance, you can start with a simple "you're looking well" or "you look very fit/healthy" etc... and work up to "attractive".

For a girlfriend - jump right in and say it. Even better, say it with flowers in your hand.

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LePetitPrince
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08 Jan 2008, 5:12 pm

Do not tell her about AS. Not now ...and not even soon, keep it as secret to yourself because revealing it will do no good...but this is another story.

As a side note ,I believe that your friendship with her was not really platonic since she was telling you over and over :"I hate being single...I want a relationship..." and since yo u find her attractive in the first place...but this is another story too.

Anyways, congrats and good luck!

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09 Jan 2008, 10:09 am

gbollard wrote:

don't go too heavy on the compliments and the 'you are beautiful' so often that falls pretty flat on a lady's ear. Try "you are so beautiful to me." yeah, that is like the song, but that is why it is such a GOOD song, is because we are pretty sure how our 'beauty'rates (and you are never going to convince us otherwise about the world in general, but we are going to listen and believe if we are beautiful to YOU), but if we find a good man that we seem beautiful to. . well, that we can believe. And love you for!

all the best!

Merle

juliekitty
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09 Jan 2008, 11:11 am

Space wrote:

If things get bad, I will tell her.

That was pretty much what I meant, to use it if necessary.

Don't let her suffer TOO long thinking it's her, though.

Space
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09 Jan 2008, 3:05 pm

juliekitty wrote:

Space wrote:

If things get bad, I will tell her.

That was pretty much what I meant, to use it if necessary.

Don't let her suffer TOO long thinking it's her, though.

We've already talked about communication etc. She says she feels it is difficult to open up to me because she has issues with trust etc (we met in AA, and she hasn't been sober for long). She asked me to be patient with her and take it slow, and I said this is fine by me (probably the best course of action given our circumstances), and I just want her to be direct and honest, and for her to tell me what she feels. It made her happy that I can be patient and I hope it means we will do ok together.

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