Crush on A Girl, Told Her I was an aspie..Mistake?

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I think that being able to casually say, "I'm an aspie," shows confidence, which is attractive. And, like a lot of other people have said, if she doesn't like you for who you are, it wouldn't work out anyway.

I wouldn't tell someone right away because I would want them to get to know me for who I am without the interference of the AS stereotypes, but if they found out anyway, it would just be another way to rule out anyone I wouldn't be compatible with.

So I would not worry about it.

Honestly, I don't think telling someone right off is a good idea. In fact, I think you should wait until the relationship gets serious and there are issues it would help explain. I've made this mistake before and I regret it.

That is definitely true. Either she has no idea what asperger's is or she does and just assumes you're a "ret*d." I learned my lesson by telling a girl that. She probably pities her friend, i bet.

You should forget about her, she is a lost cause now.

More info on what happened please?

I agree. Let her like you first (not mine). As to adopting what I said in your signature.....as long as you realize I was trying to be politically correct and funny at the same time. That's fine.


btdt

I mention no names. But there are a number of NT women on this board who are deeply in love with Aspies. I'm married to an NT and we've been married for 20 years.

If you're young, it might be hard for the other person (man or woman) to accept the fact that you're an Aspi ("let her like you first"). But it is (as another poster said) a sign of character. What good is a relationship going to be if the girl, or the boy doesn't accept the other person's AS. It's part of who you are. And if you intend to stay with someone for a long time, it's not as if it's a disease, or your crazy, or sick, or weird (well.....I admire a little weird....I certainly am), but it's part of who you are, and it's part of what your love has to understand about you, just as if you're a guy, and you're going with an NT, you have to accept the fact that she's an NT, and make some allowances for her not understanding. Explain them, she will....just as if you care about her, you're going to sit down one night, when you're not tense, and say, look, I don't know if you know what AS is, but I'd like to tell you, because I really like you, and I want you to stay around."

Just my two cents.

Beentheredonethat

Sorry, I can't - see my latest blog entry.

Kevin's an aspie, I'm sure of it, and I know for a fact that he's no ret*d. Quite the opposite.

Not really. Don't jump to conclusions. I'm a girl and I've never pitied anyone (EDIT: Maybe cos I don't know how to, who knows). My female co-workers don't care about my AS (except one, and but she's a spoilt b-word), as long as I do my job.

The girls and dancing, the moment I met them I mentioned my AS and they didn't care, they admired me for having the courage to come out to dancing! And now we're friends.

Don't jump to conclusions, and don't judge. You'd be upset if she did it to you, don't do it to her, its not fair.

I don't think you should tell anyone right away. If she likes you as you are, then putting a label on the way your brain works is not important, and you should wait til you have a solid relationship before you tell her. If she doesn't like you, maybe there is a very small chance that she will change her opinion of you if she knew why you act weird or whatever, but I bet it is more likely that it would turn off any girl that barely knows you.

OK I agree if she has been hanging out with you dispite you acting weird you can give it a while.

I wouldn't explain it you didnt have too , plus its kinda personal.
And its not like its contagious . . .exactlly . . . . ?

I am one of the NT women that happens to care deeply for an aspie male. I'm the one that first noticed he had aspie traits. In my humble opinion if a relationship has a chance of working both parties have to be honest with each other. Having aspergers will only hurt the chance of a relationship if you try to act like something you are not. If she hangs out with you obviously she likes you to some degree. Maybe she doesn't understand what aspergers is. In a case like that you could explain things to her and help her to be able to relate to you better.

My last relationship was before I knew about aspergers. It was around the same time that my sister discover her son was autistic, however while doing research she though I fit the profile of Aspergers and suggested I look into it. It explained a lot of things.

I had date alot in the past and had a lot of bad relationships, I finally hit a stretch were I was ok and didn't "need" someone. Got lost in my work for a few years, and became very good at what I do.
Not highly paid, but I managed to save a comfortable amount. However, I have felt like I was losing connection with people.

This was the first time in a long time I had feelings for some that developed organically.

I have told only a handful of people that I am an aspie, for the most part it was had zero impact (like a dog being shown a card trick) or are generally interested.

In the past I would have instantly made a fool out of myself by coming on too strong...however,now I intend to make a fool out of myself in small measured steps.

She is hard to read though...sometimes the remarks she makes in any other context we seem sort of cruel if they were not "hints"... other times I seems like indifference. Granted we only see each other in passing. Although my interest is there, I am finding the intensity of the crush starting to wain.

no it is not a big mistake. Even if you are still dating and never told her you had aspergers she should like you for what you are. If you break up it won't come down to the disability.

I have many female friends and respect me and it has nothing to do with my aspergers.

Irrelevant whether it was a mistake or not, at least in this circumstance. You said it, and you really didn't have a chance to stop yourself. So short of refusing to tell anyone and living in a closet, it was bound to happen. As for whether it messed things up, find out. Ask her out.

personally if you have to hide your aspergers (or autism) then they do not truly love you IMO