What you NEED in a romantic partner, vs. what you WANT

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I have thought for a long time about this sort of thing.

Need:
-must not be a jerk if they can help it.
-can't be more out going than me, because I can't handle it.
-must be accepting
-must share pieces of their feelings, possitive or not

Desires:
-men prefered, because I can't marry females
-Frienship prefered over dateing and it's pesky rules
-They should have at least a little interest in adult stuff
-He must not fret verbaly over financial matters constantly. Real turn off, for me. I don't need a repeat of that.
-Not starving. Over weight, averege, or musclular is fine with me, though.
-Interested in at least the soft side of BDSM.
-limited gifts prefered. I also hate diamonds.

Rediculess desires:
-cocasion with freakles
-natural red head
-two interests suited for the adult folder

Too bad I'm a little young for you, because I fit almost all of that except for the fact that I'm not a ginger (redhed/freckles), and I'm absolutely not into BDSM... otherwise I am everything else listed...

That's gotta be the most important thing on your list!! !

Need:
Female
Affectionate
Beautiful

Want:
Intelligent
Happy
Healthy
Athletic
Atheist
22-30
Wealthy

i remember being in church one time, when i was a teenager, and the person giving the lesson had us make this kind of list... we just called out stuff we would want in a guy-- cute, funny, and so on, and she wrote stuff on the chalkboard.

and then she asked us, "Ok, so when you meet this guy, why is he going to want YOU?"
(that sounds like she was being mean, but really the lesson was about how it's important to do stuff like finish school and be a good person and take care of yourself.)

but i laugh mentally and think that very question whenever i hear men say they want a skinny chick with D cups.

of course, my own list is impossibly picky.

Need:
Intelligent
Christian but not a zealot
Understanding
Low Maintenance
Can be "one of the guys" but still acts feminine as well

want:
Gamer/anime fan (in terms of anime I'm not talking what they put on TV I’m talking keeps track of fan subs, and so on.)
Reads somewhat often
low maintenance.
A Fellow aspie
and a knowledge and enjoyment of obscure or "bad good" horror flicks would be pretty cool too

omg...i can't believe you put in wealthy. but then again, it is a want and not a need...and when you say beautiful, i'll assume you are talking physically? (you guys and your trophies...lol )
i have to chuckle at a few of these...not just yours, ben. i mean, i had my lists of needs/wants before i got married. it's funny. my husband is the complete opposite of what i thought i wanted...hell, my original list still haunts me. there are days when i wish i would have found someone who fit most of what i wanted. even some of what i wanted. gothic was probably one of them, musician was another and artistically inclined (needed someone who shared my obsessions) but my husband is absolutely none of those...but he is kind, treats me well, and loves me. and those things, in the end, are probably more important to me than any of the other things that were on my list.

and veresae, i do have to agree with what gwenevyn has to say...

i know if i was interested in you and read this, i would not make any attempt to start anything with you. probably for the exact reasons she has mentioned. and more. i would feel that i would never ever measure up in your eyes, and that i would be the one that you had to 'settle' for. sorry...i probably shouldn't have said anything...lol

Musts will take you nowhere.

Hehehe... Wealth is definitely a want and not a need. I would gladly take the poorest girl in the world as long as she had all of my "need"s, but if she had a lot of money, then I wouldn't have to work, so I could spend an extra 8 hours a day with her instead of working!

veresae, just needs to add another "need" to his list. He should add "Someone who understands that nobody is perfect and that two people can be great for each other even if they are not exactly what they think they want".

there's this movie with marylin monroe where she's being accused of being a goldigger and she just looks at the person with her big beautiful eyes and patiently explains that she doesn't love him FOR his money, but gosh, it sure does help. she wouldn't want him to be poor just like he wouldn't want her to be ugly. all other things being equal, who wouldn't take the rich person over a poor one?

Need: I enjoy being with her and don't feel overly awkward

Wants: brilliant (I can't possibly stress this enough), physically attractive, drinks, doesn't smoke, liberal, intellectual, passionate in life, passionate in bed, college degree, pursuing or has advanced degree, not a business-type or corporate drone, more adventurous than me (a point I'm not totally satisfied with in myself), athletic, caring/not selfish/not bitchy/kind/understanding/all that other good stuff, and a ton of other stuff that doesn't come to mind at the moment.

Wasn't saying it was a must thing. My 'needs' thing is more the must thing. Ok, so I find red heads nice. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like a brunett or blond either. Unfortunatly we are across several states to.

I need YOU , sweet cheeks

where have you been all my life???


needs:
-sanity - had enough crazy psychos and bunny boilers for one lifetime!
-emotional space, relationships for me are very intense! i need space, that doesn't mean i dont like you, why does NOBODY ever understand this?!?!
-love, but kept under control - a bit more than friendship, but NOT neurotic attachment... keeping on asking "do you love me do you love me" is an instant dumping offence
-sex
-variety

wants:
-more
-a few extra pounds
-romance.... i like to be a bit romantic, meals out and flowers and cuddly toys... but again please no neurotic attachment, no "oh they're SOOOO beautiful i love you sooo much", they're only bloody flowers!! !!
-anything different.. i like to try out new things and the unusual, all the relationships i've had have been different to the norm and each other, will try anything once!

Hahah. That's awesome.



Very good point--that's part of why I distinguish the differences between what's really important in a partner and what's more fetishy. The wants list is intended more as a list of qualities that I find attractive rather than all the things I'd specifically want in a partner. Like, I don't care if a girl is a BAD artist, but if she is a GOOD one I find it attractive. But I guess that wasn't clear. As for breasts, I really don't care about that much--most of the girls I've had crushes on have been fairly flat-chested. Again, just another attractive thing that, in the end, doesn't matter all that much. Also, for the record, most redheads don't attract me--they have orange hair. "Bloodheads" are quite rare, partly because crimson hair is only achieved through dye, and partly because it doesn't look natural so most people don't like it. But still, good point, good point.

On the reverse side, what if someone who did have all these qualities read this list? If she didn't like me she'd be totally creped out; if she did, she'd probably be more inclined to contact me.



Very good point. That's something I have often brooded about; say I finally met the girl of my dreams and she had absolutely no interest in me?

Well, then she wouldn't be the girl of my dreams, would she? XD

You can't change what attracts you, no, but if you'd only like someone who would never feel the same it's pretty pathetic. It's best to be attracted to people who have the qualities you want but at the same time have the capacity to be attracted to YOU. I wouldn't want to meet someone who was my dream girl in every way except she could never love me. That would just suck.



Which is part of why I think it's ridiculous that I find that body type attractive, and why I would NEVER have it be anything close to a requirement. Hahahah.

Having it as a preference is one thing. Having it as a requirement narrows your field considerably.

Mind you, I won't date anyone who doesn't dance, so maybe I should shut up.