why have I never had a boyfriend?

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Same.

My advice would be the same as others have said: You would definitely benefit from meeting other aspies. NT men can sometimes be single-minded, and expect women to fit into certain "roles" (the same applies in reverse as well, with NT women expecting men to fit into their own set of "roles"), and, as an aspie, you probably don't make sense to them at all. However, you would definitely make sense to the bunch of us here on WP.

As others have said, men who are also aspies would be one of your best choices. Male to female aspies are four to one (My goal is to find an attractive aspie woman to be with, and I know I have my work cut out for me). I recently met a female aspie (but she already has a boyfriend ), and I'm now convinced that other aspies are the best choice because of how easy it is for us to communicate with and understand each other (I'm not sure if an NT and an aspie can really form the completest of connections, although I know there are people willing to tell me otherwise).

I'm afraid I can't help here. I have honestly never had a girlfriend. I know nothing of dating rituals. However, I can say that most NT's lie on dating sites (men and women).

All I know is that I'm 34, and just last week, I barely learned what a friend is. (Please, don't laugh, people...it is funny though). I will be honest and say that I am not the slightest bit intimidated if a woman is more successful than I am. I would be proud of her and try to do what I can to help her; isn't that what a relationship is about? To me, it's whether there is chemistry between the two and if each truly loves the other (not this gold digging bs or "what can you do for me" bs either - a relationship is meant to be "how can we compromise to do something well" and "how can I help you"). But unfortunately, from what I've seen, most relationships don't work because one or both partners are too selfish, and don't spend the time to actually make the relationship work. Or they are abusive to each other. Understand, folks, that I can be and probably is wrong about all of this. I have AS, and at this old age, I'm just learning this stuff. Why so late is a very personal matter...let's just say that I have trust issues and am scared of females.

Anyways, I sincerely hope for the best for you, as you seem to be a very succesful person. But if you want a relationship with a guy, make time for one, as a relationship takes a lot of time and energy to build.

lol, are you joking?

You could say HAI, I'M 40 AND IM A GIRL, DATE ME PLZ, and half the men on this forum would send you a PM.

Wow. I have no idea. You should get out there

Sounds totally hot to me, are you in SF Bay Area?

Justy, I think you've at least seen enough of this factor - the dating world isn't logical. The things that make a person attractive are usually very subtle, subconscious, and have more to do with a person's flow and form rather than what they have to offer someone in the end.

I'm really not sure what you'll do to break out of this or if you will. I find myself in a similar situation and try, religiously often, to jar whatever state of mind it is that holds the most constants, keeps me on the same paradigm, just because I know that if I keep doing things the same way I'll get the same result (and so far, I feel like I have miles to go, for years and years of effort at this I never quite feel like I've reached 50% as new awarenesses keep coming online).

My only advice I can give is if you want to do things to attract guys, also make sure that your making those changes first and primarily for yourself either to make life easier, because you want to, whether it helps you deal with 'NT's easier, or whatever the case may be. Because we really can't control the world around us as we'd like to sometimes its probably better that when you do try to find means of change and implement those changes that you only expect the immediate benefits for yourself - a significant other is something of a plus (that is if they're of the caliber you'd want) but if that doesn't happen, you have to be emotionally ready for the fact that it could go either way.

You just haven't met the right one yet.

The problem is not with you, it's with them. Find you a nice aspie guy, I'll bet there is one waiting here for you.

I am the right man for that. You can't find a better one.



Never, that reason may be true for some male aspies but 90% of female aspies here have bfs or had many ex-bfs...girls don't need high social skills in order to get dates from men , just being pretty, cute and feminine is more than enough . Don't delude yourself about asperger because it's not the real problem in your case,I am sure that there's another reason.

Aspies might understand you better but don't let this fooling you,Aspie men are men and mostly have the same preferences of NT men , so don't try the advise of the above users, you'll waste time and many potential dates if you just seek aspie men(since aspies are rare on this planet).




That not bad. These are attractive body measures for women but I don't know about your face, eyes ,chest,legs ....so I can't assume that you are sexy just based on these descriptions.





I don't know how you look like so I can't judge if you are pretty or not.....but based on my observation, pretty girls usually find no hard time in finding a date. It would be really weird if you are really very nice looking like you are claiming about yourself ...or maybe like what you are believing about yourself /self-beliefs are not always true, they might be delusional sometimes. Better to ask someone for a honest objective opinion about your looks , even though it's hard to find people who can be honest in such sensitive issue. A professional in beauty centers (dunno what women call it) might be much more honest and bluntly objective.


The good news are ,unlike unattractive men,the not-so-pretty women can turn to sex goddesses with some professional assistance. , even mild plastic surgeries and slight make-up can change women's looks tremendously.





To be honest, you are bit late , you don't have much time left so better to act fast.




Looking young is an advantage in your case.




They are lying to their teeth....no one likes needy,farting, pyscho girls unless if they are gorgeous (many men are blinded by beauty, high beauty compensates the negative traits in women), there must be another reason such as not finding you sexually attractive enough for example.




Wrong.




Look at the famous gold diggers in the world, they are usually either sexy or gorgeous or slu*ty. This sucks but it's the truth.





shoot them, a dead joke can be inspected slowly.




Yes, the mindless giggling fangirl-mode works with most men, first dates is all about pretending honestly, being yourself is an ineffective strategy especially if you have many flaws.

You are already 40 so give up such useless ethical codes that take you nowhere (such as "I never pretend") and try different approaches (such as pretending),be flirty too.





I am almost sure that I will end up like you one day, you're welcomed.


PS:My answer is the most clear, uncondescending, unemotional here but it's the most true, the above males' answers are very delusional. julekitty's advice is not bad , online dating is good for women.

I agree with LePetitPrince only in that I don't think looking for Aspie men will help, and I don't think your Aspergers is at fault, but I disagree with the rest of what he says.

Men like to feel useful and play the strong protector, they are scared of strong women. Very few of them are attracted to women who don't need looking after. This is why psycho needy girls with low self esteem find it easy to get boyfriends. I have quizzed a male NT friend at length about why he has ended many of the relationships he has had, and he says that when the girls became more emotionally mature and no longer needed him, he felt restless and no longer as attracted to them. I suspect 2 of my relationships with males ended for similar reasons.

I don't see any reason why Aspie men would fail to feel this. Perhaps they would sometimes fit better with Aspie women, because they understand the girl's problems better and feel useful in that respect, but my guess is that there is the same minority of guys who like a strong, high-achieving woman among Aspie and NT men.

You are certainly not too old, you sound very attractive, and there are more single people in their 30s and 40s than ever before because of all the divorces - I definitely think you should not give up. I don't have any suggestions that I am sure would work. You could try thinking of how a boyfriend could help/protect you, and make that part of you more salient when you meet new men - but I don't really like that suggestion as it involves changing to get a man and that often leads to a short, unsatisfying relationship.
Perhaps you should look to meet men in other places, perhaps online.
Good luck - I think it really is a matter of luck.

(PS, it is a pity that you only like men, I think a lot of gay women would be very attracted to you - oh well, there is no changing such things.)

Heh. You could see how this thread was gonna go.

Anyway, without knowing you personally, I really have no clue why you can't find a boyfriend. Could be something with your personality or it could be foot odor.

I don't know personally why you've never had a boyfriend, but my question to you is, would you be that desperate enough to get with a guy who belittles you with a small mind not to mention a small conception of common since.

I mean there are plenty of men in the sea.

Yeah, that is a nasty issue. I think part of it is societal conditioning, part of it is guys seeing time and time again where a woman leaves the guy when she's either learned what she can from him or passed him in terms of certain strengths. I think in this case, what a lot of guys really need is a sense that a woman is really with him for her own best interest because there is something in him, in his personality or whatever else, that she can't get from the next person - that at least lends something much deeper and of course it takes a lot of maturity not only to show something almost like unconditional love but also receive it graciously (as in yeah, she'd definitely need to be with a guy who can handle it rather than thinking he has someone in the bag so to speak). Also, I think this part happens equally with both sexes, if someone is so far ahead of you in some aspect (social strength, intelligence, wisdom, life experiences, whatever) you can feel almost embarassed being with them just because you want to hold equal and give them a firm handshake but its above your means, and in that case its something you end up finding very difficult if not impossible to overcome - that I really don't know if there is a solution to.

In the end I think we just have to remember that human sexuality is something that, by the time most people are ready to marry, is just beaten numb - all the tests, trials, bullying from both sexes, hardening just do to life; all the little traumas stack up and we're lying to ourselves to think they don't (and quite often we can't even see the extent of developmental damage in these regards until we're given chances, blow them, and find ourselves doing things that we used to see other people doing - scratched our heads wondering what the hell was wrong with them, and to our horror we find ourselves doing the same things). I guess in that regard it just takes compassion and realizing this is just a very beat-up world full of very beat-up people, no one really chose it either, its just another thing you can compute into the basis of nature and the basis of what we are.

What she said.

BTW, learn to fart! and laugh! and learn to show that you need a man!

I think, like LPP, that it isn't AS that is the problem here, as women need far, far fewer social skills to get a date than men do. I don't know what you look like, but even ugly girls can get dates, so it's unlikely to be just appearance.
It's probably that men see you as emotionally remote and take it as 'I'm not interested' (most girls seem to want a stand-up comedian, and men are used to such demands, so many will interpret your lack of response to their humour as 'I think you jokes are pathetic' or 'I find you revolting'). And yes, many men are intimidated by successful, intelligent women - many either don't want them or think they're out of their league (usually, career women want a man that earns more than they do and aggressive women want a man more aggressive than they are).
I can think of two bits of advice, one is online dating. Men vastly outnumber women on dating sites, so the odds are stacked in your favour, especially as you're willing to ask men out and hence, presumably, initiate contact (shy men have huge difficulty dating and, if you add them fearing you're way out of their league, then it's obviously a good idea to sometimes ask them out).
The other thing is, if the guy's making jokes, do your friendliest smile and make eye contact - I don't recommend laughing because it's the sort of thing that fools no one in the end. But smiling and eye contact will hopefully signal 'I may not laugh at your jokes, but I still like you.'

Disclaimer: I haven't had a date for several years.