Advice please

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lelia
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25 May 2008, 9:17 pm

CanyonWind, that was excellent analysis. I hope he heeds you.

Space
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25 May 2008, 9:53 pm

Zara wrote:

Okay, I'll just put this simply. I feeling a little close to a meltdown right now and of course that means I can't think rationally...
So I had a date yesterday with a co-worker, as far as I know, it went very well. She told me she had a good time without me even asking her and was interested in doing something else again.
Now today I worked with her... we kept things pretty normal. We were getting off at the same time and I casually suggested we get dinner, but she had other plans which wasn't a big deal...

Thing is... I overheard her talking about the date with another co-worker and she was asked if "she could fall in love with me" and she said "no". No hesitation, just straight up NO, like she had already made up her mind.
No , my hearing wasn't off... that was exactly what I heard.

I don't know what to think right now... Why is she bothering to go out with me then?

I wanted to confront her... but just couldn't quite do it.
I waited with her outside work and tried to question if she really did want to go out again... No, she still wants to.
I tried to give her a chance to get out of this if she didn't want to hang out with me, but she didn't take it.

and now she messaged me, thinking I am mad at her... which I kind of am...
So I don't know how to respond right now because in this state I am likely to do something stupid.

So how should I respond?

Don't confront her about it, I don't think it will help. Just be cool and keep doing what you are doing... being too honest with women is not good I find. Just play it out and see what happens.

Zara
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25 May 2008, 11:10 pm

Sounds good CanyonWind...

No, I wasn't thinking of asking her is she loved me. I wouldn't expect any answer on that. I wouldn't know how to answer that if she asked me.
The thing that irked me was that she dismissed the possibility she could so early on. It just makes me feel I must have done something not right or that she was just playing with me. That's why I felt upset. (Now I do admit that maybe I do have some trust issues... There have been women I've known who have just played games on me for the heck of it and I was afraid that this might have been the case.)

I'm only counting on... ignoring that and believing that she had to give some answer. Even if she believes that, there's a chance that it could change in the future.

She told me that if she didn't like me she wouldn't have gone out with me or be making plans to go out again.

So I can assume she must like me. But at this point I think she's only thinking friends.

Thanks for the input everyone.

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juliekitty
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26 May 2008, 1:32 am

Zara wrote:

I wasn't thinking of asking her is she loved me... The thing that irked me was that she dismissed the possibility she could so early on.

Yep, got that. Big diff.

CanyonWind
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26 May 2008, 2:46 am

If she's just playing a game with you, she's sure putting an awful lot of effort into it. The possibility can't be ruled out, but it doesn't seem like the most likely explanation.

I'm sure you know that whether she ends up just wanting to be friends with you or whether she falls in love with you, or something in between, is ultimately completely beyond your control, like the weather. Nobody can control somebody else's emotions.

So you gonna spend time agonizing about what the weather's gonna be like next month?

Fortunately for you, your best course of action seems pretty obvious. Enjoy the good times, and let her feel comfortable while she sorts things out.

I've got a lot more experience with wild animals than I have with women. With wild animals, if you scare them, you're likely to get hurt.

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Sorenna
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26 May 2008, 5:36 pm

edit

Last edited by Sorenna on 27 May 2008, 11:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Zara
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26 May 2008, 7:53 pm

Just for the record I'm doing alright now. It's pretty much behind me now.
However I just had to try and snoop just a little... :twisted: let's just say that other people that know her believe that she does really like me.
Well, that sounds good enough for me.

Anyway, we're going to try and get together on Friday for our "active" date we've been talking about.
I suppose if I try to make some kind of romantic then I'll know for sure how she feels about this.

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