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The Fakeness of Men (in dating)

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Haliphron
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27 Feb 2009, 5:31 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Learning2Survive wrote:
wouldn't you prefer me to act fake if you did not like the real me?

NO!


IOW Learning2Survive, she doesnt think you can pull it off :P



mitharatowen
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27 Feb 2009, 5:34 pm

It's stupid and pointless to act fake imo. :roll:



ToadOfSteel
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27 Feb 2009, 7:27 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
It's stupid and pointless to act fake imo. :roll:

what if nobody likes the real you? I'm not endorsing the idea... hell, nobody likes the real me and yet I'm not going to resort to fake personality (although I do suppress the more negative elements in the real world in order to fly "beneath the radar", as it were), but I can understand why some would prefer to do so... even if I think they're wrong...



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27 Feb 2009, 7:33 pm

What if you have no personality at all? :cry:


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mitharatowen
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27 Feb 2009, 7:34 pm

Change yourself or screw everyone else and like yourself :P
Pretending solves nothing. People STILL won't like you. They might like the fake front you put up but that is not you. Besides, putting up a front is so stressful.. it's not good for you anyway.



ToadOfSteel
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27 Feb 2009, 7:42 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Change yourself or screw everyone else and like yourself :P
Pretending solves nothing. People STILL won't like you. They might like the fake front you put up but that is not you. Besides, putting up a front is so stressful.. it's not good for you anyway.


exactly... that's why I don't do it, even though it possibly represents my only hope in ever experiencing a relationship...



mitharatowen
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27 Feb 2009, 7:53 pm

Its better than decieving people into liking 'you.'



twoshots
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27 Feb 2009, 9:56 pm

There is something of an ethical problem there... :chin:


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starvingartist
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27 Feb 2009, 10:26 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
It is really depressing, just because lasting and solid relationships are built off of real and sincere emotional connection. The more you have to jar yourself into being something or someone else, the more you fry your ability to where - lets say you make this happen and end up in a relationship - when there's no real you, you can't be you, there's no happiness and your either breaking it off (if your more stand-up) or hoping they will.

The fact that this is the way society is going, and the fact that they really don't seem to care (people, men are getting played on this, women are getting played on that urge and getting bitter - it turns around and bites everyone back and forth) its almost like we're really saying, knowingly or unknowingly "Yes, we want eugenics back, we're tired of these loser males/females in this world and the best way, if we can't have polygamy we'll just abolish marriage and try to make sure that the only people passing seed or receiving it are up the pettiest standards of genetic worth"; that's what it seems to come down to.

That's not bitterness speaking, its sadness that people are really depraving and depriving themselves all in the name of conformity. In the past I was just as guilty of trying to get myself into a mode where I could make that work, partly peer pressure from my friends, partly just because it seemed like universal law; now I've realized I just flat out don't want the results and 'rewards' of that kind of game because they (the sort of relationship that results) really aren't rewarding or life-enhancing at all. Waking up, realizing you have dignity, realizing that you're calling the shots and setting your own pass grade based on what matters - even single that's heaven comparatively.

And yes, there are plenty of real women out there just like real men. Very sadly though, everyone's jaded, paranoid, and the good have their guards up against each other all too often, don't even realize the truth behind the next person until its too late and they've already passed.


very well said.....and yes, it is heartbreaking to watch these thing happen in the world, the way people seem to be submitting to some sort of conformist mass-insanity. the trick is to never give up -- even if you only get through to someone 1/1 000 000 times, that one time can be worth everything else if the person is really special.



Tias
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04 Mar 2009, 4:14 pm

QUOTE:
am saying that based on observation of my friends/male colleagues/male coworkers over many years. I witnessed how they fake confidence, niceness , perfection, self-esteem, image and how they keep telling stories and exaggerated adventures about themselves and how well they hide their insecurities and their anxieties. Women don't hide any insecurity around men because they don't need to, they don't need to fake confidence and self-esteem , they just need to look attractive and that's about it.


Thats just SO damn true, and i actualy confronted some girls in my class, and they were just SO DAMN stupid about it. saying thats how it is, "but thats just how it is" i mean like AAARGH D:

one would think that when you actualy confront them with such things they can see how wrong it is, but hell no D:



Haliphron
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04 Mar 2009, 5:59 pm

Haliphron wrote:
I dont see how male fakeness is anything new. There will always be men who are socially adept enough to figure out how to deceive and manipulate women into sleeping with them; EVEN though these guys arent exactly what they would have you believe they are. Those who pull it off manage to get in the sack with women and *sometimes* even convince women to marry them. But surely you've heard of womanizers and players. A lot of these guys are fakes and fraudsters but they KNOW how to play the game and manage to win..... :?

TutuFairy wrote:
Um...that wasn't really a compliment. That was more of a "Um, wow. That is really twisted. Maybe there is something about that that isn't completely wrong?"


Of course it wasnt a compliment! You've just proven LePetitePrinces point that honesty is really not attractive to Most women; in fact its rather repulsive and bland in their eyes. :lol:

I love how when someone suggests that a certain trait or set of traits applies to more than 50% of the population, some naive idealist steps up to promulgate "Im different!" :roll: If you REALLY are different and the exception to the norm than you wouldnt need to go around proclaiming it every time someone makes a generalization. :x



HELLOOOO! Did any of you people actually READ THIS?? :roll:
Dihonesty, as in insincerity(fakeness), is an exceptionally GOOD way to get what you want in life! And it Really works well with women; even moreso than men. :idea:



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04 Mar 2009, 7:44 pm

Haliphron wrote:
Haliphron wrote:
I dont see how male fakeness is anything new. There will always be men who are socially adept enough to figure out how to deceive and manipulate women into sleeping with them; EVEN though these guys arent exactly what they would have you believe they are. Those who pull it off manage to get in the sack with women and *sometimes* even convince women to marry them. But surely you've heard of womanizers and players. A lot of these guys are fakes and fraudsters but they KNOW how to play the game and manage to win..... :?

TutuFairy wrote:
Um...that wasn't really a compliment. That was more of a "Um, wow. That is really twisted. Maybe there is something about that that isn't completely wrong?"


Of course it wasnt a compliment! You've just proven LePetitePrinces point that honesty is really not attractive to Most women; in fact its rather repulsive and bland in their eyes. :lol:

I love how when someone suggests that a certain trait or set of traits applies to more than 50% of the population, some naive idealist steps up to promulgate "Im different!" :roll: If you REALLY are different and the exception to the norm than you wouldnt need to go around proclaiming it every time someone makes a generalization. :x



HELLOOOO! Did any of you people actually READ THIS?? :roll:
Dishonesty, as in insincerity(fakeness), is an exceptionally GOOD way to get what you want in life! And it Really works well with women; even moreso than men. :idea:


if you truly believe this, you are a very sad person.



Haliphron
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04 Mar 2009, 8:43 pm

starvingartist wrote:
Haliphron wrote:
Haliphron wrote:
I dont see how male fakeness is anything new. There will always be men who are socially adept enough to figure out how to deceive and manipulate women into sleeping with them; EVEN though these guys arent exactly what they would have you believe they are. Those who pull it off manage to get in the sack with women and *sometimes* even convince women to marry them. But surely you've heard of womanizers and players. A lot of these guys are fakes and fraudsters but they KNOW how to play the game and manage to win..... :?

TutuFairy wrote:
Um...that wasn't really a compliment. That was more of a "Um, wow. That is really twisted. Maybe there is something about that that isn't completely wrong?"


Of course it wasnt a compliment! You've just proven LePetitePrinces point that honesty is really not attractive to Most women; in fact its rather repulsive and bland in their eyes. :lol:

I love how when someone suggests that a certain trait or set of traits applies to more than 50% of the population, some naive idealist steps up to promulgate "Im different!" :roll: If you REALLY are different and the exception to the norm than you wouldnt need to go around proclaiming it every time someone makes a generalization. :x



HELLOOOO! Did any of you people actually READ THIS?? :roll:
Dishonesty, as in insincerity(fakeness), is an exceptionally GOOD way to get what you want in life! And it Really works well with women; even moreso than men. :idea:


if you truly believe this, you are a very sad person.


Based on my personal experiences And on everything Ive seen in the world and in life for the past 18 years(INCLUDING documentaries made by research psychologists titled Why we lie), I can say with complete certainty that is is a grim fact of Life. Call me "sad" but I do believe that it is better in the long term to choose Truth over Happiness.



phil777
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04 Mar 2009, 11:49 pm

It's a strategy used in order for some of them to reproduce more than they should. Doesn't mean everyone else has to abide by it.
There is also a certain problem with western culture trying to value Men as being tough, hardworking, etc. because you then witness a lot of relationship problems like violence within couples, car accidents (apparently driving a car doesn't mean the same thing for a guy (power , speed) as it does for a girl (freedom to go anywhere, way of getting around)) and abuse of a variety of traumas (like "taking "it"(pain) like a man") which forces males to hide their weaknesses instead of talking about it.

I can't say it's any better for the girls though, we have all seen the disney movies and the "princesses" and "charming princes" which are supposed to be set as examples for the viewers. How can you not have people trying to "act" fake after being brought up like this?

Moreover, i would like to add that males don't live as old as females because of what i've stated above (in most western countries anyways). And still there is inequity between the salaries? o.O Hehh.



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04 Mar 2009, 11:57 pm

I don't see why men even have to be fake to attract attention, or rather I don't why it has to be that way. Don't they know that women actually like for men to be themselves and be comfortable about it? :scratch:


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sojournertruth
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06 Mar 2009, 3:32 am

Tias wrote:
QUOTE:
am saying that based on observation of my friends/male colleagues/male coworkers over many years. I witnessed how they fake confidence, niceness , perfection, self-esteem, image and how they keep telling stories and exaggerated adventures about themselves and how well they hide their insecurities and their anxieties. Women don't hide any insecurity around men because they don't need to, they don't need to fake confidence and self-esteem , they just need to look attractive and that's about it.


Thats just SO damn true, and i actualy confronted some girls in my class, and they were just SO DAMN stupid about it. saying thats how it is, "but thats just how it is" i mean like AAARGH D:

one would think that when you actualy confront them with such things they can see how wrong it is, but hell no D:


Tias, if that's you in your av. then you're cute enough that some girl you know is probably holding a secret crush for you (and I say 'cute' because you look like you're about a decade and a half younger than me, not to belittle you).

Haliphron wrote:
Based on my personal experiences And on everything Ive seen in the world and in life for the past 18 years(INCLUDING documentaries made by research psychologists titled Why we lie), I can say with complete certainty that {lying working} is is a grim fact of Life. Call me "sad" but I do believe that it is better in the long term to choose Truth over Happiness.


This is why women are so picky about whom they date and why they generally take longer than men to get into the sack - they have to be around a guy long enough to know what he's lying about, if anything.