How to create a shell?

Post Reply New Topic

Well it sounds as if you might take a step back.

At home write a vertical line down a sheet of typing paper.

On one side put pros, or reasons it would work out and reasons it would be good if it did. On the other side put cons, or reasons she might reject you and things that would go wrong if you two began dating romantically.

In other words - put on paper the 'what ifs'. Then you can begin to look at things more clearly. If the possible cons do not outweigh the possible pros then maybe risk it. And just remember everyone has gone through this type of thing - been rejected, had their heart broken, or even found the person of their dreams. It's also possible it would be somewhere in between and you'd just date a while and then taper off eventually and break up. That's how most things seem to go.

But one thing I can tell you for sure is the things I regret looking back on when I was your age are the things where I still ask myself, 'What if'?

You will never know unless you try. Don't let her be one you think about in 20 or 30 years and ask yourself, "what if I had tried?".

Creating a shell, it's so..... boring.
If you like a girl for whatever reason, just ask her out. If it fails, so what. Plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

I'm not sure if you're just nervous and unconfident or if you're saying you're too 'love sick' to be able to function around her. We had a thread about limerence a while back, that's the horrible love-sick, obsessed thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

well see how things play out, maybe the bf will dump her and you'll get the 'rebound'. you never know, it's worth letting people know you're interested, just in case.

That seems a little demeaning of oneself.

I've been doing this for years, blocking emotions, blocking physical pain. The key is mainly to think about that single thing itself. Just stop and think about it. Not what it means to the brain. Think about what it truly means, maybe you'll understand.

The main emotion I am subject to is rage - I can take a couple if bad things, but multiple and I go ape.

Love is a harder emotion to block than most people think. If you think about what love is, maybe you can understand it. Maybe look at it from a third person view instead. Most love is physical, what is the first thing you look for by default? I am sure it's gender before anything else.

I've come across girls, I like a fair amount, I get their numbers, but I don't go on with it. I just treat them as I would any other person. There is no real need to treat them different although standard society doesn't agree. And girls like to be treated differently. I am talking about the gentleman thing....

Maybe I'm babbling now, and maybe a few comments on this - but hey ho, my perspective for you

If you really really do NOT want to date her...And can't absolve yourself of the desire to be with her at the same time...

First, be sure you don't want to date her.

If you're still sure you don't...

Then act like a total dork or jerk in front of her. You will soon be out of the running and relieved of the dilemma.

I've heard that depression is caused by irreconcilable conflicting emotions. I think that's true. Maybe yours is coming from the dilemma of whether or not you can handle dating her.

The other option is change inside so you feel you can handle dating her.