Getting Women to Take You Seriously

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Woah. Ticker's back.

And yes. that is definitively true. I am what should be considered on the spectrum for AS, but however, I can hold eye contact, I am a multitasker,(conversations and work wise) and I like just about anything food wise(with the exception of Liver)

Traits are not synonymous with AS, and as such there are NT's out there who are just like that, who get labeled. It's not their fault, they're shy.

Hi Gamester. Thanks for the welcome back. Yes some Aspies will become functioning enough as they get older to where they can date. But dating once or twice does not equal a successful adult relationship. Still there are other Aspies who will eventually marry. Maybe they had exceptionally good parents who knew how to socialize them correctly. Or maybe they are just gifted. But they are not the norm. A lot of AS guys are still stuttering unable to talk to another person or handle a crowded restaurant when they are adults. Many AS guys are like this and it is absurd to think they will ever get a GF acting like that. Some AS guys think they act perfectly around women when in fact the women laugh at them behind their backs. Women run from AS guys. Women have radar and can detect abnormal men. I've ran from several myself who were relentless pests. Good genetic material women do not want bad genetic material to father their babies; this is an inborn instinct in women.

Guys just need to quit hanging onto hopes and wearing their heart on their sleeves. Statistics throughout history say as an AS person you will not have successful romantic relationships unless of course you are Einstein and are quite rich then golddiggers will gravitate to you though I believe he was actually fixed up with a cousin who became his wife (which is kinda sad if you ask me.) Just learn to live happily as a singleton and get on with your life. Quit wasting your energy hankering after women. Actually when you finally quit worrying about it you often become more alluring.

I love the politically incorrect honesty , very few women admit about the alpha-seeking instinct as they find it somehow "disgraceful" and even "anti-feminism basics" .....
Careful Ticker, you might start receiving hate mails right and left from members here .

I wish I could say that Ticker's wrong, I really wish I could.

Except there's this data set taller than my house.

Other than the fact that it's the topic of this thread, I think we could leave gender out of this. It seems likely that females exhibit as much individual variation as males.

But neither gender exhibits much variation in how they respond to aspie guys.

Politically incorrect? Huh? I didn't even bring up race!

Look its not that women are being mean. Its just inborn instinct. AS genes equal socially defective offspring who are a pain in the butt to raise and won't leave home at 18 or sometimes even 30. You can see the same thing by looking out the window and watching the birds. That little prissy housefinch won't nest with the bad genetic male housefinch because he don't tweet the right way and make pretty song. So he must have bad genes and will never make a decent housefinch of himself. It's innate, inborn instinct. Humans are animals too and have the same instincts. Good grief just look at the volleyball teams having to reinforce bonding with ritualistic behaviors of touching butts & hi-fiving.

I ain't scared of no hate mail. I got plenty enough over my high falutin ideas that Aspies should work. God forbid! Thing is I speak the truth that others are too chickenshit to say. I'm a rough and tumble Southern girl, Werbert can vouch for that and ain't afraid to tell it like it is.

LePetitPrince I know secretly you long for a woman such as myself. I am honored, but I am saving myself for another woman.

Well, you just have to learn from those mistakes and not make them again. And if you do make mistakes, it's good just to act like nothing happened. I mean, what are you going to do? Stop and apologize?

No no , I never said you are mean , you are being absolutely honest and scientifically specific , If you read my old posts and threads you would realize that I completely understand the natural selection instinct in women and its importance for human's offspring quality for all the upcoming generations. I even presented a bird-system mating to be applied on human society (alpha males be biological fathers /beta males should be social fathers) , I am often called Eugenicist here....




Now now self-centered lady ...easy easy ...don't brag about yourself that much dear, if I said that I appreciate your honesty and the logic of your posts that doesn't mean I am some freaky weirdo crazy who's suddenly fell for you and started dreaming to live with your and sleep with you and such bla bla crap.... you might be an awful person or you might be a good person ... in both cases, to me , you are just a user with a nickname, nothing more,there's nothing magical about you.

I live in far far away country and I didn't even thought of you as potential mate deary and i I didn't even saw any photo of you to even begin with any such kind of thought, I have no idea how the hell you got that impression....

Bwaoop, Bwaoop, Bwaoop

Ding, Ding, Ding

Fundamental Error light just came on.

*people running around putting on helmets*

Reconsider all conclusions. Cancel previous post.


Ticker, first you're saying that the female instinct for selecting mates with "good" genes is absolute and immutably fixed.

Noting that the term "good" is an inappropriate value judgment. There's nothing fundamentally good about a peacock with a ridiculous tail that makes the animal conspicuous to predators, then drags three feet behind the peacock when it's folded, making the peacock easier for predators to catch.

A peacock with a ridiculous tail means "good genes" because females think it's cool, and females think it's cool because it means "good genes." Sort of a circular definition of "good genes."

But anyway, first you're talking about females having radar to spot genetically defective males, to pick the breeding partners with the best genes, then you say:

Hang on a minute. Don't get me wrong, if your instincts direct you toward other females as breeding partners, that isn't hurting me or anybody else, so there's no reason for me to object...

But natural selection couldn't possibly have selected for females breeding with other females.

So maybe female breeding preferences aren't quite so fixed in concrete.

So maybe there's hope for us aspie guys.

*looks out window, sees human female walking past on street. Opens door and shouts*

"Excuse me, did you know that a lot of fungi are haploid, they only have one copy of each chromosome, but still they reproduce sexually. How can a haploid organism reproduce sexually? I'm trying to figure that out."

*female crosses to other side of street. keeps walking.*

Maybe not.

There is hope, however it's when we try not to be something that we aren't. It's when we are ourselves, and do that, that women no matter what, will accept this. I'm AS, but I'm more NT, because all of my friends are all NT. And as such, I can pull off the whole NTness thing without a hitch. There are about 3 or so people within my immediate friends at my college who know I'm AS. though I don't say I'm AS, I say at some point I was diagnosed with Autism, and leave it at that, and they don't question it, but at the same time, they realize I'm normal........even with a nickname of Ninja.

There is a hope out there, and it's all about not trying to be impressive, but rather being unimpressive, and being yourself. That's what gets the ladies.

Wow, Ticker! Another woman who's almost as harsh as I am! (Though I prefer to call it "pragmatic.") Will definitely be checking out your back posts.

I'm guessing that men in general tend to subscribe to very narrow views of what terms such as "alpha," "confident" etc. mean. And then they can rail on women for having preferences they deem superficial etc, thus avoiding the entire honest look in the mirror.

Or then there's the classic "I'm good looking but all these hot women are going for ugly fat guys!" whine. Mostly punctuated by presumptions about the size of Mr. Ugly's billfold. The idea that MAYBE Mr. Ugly makes Hot Mama feel good, that he shows he gives a d@mn about her as a person, that maybe he makes her laugh ... all of those ideas get dismissed. If those ideas were even possibly true, it would mean that the whiner would have to face a lot of choices about his own approach. It's so much easier to stay single and blame the fat guys and women's insistence on dating uglies. (Or jerks vs. "nice" guys, a false comparison generally brought by self-proclaimed "nice" covert-aggression addicts.)

Earlier this summer I was walking an acquaintance to the train station after a small get-together. As we passed a couple of restaurants w/ outdoor seating, I noticed us getting a LOT more looks from men sitting alone than I'd have gotten on my own. I was dressed really well and it was a good hair day; he's adorable but probably not what most men consider "competition." Didn't matter. He wouldn't be interested in me, I'm pretty sure, but he listens and is insightful and sweet and really kind. Plus he's got a backbone and doesn't let anyone give him baloney. I'd put a lot of money on the probability that he'd be a much better match than any of the pretty gawkers would be.

There's also the clever pseudo-intellectual quasi-deconstructionist methods intended to distract from the harsh truth as stated by Ticker ...

But in response to the OP, let me put this indelicately:

The subject heading alone screamed widdle-biddy-boy-begging-powerful-mommyfigures-to-take-him-seeweeouswee. How about a thread on "beginning to behave as if I take myself seriously." Now THAT is a thread I could use.

I take myself seriously enough; rather, I see myself as a desirable potential mate to women. It's the women who don't respond in kind. (I am not looking for a "powerful mother figure" and would be turned off by any woman's presumption of such, for example, when some woman at a bookstore said she thought, if someone didn't know what they were doing in the kitchen, they should stay out (implication: and let her do the cooking) whereas I enjoy experimenting even if it turns out barf; her presumptious, I-want-to-take-care-of-someone attitude turned me off extremely).

I'm looking for sex and romance (i.e., someone pleasant and fun to be with). I don't see why this is so hard for women to get.

In response to the bottom part; so are most of the rest of the male race. But women are looking for companionship and someone to be there with them til they die (as stated in the whole marriage vows thingy)

I didn't say that you were. I was trying to convey the impression that you're treating women like powerful mommy figures.

You write as if "taking you seriously" is something they/we're withholding and should just be handing out to you, without you having to earn it like an adult. We're unreasonable because we don't automatically want to give you what you want as soon as we recognise what you're after.

That's a little-boy stance, whether you want a mommy figure or not.





Plenty of women want exactly this, though gamester's point about watching out for those who want happily-ever-after is a good one.

For the sake of argument, let's oversimplify and say 50% of women and 100% of men want what you describe. Assuming you only need one woman (though C.S. Lewis would argue a woman is exactly what you don't want), you only have to beat out one other man. Those are really good odds.

So. What about you would make a woman choose you over the other guy? The guy you have to trump is equal to you in looks, education, financial situation etc.

Have you even thought about what women want, what needs we have that could be met in the kind of situation you're looking for? It really doesn't sound like it. Which, frankly, is another aspect of the little-boy stance.

Your needs are clear and they seem to be all that matters in your worldview. Their fulfillment is hindered only by all those d@mn women refusing to take you seriously. You want, and we're the problem b/c we don't "respond in kind" - regardless of your failure to be of interest to us. The only time that dynamic is healthy is in a mother / young child relationship.

Your attitude, as I'm reading it here, is one I and many (if not most) women find anything but fun and pleasant to be with. And it sure doesn't inspire us to share fun times with said men, nor to be anything more than barely civil.

Someone in this thread claimed to be "not that bad" as AS traits go. Yeah ... well it's still not working too well, so personally I'd take another look at the next layer of AS stuff. There's so much more than to attracting & retaining the interest of the opposite sex than simply not repulsing too much.

First off who's to say all aspies are like the ones you're describing? I am certainly not. I don't think I've EVER ran out the door in a crowded restaruant. While I did monologue irrelevant facts to people as a child I certainly do not do that as an adult. Second of all while your post was right on target you ended up missing it anyways. You're forgetting about all the undiagnosed or self diagnosed aspies out there who are married and/or somewhat successful. What about some of the parents of autistic kids that end up getting diagnosed, fathers in particular?

In that study where they said only 6% of aspies are employed full time, there are too many mitigating factors in that statistic. First off many of the people in that study were probably brought to clinical attention due to some severe problems they were having like with employment socialization etc. The statistic also fails to take into account the many variables for their employment status. Some of them could be self employed. Some of them may have a spouse who is the bread winner and may only work part time if it all. Some of them may have other disabilities other than AS, whether they may physical or mental that prevent them from working. Not to mention the many undiagnosed aspies who are employed full time.

You also said in another post that a lot of aspies live at home til their 30. Well with our current economic landscape (atleast here in the states) it's not uncommon for a lot of NTs to stay at home til their 30. You also mentioned that one of the things that prevents aspies from dating is the fact that they can't drive? I've been driving for years, and so do many other diagnosed and undiagnosed.

While it is true that women are naturally inclined to seek out alpha male types and those with "good" genes there are way too many exceptions to the rule for this statistic to be taken as gospel. How do you account for women that date and procreate with men who are quite frankly losers. I am talking about alcoholics, coke addicts, and bums who are lazy, fat, ugly and refuse to work. I've also seen quite few women gravitate towards the nerdy types. How bout the ones that date metrosexuals? And again what about the many undiagnosed aspies out there that have had atleast some success in dating?

Granted your posts concerning the topic of aspie males and women is not totally off base there's too many generalizations for it to be taken as gospel.

I think you've hit the nail right on the head with this one. A lot of men (aspies in particular) tend to be really egocentric when it comes to dating. They're only concerned about their needs which are quite frankly simple to fullfill. They fail to take into consideration the many needs of a woman. Their needs vary from person to person and are often times complex, and sometimes unstated.

Like one things a lot of men do is lump women into one big category because of their past experiences. They make hasty generalizations like "all women want to be with asshones, but would rather just be friends with the nice guy" And just for the record yes that does kind of suck when you really like a girl and you treat like a queen, and yet the guy who treats her like s**t is getting p**** is quite a pill to swallow. However I digress, maybe some women, particularly young and inexperienced women tend do this but not all. Some genuinely want someone who will treat them right. And BTW women won't date you just because you are "nice" but thats for a whole other thread.


Ultimately no matter how well a man treats a woman men are only after one thing However women's needs are a lot more complex and variable. They key is to get to know a woman and see if you guys click. Otherwise no matter how attracted to her YOU are, things just aren't going to work cause the chemistry is not there.

My advice to you NH is for you to stop putting women on a pedestal and maybe things will go a little bit better for you. They're human just like you not just a goal for you to pursue. If you look at it this way your attitude will change and so will your approach.

^Finally someone with some logic.

This thread makes me think of the title Great Expectations.