Where did I go wrong?

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That sounds like a very honest and viable plan.

For what it's worth I didn't assume you had religious reasons. There are other ones such as you mentioned.

Good luck in the future.

I'll chime in too, then, since I'm also twenty! The thing with people and their premarital sex things is that they need to consider that perhaps interpersonal interactions might be more important than something that their church made them pledge to when they were in fifth grade. You shouldn't feel bad about having sex before marriage. Hopefully now that you've done it, you realize that you weren't struck down by a lightning bolt from god or whatever. Now that you have broken down this barrier, you won't have the same problem again!

The thing is, though, I want to wait until marriage for the above reason, not because I pledged something in 5th grade. So I'm not going to be having sex any time soon.

However thats assuming marriage is a strong mental and emotional bond. Marriage is a symbol and a "ritual" and when two people who truly love each other they don't necessarily need it. However they can to show how much they love each other through it. This love I'm saying can exist outside the boundaries of matrimony. You're lieing to yourself that you need marriage to have that "bond" like that. Religion shouldn't really have anything to do with love, romance and passion (and it really shouldn't). Abstinence is a heap crap it is a brainless move by the most powerful nation in the world to enforce "family values" (christian values) on young people while seriously screwing around with their heads. No condoms. B*(lsh*(.

I see the whole "abstinence until marriage" thing ALL THE TIME in people with Asperger's... I really don't know what the deal is... I mean, clearly these people did not come up with this idea on their own; it was fed to them. So I wonder if there is something about having Asperger's that can make people really dogmatic about beliefs that have been thrust onto them. I think that maybe, since we don't know how to act socially, when we're given a set of beliefs to adhere to, we don't know any better than to adhere to it and it eventually becomes so ingrained in our plans and thoughts that to stray away from it would be extremely uncomfortable. After all, we like our routines and hate change.

With most yes but with me, I until some people had the opportunity to explore the world and work it out for myself. For instance I was the one who decided not to go to church. I question their beliefs just like any other AS typical. I never spoke word of it until highschool about my thoughts on religion because it was so pointless. People love to be a part of a group, like "christianity people". Not for me not yet anyway, (I'm never an atheist or theist).

You know... you might be onto something there. It took me years to stop feeling guilty about sex and masturbation.

Well, I don't think I'm lying to myself. I don't want to have sex with jane doe off the street for a one-night stand like she so obviously did (Except for her, it was me >.<) And for me, I would only marry someone if there was a bond that was there. I wouldn't marry for the sake of marriage, like so many people often do. If I could replay this relationship, I STILL wouldn't have had sex with her, mainly because this bond (for a moment, taking up your argument that you don't need marriage to have that type of a bond) that I speak fondly of doesn't exist. It has nothing to do with religion. It's my own personal preference. At any rate, as you say, it's when two people "truly love" each other. I loved her, I thought anyway. She made a point of it to rub it in my face that she refused to fall in love with anyone. And I think that abstinence not only is the way to go (for me--hell, I'm not going to enforce this belief on anyone else, because for some people it works and some people it doesn't). Basically, I made a mistake. A BIG one. I figure that since I'm not able to pick up on emotion/lying/any combination of those two very well (my first ex told me she loved me...she was lying through her teeth, and I believed it), I should wait until marriage: then, I know the love I'm feeling is (presumably) reciprocated.

That being said, this is my own personal preference. I have always believed in it, and this event that I've had had no bond--regardless of marriage or not--which is why I deeply regret it. I want my feelings for the woman in my relationship to be reciprocated in kind, not just "bed him and send him packing."

Well, if you want to go that route, then perhaps my comfortableness with abstinence is because it's a routine, and (for me) it's a BIG change, a change I absolutely abhor.

my god that was your problem

jeez, I thought it was a more serious problem

whats done is done man
people put too much dwelling on "first time" and crap
you know

It is a "more serious problem." The feeling weren't reciprocated and I was duped into having sex with someone who quite frankly didn't care about me. YOU may not think it is a serious problem, but I think it is. I was pressured into breaking a vow I had made to myself, something that went against my entire values and systems of beliefs. And if that's not a serious problem, I don't know what is -.-

And I really don't think that my second answer above has any weight. And I'd rather not have even HAD a first time, thank you very much. I lost my virginity to someone who quite frankly didn't care about me at all. Nothing to do with "OMG! It's my first time! I hate myself for this!"

Oh, and did I mention it was unprotected? Half the time, I wonder if I have an STD that's not showing up.

yeah it would have done something by now
yeah it sucks-but you can't just sit here and feel bad about it
whats done is done
and now you are wiser because of it
these things happen-people break your heart
been happening for as long as humans have been around

Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks
But you guys think I communicated it well enough, and she should have backed off? That's what I'm more concerned about: whether i didn't communicate properly, and this is why it happened, etc., not so much that I was used for sex, but rather if I communicated that I didn't want to have sex properly.

yeah thats often a problem

see most guys want sex, and say they don't to you know seem sensitive
its different when an guy who doesn't want it for real, then what are they supposed to think

hey if its anything at least you got some, and can lord that over ass holes you don't like (who are virgins lol)

This true. So you would say then, I was kinda put into a weird situation whereas either I had to dump her and start over again (which is kinda like...it's hard to start a new relationship with someone you don't know), or I had to give in?

Personally, my lesson is going to be for now, just to lay low and if I get lucky and get a new relationship, then fine. But if I don't, I really don't care since the wounds from this one hasn't healed.

I kinda wonder if I'm asexual sometimes, anyway, because I certainly did not like (though I did at first) the sex.

And to your last part...thanks, I guess. Makes me feel a bit better

asexuals have some things easier I'll say that