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Can you fake confidence?

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slowmutant
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21 Aug 2008, 5:18 pm

Yes, that's correct. Your confidence in your ability to program a computer doesn't help you much when it's time to address the ladies. :wink:



Rainbow-Squirrel
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21 Aug 2008, 5:19 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Then is this case 'self-confidence' is very broad , what's the OP alking about here then is 'social self-confidence '


Considering he's talking about ATTRACTING WOMEN I'd say yes...



JohnHopkins
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21 Aug 2008, 5:24 pm

This is something that I learned from scrubs - if you pretend that you're confident, people will think that you're confident. And this is, basically, tricking yourself into being confident.

Just have upright body language, make sure you talk clearly to people, walk purposefully, laugh at yourself if you trip over (thought not too loudly, and if you actually fall over, don't laugh that much unless someone you know is there).

Once you learn how to fake it, you have it by default. It's worked pretty well for me.



Rainbow-Squirrel
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21 Aug 2008, 5:25 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
This is something that I learned from scrubs - if you pretend that you're confident, people will think that you're confident. And this is, basically, tricking yourself into being confident.

Just have upright body language, make sure you talk clearly to people, walk purposefully, laugh at yourself if you trip over (thought not too loudly, and if you actually fall over, don't laugh that much unless someone you know is there).

Once you learn how to fake it, you have it by default. It's worked pretty well for me.


For how long ?



JohnHopkins
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21 Aug 2008, 5:28 pm

How long what?



Rainbow-Squirrel
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21 Aug 2008, 5:32 pm

How long can you fake confidence ? I mean, can you build a relationship on pretending to be someone you are not ? Yes, you can, but it will not last long, unless both parts are really weak, in that case it will last but will not be much fun...



sinsboldly
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21 Aug 2008, 5:38 pm

Rainbow-Squirrel wrote:
How long can you fake confidence ? I mean, can you build a relationship on pretending to be someone you are not ? Yes, you can, but it will not last long, unless both parts are really weak, in that case it will last but will not be much fun...


John Wesley said "preach faith until you have it." AA said "fake it till ya' make it."
it is in the assuming the confidence that confidence is built. When you have worked the same social situation more and more successfully each time, confidence is built as a solid platform beneath you then you build more. It becomes you, not you become fake.

at least that is how it worked for me.

Merle


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Last edited by sinsboldly on 21 Aug 2008, 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JohnHopkins
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21 Aug 2008, 5:39 pm

I've been faking it for two years, and it's changed my life for the better. I've not sacrificed who I am. I'm still the same person, just a more confident version of it. More like version 1.1 than version 2.0.

Faking confidence doesn't mean you're being someone you're not. It means you're showing yourself more to the world. I'm not suggesting I pimp strut down the street. But I keep my head up rather than hunching over, and I'm unafraid to start conversations with strangers (you have to start small with that, like someone who works in a store, because you're 99% certain they won't be an a**hole back at you).

And even if it you do consider that a change to yourself, it's a change for the better. None of the friendships I've struck up since then were based on 'he's so confident!! !' They were based on them liking the parts of me they saw, that they didn't otherwise see when I wasn't confident.

Quite apart from which, the point of my post was that after you fake confidence for a while, it stops being fake.



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21 Aug 2008, 5:45 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:
I've been faking it for two years, and it's changed my life for the better. I've not sacrificed who I am. I'm still the same person, just a more confident version of it. More like version 1.1 than version 2.0.

Faking confidence doesn't mean you're being someone you're not. It means you're showing yourself more to the world. I'm not suggesting I pimp strut down the street. But I keep my head up rather than hunching over, and I'm unafraid to start conversations with strangers (you have to start small with that, like someone who works in a store, because you're 99% certain they won't be an a**hole back at you).

And even if it you do consider that a change to yourself, it's a change for the better. None of the friendships I've struck up since then were based on 'he's so confident!! !' They were based on them liking the parts of me they saw, that they didn't otherwise see when I wasn't confident.

Quite apart from which, the point of my post was that after you fake confidence for a while, it stops being fake.


I quite agree with you.



aeroz
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21 Aug 2008, 7:20 pm

well I refered to it as a paradox for this reason.

What I lack confidence in is my ability to attract the ladies. I am told if I had confidence that I could, then I will. But I cant get confidence that I can without succeeding, thus I need confidence to get confidence.



Apatura
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21 Aug 2008, 7:26 pm

I can't fake confidence, and the times I've tried have caused me to make a fool of myself.



sinsboldly
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21 Aug 2008, 7:38 pm

aeroz wrote:
well I refered to it as a paradox for this reason.

What I lack confidence in is my ability to attract the ladies. I am told if I had confidence that I could, then I will. But I cant get confidence that I can without succeeding, thus I need confidence to get confidence.


it's a real catch 22 if you think of it that way. There are *reputable escort services in many areas that you can rent a practice date. Go do something you would like to do with a date, dinner, museum, Comic Book Convention with an escort. Practice being with a girl, see if you like it, find out how actually easy it is.


Merle


* I worked for a reputable escort service in San Francisco, I went to a lot of stand around cocktail parties, business awards dinners, and was "Go Kart Queen" for a business complete with ribbon sash.


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21 Aug 2008, 7:41 pm

aeroz wrote:
well I refered to it as a paradox for this reason.

What I lack confidence in is my ability to attract the ladies. I am told if I had confidence that I could, then I will. But I cant get confidence that I can without succeeding, thus I need confidence to get confidence.


Try to "test" yourself, find some people act confident. Practice in a mirror. Those sort of things.



aeroz
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21 Aug 2008, 8:01 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
aeroz wrote:
well I refered to it as a paradox for this reason.

What I lack confidence in is my ability to attract the ladies. I am told if I had confidence that I could, then I will. But I cant get confidence that I can without succeeding, thus I need confidence to get confidence.


it's a real catch 22 if you think of it that way. There are *reputable escort services in many areas that you can rent a practice date. Go do something you would like to do with a date, dinner, museum, Comic Book Convention with an escort. Practice being with a girl, see if you like it, find out how actually easy it is.

the date isn't the issue, I mean it is a issue but not the one I am talking about. My problem is getting the date in the first place



sinsboldly
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21 Aug 2008, 8:17 pm

aeroz wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
aeroz wrote:
well I refered to it as a paradox for this reason.

What I lack confidence in is my ability to attract the ladies. I am told if I had confidence that I could, then I will. But I cant get confidence that I can without succeeding, thus I need confidence to get confidence.


it's a real catch 22 if you think of it that way. There are *reputable escort services in many areas that you can rent a practice date. Go do something you would like to do with a date, dinner, museum, Comic Book Convention with an escort. Practice being with a girl, see if you like it, find out how actually easy it is.

the date isn't the issue, I mean it is a issue but not the one I am talking about. My problem is getting the date in the first place


yeah, well, I was thinking if you got to just chat with a girl while the pressure was off, then you have a successful social situation to build confidence to speak to a girl to ask her out.


what would you want to do when you do ask a girl out? any ideas?

Merle


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aeroz
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21 Aug 2008, 8:35 pm

oh I have no issue talking to girls I make female friends as easy as male. Though women show zero interest in me beyond that. I can ask a girl out, I just dont get a yes