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What I think Eharmony is worth...

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techstepgenr8tion
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10 Jan 2009, 3:15 pm

pakled wrote:
I tried one of those IRL companies in the early 90s (before the Internet took off). They wanted $1,600 for 5 matches. I left a small vacuum in the chair I was sitting in by quickly leaving.

I'm not sure how E-harmony charges (probably hundreds). I've heard stories that over a million people have been refused a site listing because they were too....whatever.

I tend to think that over a certain amount, you almost want to have the thing work, because the alternative is just too blasted expensive.


$1600 for 5 matches? Were they giving you guys full limo service or taking you to 5 star restaurants for full-course meals and wine? That's scary.

Eharmony's not supercheap but its nothing like that either. The cheapest way to go is $250 for a year, which boils down to something like a little less than $21 per month. That and one of my friends was indicating that a lot of sites have online coupons that you can grab for eharmony, don't know how much that will take off.



protest_the_hero
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10 Jan 2009, 4:14 pm

LOL i tried it once as a joke and it said i ws 1 of the 20%(or something like that) who they couldnt match with anyone.



ToadOfSteel
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10 Jan 2009, 5:37 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
This is part of why I also willfully hung back through most of my twenties trying to just wait for anyone who I was *really* attracted to on all levels; I saw one maybe once every three years. Friends got after me about dating, my answer was "I don't like anything that's available". Not that I even wanted a 10/10 beauty, not even close, I think it was more like I was looking - and still am - for that right blend of atypical NT or mild spectrumite; if a girl's both somewhat attractive and I get an instant feeling of kinship like she's someone living my life - attraction goes off the charts. Sadly - I've seen maybe one or two of these on eharmony as well in about two years of being there off and on :/.


My issue is that I want to know a person before dating them. Dating sites don't give me that opportunity... and I don't trust someone else (such as the folks over at eharmony) to say "hey look she would be great with you", even if they showed a full scientific theory as to whether or not I would be compatible...

I also want to observe how she would react to third parties. Definitely an increased show of interest in me is noteworthy, but more importantly if she reacts incredibly badly to those around her, it could mean problems in a relationship...



techstepgenr8tion
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10 Jan 2009, 5:58 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

My issue is that I want to know a person before dating them. Dating sites don't give me that opportunity... and I don't trust someone else (such as the folks over at eharmony) to say "hey look she would be great with you", even if they showed a full scientific theory as to whether or not I would be compatible...

I also want to observe how she would react to third parties. Definitely an increased show of interest in me is noteworthy, but more importantly if she reacts incredibly badly to those around her, it could mean problems in a relationship...


I think I've been rather lucky in the sense that by looking at a profile as far as what someone says about themselves and especially by looking at a series of pictures in addition to that - I can tell what I'd be dealing with IRL for better or worse and what kind of personality they likely have, how we'd interact, and usually just to make sure I'm judging it fairly I'll go a few rounds of guided communication to see whether my hunches are on point or way off.

Like you said though - I don't trust that concept either. I still have a bias in thinking they may have trimmed off some of the people who'd be even further out in left field for me and reduced the clutter but as far as what they give me 99% of them couldn't work in my life. Its not a knock on them so much as self-knowledge.



elphie
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10 Jan 2009, 8:51 pm

I've tried various free dating sites and found them useless. All I found was boring, sketchy people. I subscribed to eharmony for three months (at a discounted rate) almost three months ago, and I've been much happier with it. I actually get too many matches, I have trouble looking at all of them! At first, I wanted to be matched with black men, and had no luck (can't blame eharmony, this is Idaho), but after removing that restriction I get several new matches everyday. Most of my matches aren't very interesting to me, but they do seem at least to be genuine, kind, non-sketchy people.

I haven't met my future husband, but I did acquire a sweet-natured and enjoyable lover, which is worth $60 to me. *shrug*

I think eharmony is really good for me, because I'm an awesome person who is also incredibly awkward. When I get nervous, I chatter, and I'm almost always nervous whenever I'm around someone new. However, if people get to know me first online, they know that I really do have intelligent things to say and are more willing to wait out the chatter.



Tias
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10 Jan 2009, 9:38 pm

elphie wrote:
I've tried various free dating sites and found them useless. All I found was boring, sketchy people. I subscribed to eharmony for three months (at a discounted rate) almost three months ago, and I've been much happier with it. I actually get too many matches, I have trouble looking at all of them! At first, I wanted to be matched with black men, and had no luck (can't blame eharmony, this is Idaho), but after removing that restriction I get several new matches everyday. Most of my matches aren't very interesting to me, but they do seem at least to be genuine, kind, non-sketchy people.

I haven't met my future husband, but I did acquire a sweet-natured and enjoyable lover, which is worth $60 to me. *shrug*

I think eharmony is really good for me, because I'm an awesome person who is also incredibly awkward. When I get nervous, I chatter, and I'm almost always nervous whenever I'm around someone new. However, if people get to know me first online, they know that I really do have intelligent things to say and are more willing to wait out the chatter.


All I can say is, that looks like advertising on how "great" the site is ( note the sarcasm )



pakled
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11 Jan 2009, 12:12 am

nah..the deal with the dating company was that you filled out a form, made a half-hour videocassette (like I said, this is almost 20 years ago). You could come to the place, look through the other videos, watch them, and send a note that you wanted to meet them. It probably would have been a ripoff...;)



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11 Jan 2009, 4:23 pm

I have been considering "purchasing" one of eHarmony's subscriptions but am wary as I'd rather not give them my credit card number just so I can message or converse over the phone with those of my "matches" that I'd like to get to know. As well a fair number who I'd like to "communicate" with fall between my age and their latter twenties and I wonder if what they write in their info blurbs is honest or just some ploy to find a woman and get her into bed.


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Space
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11 Jan 2009, 6:14 pm

I have a pretty low opinion of online dating based on my experience. I will say this though, I think communicating via messages for awhile might be easier for an AS person, or at least for me. It is easier for me to write well and coherently than to speak well sometimes. By speak well, I mean it is hard for me to sort out the right words when I talk.



techstepgenr8tion
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11 Jan 2009, 7:45 pm

Space wrote:
I have a pretty low opinion of online dating based on my experience. I will say this though, I think communicating via messages for awhile might be easier for an AS person, or at least for me. It is easier for me to write well and coherently than to speak well sometimes. By speak well, I mean it is hard for me to sort out the right words when I talk.


The upside of having a place with guided communication is that you can figure out who your dealing with and not have to ask a lot of imposing questions; those are built into the front-end process.



Space
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11 Jan 2009, 7:59 pm

Well good luck techstep, I'm sure you'll find her one of these days! I heard Eharmony has a pretty good success rate... If I was to join a paysite, it would be that one based on what I have heard.



JamesG
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11 Jan 2009, 8:19 pm

For what it's worth, I met my wife through Match.com. I was in Minnesota and she was in Oregon, where I was headed after an internship. At the time, it was about $26 a month (I'm sure it's gone up), or $51 for six months. I found it better than eHarmony, which was $50 a month (again, this was 2005), but hey, to each their own.

Of the 20-or-so people I met on Match, only one (ironically, the first) lied about being single. The folks I met were pretty open and honest, but then, individual experiences may vary. (laughs) I'm not trying to come across as an ad or anything...

We got married in mid-December of last year (last month, really).



ToadOfSteel
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11 Jan 2009, 9:08 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The upside of having a place with guided communication is that you can figure out who your dealing with and not have to ask a lot of imposing questions; those are built into the front-end process.


I don't like the idea of all that behind-the-scenes stuff though... having some computer send me a message saying "hey this woman would be good for you" is exactly the "we-know-best" type of customer service that I hate apple for...

Besides, I can't just go on a date with someone I just met, regardless of whether or not some matching program said I would be so incredibly compatible with this woman...



techstepgenr8tion
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11 Jan 2009, 10:17 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I don't like the idea of all that behind-the-scenes stuff though... having some computer send me a message saying "hey this woman would be good for you" is exactly the "we-know-best" type of customer service that I hate apple for...


Well yeah, that's not exactly something they hide from you up front.

BTW, I'm not trying to sell it, just not trashing it either (half afraid this thread may be taking on way more meaning than I meant it to somewhere in all the replies though). Just discussing.