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"I just want to be friends"

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Hector
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04 Dec 2008, 12:25 pm

I honestly find this line of rejection to be polite and well-meaning, even if it isn't quite sincere. I'd much rather hear that than the alternatives.



ManErg
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04 Dec 2008, 5:33 pm

Fnord wrote:
Redders wrote:
Honestly, how many people have heard this one?

Who hasn't? :roll:


Heard it many times when younger, but not for..... mmmm.... lets see where are we now? December, November, October, 2007, 2006. Oh about 20 years or so. :cry:

Right now I'd would make my decade, no, it would make my century, even my MILLENIUM if a woman said she "just wanted to be friends" with me.

Not that any of this matters at all. However bad you think things are, there's *always* someone worse off.


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Samara
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04 Dec 2008, 5:41 pm

I dont beleive i failed in any of my relationships. Like my last bf said 'i know i was the one that f****d up"
I am an Angel, no not really :twisted:



Last edited by Samara on 05 Dec 2008, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

ToadOfSteel
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04 Dec 2008, 10:44 pm

Hector wrote:
I honestly find this line of rejection to be polite and well-meaning, even if it isn't quite sincere. I'd much rather hear that than the alternatives.


I've been rejected in both ways before. I've had some women say "well let's just be friends" or "maybe some other time", and I've had women say "dude get the f**k away from me". Of the two, I prefer the latter; it gets the point across and doesn't leave me with a false hope...



Hector
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05 Dec 2008, 3:39 am

Well, I'm not under any illusions if I get that line anyway.



alex
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05 Dec 2008, 11:51 am

Image



AlexandertheSolitary
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05 Dec 2008, 12:20 pm

Redders wrote:
Honestly, how many people have heard this one?

For me it happens every time, and, whilst I appreciate the good side of it (knowing that the person in question has a strong friendship with me and doesn't want that potentially broken), it's starting to get to a point where I question why I bother anymore.

I mean, just recently a load of friends were trying to help me try and get with a girl I like (and according to them she was showing heavy signs of liking me), yet she too just wanted to be friends.

I just cannot see what I'm doing wrong here. Personality-wise (without trying to sound Egotistical, I don't mean it to be portrayed that way) all my mates think I'm awesome because my personality is so strong despite the AS (in that I can talk and tell jokes in an NT style - nowadays people who don't know me that well are shocked when I tell them I have Aspergers!). I'm friendly, I've never taken sides in arguements, I've always had a reputation of making all my friends happy when they're down and generally everyone turns to me for advice.

But where do those who give advice go when they themselves seek advice?

Again, I apologise if I came over as if I'm saying "I'm Great", because in reality, I'm not. I just wanna know why I keep failing and whether I should bother anymore.

I'll admit, a lot is on my plate right now - Personal Statement (to which I still can't think of what to write...) for University, A ton of coursework to do, exams in January, Christmas of course - but after this, should I even bother trying or just get on with my life alone?


The story of my life. I realise I should be more grateful than I am for so many wonderful friendships, but I am tired of every time I have developed a less than platonic interest in a lady, some other male, no doubt in his own way very admirable, not only notices how wonderful she is, but gathers up the courage to ask her out while I am still trying to resolve the ethical issues. Given her acceptance, I can only assume that she must reciprocate his love, and therefore it would be utterly wrong, as well as practically speaking futile, to seek to come between them.


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AlexandertheSolitary
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05 Dec 2008, 12:22 pm

alex wrote:
Image


LOL I like this plan, with its move from vulnerable altruism to diabolical genius. Any chance it might succeed?


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Samara
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05 Dec 2008, 12:23 pm

I say that all the time to men. In case they come onto me and i dont like them and then when i get to know them a bit better and i like them, then i can make the first move.
It's safer to be friends first. Like my psychologist said 'you dont wanna go in bonking.'



AlexandertheSolitary
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07 Dec 2008, 3:50 pm

Samara wrote:
I dont beleive i failed in any of my relationships. Like my last bf said 'i know i was the one that f**** up"
I am an Angel, no not really :twisted:


Maybe a fallen one? It was still probably all their fault. Are you single at present?

Welcome, daughter of Chava/Zoe/Eve.

Well that was subtle. Not. Forgive my impertinence. Nice to see some feminine influence in this thread. Do you have any advice to bestow upon us from the treasury of your wisdom?


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alex
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07 Dec 2008, 3:54 pm

AlexandertheSolitary wrote:

LOL I like this plan, with its move from vulnerable altruism to diabolical genius. Any chance it might succeed?


No that's the point. The reason a girl says lets just be friends is because you don't escalate quickly enough so she doesn't see you as a potential love interest.



Hector
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07 Dec 2008, 4:47 pm

alex wrote:
AlexandertheSolitary wrote:

LOL I like this plan, with its move from vulnerable altruism to diabolical genius. Any chance it might succeed?


No that's the point. The reason a girl says lets just be friends is because you don't escalate quickly enough so she doesn't see you as a potential love interest.

Surely that's not the only possible reason. Maybe they're just not attracted and wouldn't be no matter how quickly one "escalates".



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07 Dec 2008, 7:41 pm

alex wrote:
AlexandertheSolitary wrote:

LOL I like this plan, with its move from vulnerable altruism to diabolical genius. Any chance it might succeed?


No that's the point. The reason a girl says lets just be friends is because you don't escalate quickly enough so she doesn't see you as a potential love interest.


No the point is that Randall Munroe infused way too much creepiness into the concept for teh lulz... it's a shame too, since there are plenty of men that do that, and it makes the people like me who just want to know a woman before I start dating her get such a bad label thanks to the superficial similarities... That particular xkcd comic involved "making you depend on me" and "in a moment of loneliness you'll give in". I wouldn't do things like that at all.

Although the first 4 panels do make sense...