im lost and i want a girl

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Nice to run into you again, LPP. Please allow me to clear up the confusion - first, I support the route of experience over theory, not putting yourself on wholesale. If you want to beat a dead horse, let us return to the appropriate thread and we can continue that discussion over different approaches and theories, and perhaps compare results. Second, I asked about the once because that was the content of your post - years spent on one girl you loved. If there is more to the story, please share if you feel comfortable. My apologies for my error; however, do you mind actually answering the question asked of you in my earlier post? Thanks.

Hector... as a teenager, having a girlfriend wasn't the focus of my attention. I was lonely, isolated. I think you're smart to be open to others than isolating a single person and pinning all of your hopes on them. My concern is with those who are fixated on the idea of a relationship without knowing what that means, who they are interested, what they have to offer another person and what they desire in return. Extremes are prone to being problematic... moderation in all things, including moderation.


M.

Your lost and you don't even have a girl yet? Just wait until you DO get a girlfriend. Then you'll REALLY be lost.

You're 17. It shouldn't be all that serious now, but to be honest, I actually spent 16 and 17 with no girlfriend.

It's a time for experimentation, though that tends to get old folks up in arms... I don't know if everyone is 'hooking up' vs 'dating', but try to go out with several girls in sequence.

Girls (as I remember) get very annoyed by 'I want a girl, any girl', vs ' I want you'. Try to be light and casual. You'll be rejected a few times (everybody, no exceptions, gets rejected some time). Don't overanalyze, but listen to what they say, and try to figure out what works for you, vs what doesn't.

In time, you'll see some improvement in your situation. You won't find the love of your life on the first try (well, maybe once in a great while someone will), but eventually you'll wind up with more long-term relationships.

You never stop learning.

You may find it hard to believe, but I went to a singles meet-up for people my age, and as I walked in the door, it was all the women on one side, and all the men on the other, with 'no man's' land in between. Imagine middle-aged singles scared to death of being rejected (and this was prior to AS/NT being discovered). Doctors, lawyers, managers, no one would make the first move. So I did the bravest thing in my life; walking across the dead zone to the disapproving stares of about 50 women. I started chatting up the first interesting woman, and 'broke the ice'. A lot of people got lucky that night. I wasn't one of them, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

hang in there. You've got so much ahead of you.

Despite all the contrary posts; yes, you want "that" girl

"That" girl isn't necessarily the one that you think you want, but it sure as hell is the one you need. It's the one that accepts you ( despite your flaws as she/the world) ay see them) as well as the girl YOU CAN ACCEPT FULLY.

I've been with a girl/women who accepted me after I spilled my guts on how weird the world was to me and then she accepted me. We broke up. And you know what? That wasn't "the one that got away".

No, "that girl" is the one that accepts you for who You are; no explanation needed, no expectations other than that you'll do your damned best for her in your way, just as she'll do it in her way for you.

And you won't know if someone will be "That girl" after one sighting on the bus or in a bar. You'll know when you get tot know her and she gets to know you. "That girl" will be the one that allows you to be both weird (in her perception) when you need to and also will let you be NT when you have the need to be/practice NT.


Welcome to being male.


Awkward comes with being a geek. You really shouldn't worry about that, it gets easier in time.


Do you take care of yourself? Dress nice? Comb your hair? Brush your teeth? If you do all of those things, the "repulsiveness" is only in your mind. Have you asked how people view you? Can you work with that feedback?


Insecurity projection; again, don't worry about it. Either they're virgings themselves and are trying to be tough, or they're not and they're trying to be viewed as tough. Virginity to guys is Useless. It doesn't mean crap, except that if you lost it, you got laid.
And the first lay with a girl really isn't that spectacular, it most often is just awkward or you're getting to know eachother physically. If a guy tells you he had sex with a girl once, you can smirk at him because he didn't get to do it a second time, as that's when the real fun starts for the both of you.



Stop hating yourself first. It's hard right now, but in 4 years you'll look back and think "Yeah that sucked, but i'm doing way better now" and you get the satisfaction of judging how you've changed vs the people who're still the same they were back then.
And really, 4 years isn't that long (it may seem as such right now, but in 20/20 hindsight, my life didn't really start until i was eighteen).




Don't solely focus on sex/virginity/self-esteem. You'll miss out on the real good stuff; at 17, you're just starting to get to know yourself.

Merle has a capital M. Because it is a proper name, LPP. I get to be a real individual person, too, not just 'some girl' that happens to be the right gender for some guy to want. No wonder you have such a difficult time with women if you can't get that one little detail correct.
I have had three marriages, and widowed twice. Each time I got the guy I wanted, I didn't settle for just any of the right gender. As for 'growing up,' I think you are used to talking to children and forget what it is like to communicate with a mature woman.

Merle

RRGuy, if you're still reading this thread, I've been where you've been. I wanted nothing more for a girl to like me, want to be with me, want to kiss me and love me and wear pretty things for me. And given my awkwardness at the age you are now, I thought I'd never have one, and be cursed to see every girl on the arm of some other man who was better than me, because they were bigger or better looking or smoother talking.

I'm 35 now, and I can tell you to put that fear away. You will not die alone. You will meet girls. Some will like you. Some will kiss you. Some will have sex with you. I promise you that this is true. It's true because YOU will get better. You will talk easier, walk more confidently, and learn not to treat every new girl you meet as the last chance you have to avoid lifelong solitude.

You will because I have. I and every other man with AS have and will again. For now, my best advice to you is to talk to girls the way you talk to guys, to your family and friends. My biggest mistake was putting girls on too high a pedestal growing up and making them feel uncomfortable because I couldn't act natural around them. Girls are people too, you know. They eat, sleep, fart, burp, have opinions on stem cell research and scream at their mothers for not lending them the car. Not so different than you and me.

I like the way you think. Stick around.


M.

If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, I had just been dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years who was my first kiss, lost my virginity to, etc. etc.

I hadn't "missed out" but I couldn't have possibly felt more alone. I went into depression for a couple years. I was so broken I would just randomly start crying, sometimes during class or while driving. Little did I know, the guy I would one day marry was right under my nose and I had no idea at the time.

Regardless of what your friends say, there are worse things than not having a girlfriend. Maybe the girl of your dreams is just around the corner, or even right under your nose, and you just haven't realized it yet. Who knows?

And by the way there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 17. You have no idea how much I wanted to be a virgin again when I was 17. I think at age 17 the majority of people are still virgins. In fact I'd bet that some of the people making fun of you for it are virgins themselves.

When you're approaching a girl, just be yourself. Don't work it up or get yourself nervous.

One of the reasons I want to get to know a woman before I start dating her, something that is incredibly looked down upon in the US social structure...


One trick I've learned is to talk to women (even ones I have a romantic interest in) as if they were merely friends, and it becomes a lot easier to at least say "Hi, I'm..." etc.


I comb my hair, brush my teeth, shower, etc. (In other words I'm pretty good at maintaining hygiene...) I tend to wear jeans and a t-shirt (usually with some geeky and/or witty statement printed on it), although I swap those in for slacks and a collared shirt on Sundays. I'm still repulsive on account of being 100 lbs overweight...


Since I place such a low emphasis on sexual encounters, I've noticed that I'm not overall concerned with losing virginity. On the other hand, the fact that I've never even had a girlfriend in my lifetime weighs heavily on me...


I can attest to that. When I stopped being all emo, I instantly got like 30 friends overnight (although no luck in the women department), most of them just due to realizations that there were people out there that tolerated my existence...


If sexual gratification is all one seeks, then it's easy to fulfill. Unless the OP an amputee or a paraplegic, I'm assuming the he has functioning hands. If one has a bit of money and isn't living in the United States, prostitution is an option. Otherwise, stop worrying about sex and it won't weigh so heavily on you...

Then stop signing your bloody name in every post. It confuses new people (it confused me for a while), it starts being a pain in the *** to edit out after quoting your posts a few hundred times, and it's technically in violation of the WP posting rules:
Normally I wouldn't care, since the issue is so trivial in nature, but you're a friggin moderator... shouldn't you be setting an example for everyone else?

PS: Makuranososhi, you're guilty too...

It had the opposite effect for me. The names at the end of posts along with avatars help me remember who's who.

I've acknowledged my initial, and why I use it. Anything of substance remains in the alloted signature space. If it is an issue, I've not heard from a moderator about it, nor had complaint after I explained the purpose and formality of it - if it's that big an issue, please register a complaint in the WP.net forum and I will be glad to speak with a member of the moderation staff.

As for getting to know someone... my fiance and I were friends, becoming best friends, over eight years before our relationship started. Getting to know someone is a good thing - I think we agreed on this point in another thread, but that we differ in our definitions of dating and getting to know someone to a point where further discussion broke down from semantic stress. Weight does not define attractiveness; however, from reading your posts it has a great bearing in how you see and define yourself. Therein lies the difference, methinks... as I have been morbidly obese during phases of my life. Not something I'm proud of, but also something that isn't intrinsically part of me, and I am working to continue getting healthier now. It is not the whole of who you are or how you are seen by others; and in the time spent getting to know someone once attracted, they will see more and more of the person you don't reveal to passersby.


M.

I sign my posts because I must, Toad of Steel. Have you any knowledge of OCD? I am sorry if it causes you inconvenience. It is not my intention to do so. I simply must sign every post I make or not post at all.

[WrongPlanet moderators may edit any post that contains a signature in the text of the post.]

I moderate every one of my posts and it contains a signature in the text of each post, so I guess I am within WrongPlanet.net rules. If you object to my issues you might want to bring them up with another moderator.

Merle

Like I said before, it's not that big of an issue (which is why I usually ignore it, and have done so over time). But then Sinsboldly decided to go on a rant about how any reference should have a capital letter, and that's what set me off there. You were added as an afterthought (literally, I edited the post...)

In addition, it brought up a painful episode I experienced in a flamewar in PPR when I explained that while I refer to a particular faith with a capital letter, I don't refer to its adherents capitalized (therefore, the Christian faith, but christians) and someone (i don't remember who, might have been slowmutant or JWred but don't quote me on it) was like "WTF you're supposed to capitalize "Christian", and flamed me for a good deal about it... It must have been JWred because slowmutant is sensible...

I took no offense, just stating my case. I'm guilty of the same thing you were flamed for, and have gotten both burners in years past when I did so; admittedly, I may have been more antagonistic in my approach, but nonetheless is was aggravating to me as well. If Merle would prefer her name capitalized, she is certainly entitled to ask - but another can always disagree or do their own thing. One should technically capitalize a proper noun... *shakes head* English was never my strong suit.


M.

Simply asking would be fine, but somehow I think that:



is conduct unbecoming a moderator.

Of course, saying that Sinsboldly is being a pain in the *** isn't that much better, but then again, she's the moderator. I'm just a random member of no particular importance...