The Philippines

Post Reply New Topic

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWOgNxa_cT0[/youtube]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWOgNxa_cT0

lol oh wow

To be married to a Filipino 12 years ago, is one of the best things that has happened in my life. I have since then spend more than 8 months in Philippines, and I have met a number of other men who have married Filipinos. I have in particular met a number who appears to be asperger or at least borderline cases. It seems to be fairly common for men with asperger to seek a foreign partner.

There is a lack of men in Philippines, that a women can trust to be faithful, hardworking and a good husbond. In addition, many Filipino women find Western men attractive. I do not remember anyone talking about how sexy I was, before visiting the Philippines. As some of the writers note, a Filipino women may believe that some of your peculiar behaviour is because of cultural differences. You may find, that being and acting nice is considered a strong positive value in a man, whereas it in a Western country may be considered a bit wimpy. You may also find that work with IT or another technical area carries almost the same status as being a succesful doctor in a Western country.

This means that you have a good chance to marry a girl you can feel attracted to, and who will appreciate you.

What are the catches. In order to make this work you shall find a girl who will fit you, exactly as when you marry someone from your own country. You shall have similar views on meeting other people, on money and on what you want your house to look like. Filipino women are very kind, but those who marry westeners are in general personally stronger than Western women, so if there are conflicts, you will have to adjust. You shall not expect to marry an obedient girl, who just will do as you tell her.

In order to make this work, you will have to regard the marriage as a project. Sometimes you will have to focus on, to spend energy on, and to learn how to do right. It is even more difficult to marry someone from another country, than to marry someone from your own. You will have to find out about immigration papers, help your wife to adjust to your society, to get a job, and be ready to support her, when she needs it. Fortunately, many aspergers are good planners, who can go through these steps in an orderly manner.

If you believe, you can continue your life as before, except that you will have someone to do the cleaning and to share your bed, I have seen that the marriage will fail. You will have to learn to adjust, and to pay attention to her needs, even when she is not expressing them directly. I have found this is a very good way to develop your own interpersonal skills.

When living together in your own country, you may find that your wife easily meets other Filipino women, and that you suddenly get to know a number of couples consisting of Filipino Women and men from your own country. Some of the may be asperger, and you may find someone you can enjoy talking to.

Some of the writers have noted, that people in Philippines express their feelings more openly than in a Western country. For an asperger, this makes it much easier to pick up their non-verbal reactions, and much easier to get in contact with other people. You may also find, that being in a foreign country requires the same routines for figuring out what is going on, that you have relied on in your own country, so you may not find it so difficult to adjust to the Philippines. You can also avoid a lot of problems by doing what your wife says, when you do not understand what is going on. It is my experience, that even if something seems very strange, people in Philippines normally have a good reason for doing as they do.

At the same time, it can be stressful. Bring a good book or visit one of the big bookshops in Manila, bring an i-pod with music or whatever you need to relax, and arrange with your wife to have one or two days in the middle of your stay, where you are just you can be together at a hotel with a good pool without any of her extended family around. If it in any way is possible, arrange to stay in the Philippines at least three or four weeks. The time will fly.

Huh. Wouldn't expect to see a post about the Philippines on WP for whatever reason. I'm filipino, born and raised in this here United States.

My aspie traits seem to run counter to the characteristics of most filipinos. I've never really felt comfortable within my cultural community and, unfortunately, still feel detached from my cultural roots. My aspieness compounded with my jobless situation makese me feel like I'm in the caste system of "untouchables" when around other filipinos. I grin and bear it and try not to weird other filipinos out too much.

Ideally, I'd eventually rediscover my place within the filipino community because being accepted feels nice.

My cousin from the Philippines visited here for several days this week and it reminded me just how isolating it can feel to not speak or understand the language I'm supposed to be familiar with. Language weaves reality into a text that deepens one's connection to the world and disconnect is mostly what I know. Being around other filipinos usually only deepens that disconnect.

I know there are filipinos out there that my AS may be compatible with as I see that there are a couple of filipinos that have responded to this thread, but in real life, I feel like a ghost in the filipino community.

If you are white and marry a Filipina/Filipino, then your children are guaranteed to be gorgeous. Most of the pop stars and movie stars in the Philippines are of mixed ancestry.

But, it is also likely that you will be required to provide some expensive orthodontic treatments.

Filippina women just strike me as being submissive. I prefer some dominence/assertivness when it comes to relationships.

Hmmm....Now, I'm trying to think what country/culture would have the bossiest women--at least according to stereotypes...

Maybe Saudi Arabia?

No, I'm not sure on that one.

Wait a minute--the Philippines has had at least 2 female presidents. That puts them ahead of the USA in terms of who has the bossiest women.

Maybe it was a bad call. I just think the idea of two people deciding on eachother before they meet is a little pretentious. I mean if you're working in the context of getting married right off the bat, there's little room for any real expression. I'd rather know someone for a while before I even think about taking it to the next level. Not knowing who I'm marrying just leaves all kinds of room for error. But hey, if my way doesn't work, it's straight to a website and doing it the easy way.

A lot of American military men marry Asians. Not so many in the Philippines any more, now that Subic Bay is closed. But, some Filipinas are hired to entertain the troops in Okinawa, and such entertainments often lead to matrimony.

But, lots of Korean wives.

I've heard some really bad stories about military men getting out of control and being abusive/exploitative in some of these situations, that's the caveat I suppose. But I remember Ruby, she worked in records and she was hapilly married. She was a pleasant person to be around (in my clinic it was hard to come by). As far as most military marriages go, the wife is out sleeping with someone the day her husband deploys somewhere. I stayed single when I was in.

I just want to say that I had a terrible experience long distance dating a fillipino. Her family here in Alaska put much pressure to go over there and propose to her. They wanted me to talk to her all the time, and then I could not continue the relationship, it was just too much. After taking me in the family cut me off and spread nasty rumors to the cops so they could get money from my family through lawsuites. They burned me and made this poor man with moderate aspergers hide from society for several months. I am just now healing.

Peace

It is fine that the discussion is picking up. I have some additional comments.

A Filipino women can be very sweet, but she is often more assertive than a Western women. She may do a lot to make you happy, but she decides what to do. It is part of the Philippine tradition to be polite, and a Filipino woman is often shy when you first meet. However, she has grown up in a country where life often is hard, and in most cases she has had to learn to take care of herself.

About abuse. I have looked on some figures. They do not show that foreign women in a Western country are victims of violence more often than women who have grown up in the same country. However, there is a larger proportion of foreign women who seek out women's shelters. A study I have seend indicates, that may be because of emotional and marital problems. If you marry a Filipino, and she moves to your country, you have to learn to spend time taking care of her, and really to be patient and give her time to express what she feels.

When you marry a Filipino women, you also marry her family. So get a chance to see it and spend a good time with it before you propose. However, try to keep the communication and decision on what to do between you and her, without getting her family involved, and try to find out whether her family pressures her. If she marries because of their expectations, you may have a problem.

She may discuss you and your letters with her friends, and you will have to expect that. That is part of her culture, and keep in mind that your letters may be read by a whole commitee.

I will not really give any advice on whether to get in contact through personal contacts or the internet, or on how long time you shall know each other before getting married. There are so many different aspects that may influence it. Only, if you arrive in Philippines, do not make any promises the first three or four days before your jeg-lag has worn off.

-has often taken great pride that a country was named by him- :p

(Real life name is Philippe btw)

It looks like there may be enough expertise here to put together a useful, informative, and intriguing "Dummies Guide to Marrying a Filipina."

No doubt I love the Phillipine martial arts, though I doubt I'd go there to chase women .