I wont play stupid games...

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To the OP


You know, you should really not think to much and just live.
I mean, drop all those descriptions about your perfect date as if a girl is a toy or something.

If you just let things flow, you will be amazed on how things can turn out.

Like I used to spout none sense about how I wanted a Japanese girl because they are bla bla bla and usualy have morals and stuff.
I mean the person I ended up liking was way different.
First actualy someone who I thougth was abut annoying.


To rephrase it and in short, love can come in many forms and ways, and it's true

Are you guys not giving the OP a bit too much hard time? OK, he will very likely need to compromise at some point, that is right. But then, the idea of the ideal partner will very likely include things such as sense of humour, good looks and some intellect ... and this will be the case with many people when asked such question. As long as the OP accepts that he may need to compromise at some points, I don't see the problem here. Is someone flawless as long as he/she has sense of humor, somewhat good looks (not necessary be a model type) and somewhat intellectual? I would say those are pretty much common desires in a partner and does not imply being flawless at all.

well...there's also the counterpoint that with that many restrictions, your potential partner might demand that you be good-looking, intelligent, commonsensical...and...oh...rich. Or something.

Works both ways, y'know.

I've never found the ideal woman, but I've had a lot of good times with real ones...

I am well qualified to comment on this one.
To the OP:
I am 38.
When I was your age, I had standards for a mate very similar to yours. I refused to lower those standards over the years. In fact, I never lowered them.
I finally found somebody (NT female) a couple months ago. She met all the criteria, except for the common sense. She took my virginity. At age 38.
Conclusion based on my experience:
If you do not want to wait another 18 years to find somebody, you may have to lower your expectations.
It was a very lonely time and I do not recommend waiting that long.

Furthermore, we had a serious argument tonight, based around a disagreement about what constitutes logic, and how that affects our communication. We may be all done seeing each other.
If I'm single again, I cannot afford to wait another 38 years (or even 18) to find someone else. I will have to lower my standards.
It's up to you. But this is not a hypothetical example. This is what happened to me. I hereby forewarn you.

My advice: Work on yourself.

Through personal elightenment and maturity we tend to grow and out tastes evolve.

I can say what I once deemed "no way jose" is now in the same catagory as A-Jo and my ex-girlfriend.

If you want my advice that is it. Other than that, keep on trucking, we are all in the same spot you are for the most part, so unless you can be more specific about the advice you need e.g where to meet girls, or how to handle high stress or a first kiss ... most of us shouldn't really have all that much to say

Haha!

Well, apart from #5 I fit all those criteria. Unfortunately i'm 38 years old, and taken =P

I won't play stupid games either, and have spent a lot of my life being hated for it. Women are notorious for playing stupid games, most of all with each other. Few of my friends are female, and the ones who are have been carefully chosen and do not comprise stupid game-players of any shape or size. The majority of 20 year old girls (i mean no offence to all 20 year old girls, which is why i said "majority") have only just discovered that they can use sex as a manipulation technique for getting what they want from men, so they are busy testing out what games they can play. There is the odd good one out there though, so don't give up hope. You don't *have* to choose a life-mate now, because you're young and have a whole life to do that in. Your 20's is for testing them out

best of luck

ntchick

Here's the thing, people...you can tell someone all you want that they're being too picky, but it's not easy for someone to just magically change their expectations or taste. In fact, for many of us it's impossible, even when the intention is there. If you find yourself almost exclusively attracted to blonds, you don't just stop that, even if someone tells you to. It's beyond someone's direct control, what they're attracted to. Try looking at it from their perspective.

Besides, he's not asking for that much. Honestly, listen:

1: Attractiveness is certainly important, at least when you're young. Anyone who says it isn't is a minority or a liar. If you're not attracted to someone then you don't crave their flesh. How can you be expected to enjoy making out or sex? And the physical aspects of a relationship are damn important.

2: OP said, "Doesnt have to be a genius, I just dont want to date someone who seems stupid." I don't see what's wrong with that at all. If you find someone stupid, you can't respect them, and if you can't respect them then you can't love them.

As for 3: the OP clearly cannot stand those who lack common sense and you can't date someone you can't stand, obviously.

4: This is also extremely important in any relationship. Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry. With the right chemistry, something that could be totally stupid to one person becomes hilarious to you. Everything they say becomes amusing. It's that love-chemistry. Without it, there's no real love.

5: This one is also a no-brainer. C'mon, if the girl can't accept him then she wouldn't be dating him.

I don't see this criteria as unacceptable at all. He isn't asking for perfection. He doesn't say, "I want someone who looks like a supermodel, is the sweetest person ever, is brilliant as Einstein, is funnier than most stand-up comedians...." etc. No, his expectations based on this list seem very modest, very moderate, very rounded. More to the point, it's all necessary to making the relationship work. Perhaps the other posters in this thread would prefer the OP to get into relationships that don't, and would cause heartbreak or needless stress? As for dating people he just likes as friends, c'mon, people, why encourage that? A relationship requires the care and passion that a friendship does not. There's so much more pressure, and if your heart is not truly in it, then you should NOT be dating someone.

After thinking about this for awhile, I came to remember one person. The one girl that I would say is the perfect woman(at least that Ive met so far). She met all of the above requirements I listed. However, the most notable aspect of her had nothing to do with those. She made me feel good about myself. In my opinion, that is more important then any of the things I listed before. It was as if talking to her boosted my confidence and self image. However, due to my lack of social skills, I never made it past "work friend" status. And now, any chance I had to connect with her, is long gone. Ive tried asking friends how to deal with women. They treat it like its a game though. Like I need to score enough points through deception and pretending to be more then I am. I wont do that. Its dishonest, and I don't see how it could lead to a worthwhile relationship. It'd be like getting rewarded for something that you told people you did, but didn't actually do. I honestly don't know what I expected to get out of this thread. But now, I have a question. What is an honest way to get with someone when the competition makes themselves out to be better in every way shape and form?

I also fit all your criteria (though I am iffy on 5 since I don't know you) and I am also taken.

You will be hard pressed to find an attractive, funny, intelligent woman with common sense willing to compromise who hasn't already been snatched up by a man.

Those demands all seem fairly reasonable, except I'm sort of mystified by your demand for "common sense".

Apart from that, all I can suggest is that you don't obsess too much over who matches your criteria and who doesn't. I've noticed that a lot of people in relationships seem to change their "standards" to suit the characteristics of their significant other. You may find that certain girls grow on you in a way you don't expect.

Of course, by the time I reached your age I had accepted all of that, and in the two years following that I haven't got so much as a sniff of a date or an opportunity as far as I can see. So don't think the problem you have is just that you're being too picky; for all I know that could well be it, but there could also be a more profound issue.