Divorce

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02 Jan 2009, 7:16 pm

Graeme:
You're not "dissenting" from anything. You're answering a question that no one asked. Now we all know how you feel about the moral ramifications of divorce, but that isn't what Mithra wanted to talk about. Next time you want to insert your self-righteous moralizing into a thread, make sure that's actually the advice someone is seeking.

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02 Jan 2009, 7:23 pm

sunshower wrote:

I really am in no position of experience to comment, but if a person is in a loveless marriage, then I really think that divorce should be an option. I couldn't think of anything more miserable than being trapped and having to live with someone you don't love/dislike for the rest of your life, effectively dooming yourself to discontent and unhappiness. Nobody should have to give up their entire existence like that. And I also don't believe that anyone leaves a marriage for "no good reason". That makes no sense whatsoever.

I'm in complete agreement on all counts. Ultimately, the choice to divorce is entirely up to the people in the marriage, and not up to third parties or mere bystanders.

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02 Jan 2009, 7:24 pm

sunshower wrote:

I'm in complete agreement on all counts. Ultimately, the choice to divorce is entirely up to the people in the marriage, and not up to third parties or mere bystanders.

garyww
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02 Jan 2009, 7:41 pm

I say if in doubt then divorce him. If it turns out to be a mistake later on (and it does more often than a lot of people realize) then you can get married again.

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03 Jan 2009, 11:42 am

garyww wrote:

I say if in doubt then divorce him. If it turns out to be a mistake later on (and it does more often than a lot of people realize) then you can get married again.

Only if the other person wants to. The possibility exists that one person could find it to be a mistake only to find that the other one has moved on. Based on the responses that divorce can be emotionally taxing, I think this would be a likely scenario.

In my mind, I would lean the other direction (get a divorce only if you're sure). I would certainly get a divorce if you're in an abusive relationship because I don't think those have a chance at getting better.

Good luck.

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08 Jan 2009, 10:31 am

mitharatowen, I'm sorry to hear that you are thinking about a divorce. It's a difficult decision and it takes courage. I am a divorced NT woman myself. (He initiated the divorce, BTW)

To answer your questions - yep, divorce is difficult and a PITA. But it is much easier if you have a lawyer. Sh/e will do most of the paperwork and "bad guy" business (if needed). Having someone take care of the business aspects of the divorce leaves you with more time & space to mourn, heal and move on. Every divorce is different, but mine set me back quite a bit financially. Not bc of lawyer fees -- only because his income was much more than mine; a lot of the stuff we owned together was really his, it cost money to move and start over, it took time to adjust to a smaller household salary, etc. But that evened out after about a year, and now I'm very happy.

That said, I would say take your time. Talk to a therapist and a trusted confidante about your thoughts of divorce. Put some money away for yourself. Think hard about if this is what you really want to do, and make a plan if you decide to go through with it. Good luck!

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08 Jan 2009, 10:36 am

garyww wrote:

I say if in doubt then divorce him. If it turns out to be a mistake later on (and it does more often than a lot of people realize) then you can get married again.

I can't imagine a relationship ever being the same after that. Talk about damaging trust permanently.

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