Why do some men cheat?

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02 Jan 2009, 5:30 pm

Most of us are willing to to stand in front of the train in place of our partners only when the train actually arrives, until then it is just a concept few of us have to actually undertake.
We still cheat none the less no matter how committed we are.

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Fnord
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02 Jan 2009, 5:33 pm

garyww wrote:

Most of us are willing to to stand in front of the train in place of our partners only when the train actually arrives, until then it is just a concept few of us have to actually undertake. We still cheat none the less no matter how committed we are.

Some folks are just more discreet than others. The rest of us don't want to take the chance - we stay away from "Train Stations." :wink:

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02 Jan 2009, 6:36 pm

Fnord wrote:

JohnHopkins wrote:

Strictly speaking, any opinion is valid.

I've never met anyone else who has the same opinion as you, and it boggles my mind that you've managed to get married to someone if you've lived your whole life screwing whoever you want at any time. How exactly does one reach the point of this commitment when you spend half of your time sleeping with other people? And even if I was to buy into this philosophy, you'd struggle to find anyone else who did.

This reads like much of the fundamentalist morality propaganda they hand out at those "Celibacy Pledge Parties" the churches have around here. Not that it's worth much. The 'failure' rate is about the same for those who take the Celibacy Pledge as for those who don't.

And, for the record, your statement is inaccurate. I have not 'screwed' whoever I wanted at any time; some of them simply were not interested at the time, so I might have had to settle for second- or third- level choices.

There are many of us who feel the same way about 'cheating' - most of us are still single, and at least try to have social lives away from blogging, posting, studying, and working. If 'cheating' on a boyfriend or girlfriend is a crime, then it is a crime of opportunity; and there is a lot of opportunity out there! There is no struggle to find anyone else who shares this philosophy; you just have to know where to look!

How does one reach the level of commitment I'm enjoying now? Choice, kid. You make the choice to commit - especially once you find someone who makes a monogamous relationship worth the effort.

Cheating is wrong.

Why not say you straight up that you want an open relationship or not a serious relationship. If you want to screw around you should be honest about it and then it isn't cheating.

:roll:

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02 Jan 2009, 6:39 pm

'Open' relationships should be another subject as they are completely different.

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MR_BOGAN
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02 Jan 2009, 6:42 pm

how is an open relationship different? :lol:

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02 Jan 2009, 6:47 pm

MR_BOGAN wrote:

Cheating is wrong.

It's only cheating if you're married.

MR_BOGAN wrote:

Why not say you straight up that you want an open relationship or not a serious relationship. If you want to screw around you should be honest about it and then it isn't cheating.

Why assume that a relationship is exclusive when no such declaration has been made? Once the declaration has been made and agreed to by both parties, then it becomes a condition of continuing the relationship.

No one 'owns' anyone else's body. After all, it's all about reproductive freedom, right? So if single people can choose whether or not to even have a baby, they should also be able to choose whom they'll have that baby with, right? Once you're in a legally-committed relationship, the commitment itself defines who the partner is for reproduction, right? Otherwise, you can plant your seed in any furrow that will take it, right?

Right?

Last edited by Fnord on 02 Jan 2009, 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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02 Jan 2009, 6:48 pm

Fnord wrote:

If 'cheating' on a boyfriend or girlfriend is a crime, then it is a crime of opportunity; and there is a lot of opportunity out there! There is no struggle to find anyone else who shares this philosophy; you just have to know where to look!

By "shares this philosophy," I assume you mean okay to practice infidelity against one's significant other if unmarried. If you are talking to "open relationships," both parties agree upfront, so it's a different scenario entirely. If you're leading your significant other to believe you're in a special intimate relationship with him or her but engage in sexual behavior with others; obviously that's morally bankrupt behavior (i.e., cheating).

If you're talking about "opportunity," well, rape isn't legal, and neither is prostitution.

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02 Jan 2009, 6:52 pm

Call it what you will, unless you're in a so-called "open relationship," the consequence of doing whatever it is that's "not cheating unless you're married" is usually the liquidation of the relationship, ie: ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends.

Last edited by Cyberman on 02 Jan 2009, 6:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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02 Jan 2009, 6:56 pm

NeantHumain wrote:

By "shares this philosophy," I assume you mean okay to practice infidelity against one's significant other if unmarried.

It isn't infidelity without marriage - it's just sex.

NeantHumain wrote:

If you are talking to "open relationships," both parties agree upfront, so it's a different scenario entirely.

Open Relationship == No commitment == No marriage.

NeantHumain wrote:

If you're leading your significant other to believe you're in a special intimate relationship with him or her but engage in sexual behavior with others; obviously that's morally bankrupt behavior (i.e., cheating).

If there is no marriage, then there is no de facto legal commitment. If neither party ever declares sexual exclusivity, then there is no "leading on" and thus no deception.

Morality is a religious concept, and therefore has no relevancy with me.

NeantHumain wrote:

If you're talking about "opportunity," well, rape isn't legal, and neither is prostitution.

Nice Red Herrings you're selling there! Too bad I'm not buying any.

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02 Jan 2009, 6:57 pm

I have 'open' relationships with all of my past wives and lovers otherwise I wouldn't exist. How is it possible to do otherwise?

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02 Jan 2009, 6:59 pm

Cyberman wrote:

Call it what you will, unless you're in a so-called "open relationship," whatever it is that's "not cheating unless you're married" usually results in the liquidation of the relationship, ie: ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends.

Usually ... but unless you've cohabitated with one of your sexual partners, the liquidation is done without any messy legal proceedings or residual penalty.

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02 Jan 2009, 7:23 pm

Fnord wrote:

Morality is a religious concept, and therefore has no relevancy with me.

Morality is a human condition, I'm not religious. If I do anything bad, I feel bad about myself and I feel bad about bad things I have done in the past.

I don't know about you but I like to sleep easy at night.

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02 Jan 2009, 7:26 pm

I sleep very well too!

So sleeping disorders have nothing to do with morality, right? :wink:

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02 Jan 2009, 7:39 pm

MR_BOGAN wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Morality is a religious concept, and therefore has no relevancy with me.

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02 Jan 2009, 8:06 pm

garyww wrote:

Commitment has nothing to do with cheating.

Commitment has EVERYTHING to do with cheating. If you aren't dating the person, then you aren't cheating by seeing someone else. Unless you have the talk with them, its fair game. As for cheating itself, it's quite simple really: Happy people don't cheat. If he was happy with you, he wouldn't have cheated. End of story. Obviously he isn't right for you.

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02 Jan 2009, 8:07 pm

Fnord, talking of red herrings, I think your heavy handed definition of cheating only taking place in marriage is the biggest red herring of the lot! Surely we have a consensus on what 'cheating' is?
Not just in relationships, but life in general. If you have an agreement to behave a certain way, then do the opposite, you have cheated.

It's interesting that people have wildly different propensities to cheat. To offer a viewpoint that hasn't been mentioned yet: I find it interesting that the cheaters often say "it's opportunity. Opportunity is everywhere so how could I resist". Yet there are those who do not cheat anywhere near as much. Are they made of stronger stuff or just missing the opportunities?

There's another big split linked to this, in that there are those who say that sexual opportunities are simply everywhere, commonplace, ten-a-penny. And those who find such opportunities very rare indeed. A huge amount of the love and dating forum consists of posts made by people who find themselves in the latter catgeory. So to say "opportunity is everywhere" is not a fact, it is ones personal experience, like saying "beetroot tastes disgusting". I've many times heard people say "relationships just don't happen, you have to make the effort". Can we assume that cheating relationships are the same and also require effort and intention?

The other interest I have is about the conscience of those who cheat. The reason I avoid cheating in life in general is because when I do cheat, my conscience gives me merry hell. It nags away at me so much, I make a strong mental effort to be more honest in future. And that is with quite small things. In a relationship, I don't think I could live with myself if I cheated on a partner where we had agreed commitment. Maybe it's the residue of a catholic upbringing, but I'm sure my conscience would nag so much, I couldn't stay in the relationship. Why cheat when serial monogamy is perfectly acceptable?

Sir_Beefy wrote:

As for cheating itself, it's quite simple really: Happy people don't cheat. If he was happy with you, he wouldn't have cheated.

In general yes, but then there are people who are *never* happy for very long with any one person. Possibly people with sociopathic or narcissistic tendancies. There is nothing you can do to prevent them cheating because it is in their psychology. These people will not have any conscience to worry about.

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Last edited by ManErg on 02 Jan 2009, 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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