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Liking someone you know you will never EVER get.

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Dhp
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19 Jan 2009, 10:13 am

Aww...I'm sorry to hear of that, Hale_Bopp. I can relate to this very much. At the age of 10, I had a very intense crush on a intelligent female (who was also in my class - eh...not the teacher of course...lol), only to find out that she wasn't interested in me. You're not alone, Hale_Bopp...the grass is always greener...so some silly shepherd said (I wonder if he was drunk when he said that?). I just wish the best for you. Remember, there are 3 billion other males out there (some might be missing teeth though...)



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19 Jan 2009, 11:27 am

Dhp wrote:
the grass is always greener

I do not think the phrase 'the grass is always greener on the other side' is relevant in this situation.


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anna-banana
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19 Jan 2009, 11:32 am

all I can tell you is that it will pass. it always does eventually. it takes time, but what doesn't...

then there is always the electroconvulsive therapy to consider :wink:

I just write obscure Wikipedia entries and try not think about it.


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ToadOfSteel
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19 Jan 2009, 11:50 am

Welcome to my life... all I know is rejection...



drowbot0181
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19 Jan 2009, 12:37 pm

As somebody that has had his crush bubble repeatedly popped, the only thing I can say that has ever helped is throwing myself into another obsession (but not a person). Do you play video games or anything (that's one of mine)?



Kangoogle
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19 Jan 2009, 12:54 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.

In short: find a new one or wait for some time to pass.



robbokris
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19 Jan 2009, 1:48 pm

I used to have a huuuuuuuuuge crush on some girl who was in my maths class. I convinced myself that I was in love with her and also running scenarios and the like in my head pretty much all the time (except I always run scenarios in myu head with pretty much anything). She then started going out with one of my best friends and I was really jealous at first but then came to except it (but it took me a while to stop fancying her). Overall I had a crush on her for 2 years but I new that I would never go out with her (as much as I thought otherwise). It's a good thing I lost my crush on her actually, because after she split up with my friend her true colours started to show, and she's quite a snotty b***h actually. (But still hot though lol).



lotusblossom
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19 Jan 2009, 2:03 pm

cake and chocolate really help and failing that Gin is fab!

Unrequited love is the worst but also the closest thing to a relationship a lot of us will get.

I think I will go get some more chocolate!



anna-banana
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19 Jan 2009, 2:04 pm

^^I agree, but in moderation.

listening to loud hip-hop and hardcore punk also helps.


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Homer_Bob
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19 Jan 2009, 5:36 pm

You'll just have to move on. The more you think about the person in that way, the worse it is. You just have to come to terms with yourself and find other things to think about. I've gone through the exact same thing plenty of times. There's been some girls I'd really admire or want but I know I'd never have a chance with any of them. I've have stupid scenarios in my head on what I'd do if I were with her and what she would do for me and so on and so forth. One reason I can't have one certain girl as an example is because one, she's a lot older than me and two, she already has a long term boyfriend. I simply try to move on and think of other things. It's not easy but that's what you have to do.



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19 Jan 2009, 5:57 pm

Greyhound wrote:
I'm only attracted to people or characters I can never meet and I know what you mean - it hurts so much :?

I am like that as well, but with the opposite approach, the less I have the chance to meet, to know or to have something with anyone I may like, the better and safest I feel.


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Alicat1989
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19 Jan 2009, 6:12 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.


I felt ths way about one of my friends its hard coz u know u can never have them in my case i was the wrong gender but still be friends wiv them if u can love of a friend is better than love of a lover last longer. if that aint possible then try to find things u dont like about them and everytime u think of them think of that thing and the feeling of liking them will go away.


good luck
alixxx



Jwa
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19 Jan 2009, 6:14 pm

greenblue wrote:
Greyhound wrote:
I'm only attracted to people or characters I can never meet and I know what you mean - it hurts so much :?

I am like that as well, but with the opposite approach, the less I have the chance to meet, to know or to have something with anyone I may like, the better and safest I feel.


Wow! Then how would you ever connect with someone you really want!
Isn't this playing it too safe with your heart - it is like don't want to get hurt so will not take a chance at all!

I take chances all the time - at least that way at the end of my life I would never say "If only I..." :)

My motto - life is too short for regrets! Oh BTW if you do take a chance and someone breaks your heart don't sue me! :lol:



greenblue
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19 Jan 2009, 6:30 pm

Jwa wrote:
Wow! Then how would you ever connect with someone you really want!
Isn't this playing it too safe with your heart - it is like don't want to get hurt so will not take a chance at all!

Yes, I believe that's practically the case in the end, with some other issues to add, but I think I got used to it somehow, and it kinda seems normal when I don't give it any thought, I don't feel that desire that I had before, and I recently liked a girl who found nice but I decided to just fantasize and daydream about her and nothing more than that, which seemed satisfactory enough for me. What can I say, I am a big loner :)


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19 Jan 2009, 7:55 pm

I recently had my worst let-down feeling ever from this sort of situation. Took me a while to recover. I think I just about have, though I'm still kind of bitter. There are two things that can help this as far as I can tell: time, and finding things you like in other people. Whenever I feel particularly let down, I try to meet a bunch of new women.



Last edited by Hector on 19 Jan 2009, 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2009, 8:19 pm

Arcanyn wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Why is this so damn painful? Its like a knife stabbing you in the heart over and over and f***ing OVER again.

What can I do to heal? Please, i really need advice.


I know that feeling far too well.

The only advice I can really give you is to ask yourself, is that person as good as you think they are? Do they truly warrant your feeling that way towards them? It's very easy when you like someone to see them with rose-tinted glasses, to ignore their faults and see only the things you like about them; when in reality they may not be all that special if you were truly able to see them objectively. I've certainly been guilty of that before; this is an extreme example which hopefully isn't applicable in your case, but I once fell in love with a psychopath, and despite all the signs and evidence of these tendencies (which were in hindsight, blatantly obvious), my feelings for this person blinded me to these things. And then, even when I did see that person for who they were, it still took me years to finally get over those feelings I had. Rejection by that person really hurt, despite the fact that they were thoroughly evil, because my feelings gave me an unrealistic picture of who that person was. The reality was I was much better off without that person. Now, as I said, that's an extreme case, and I hope you never meet anyone like that, but the point I'm making is that you should ask yourself if the feelings you have represent an accurate picture of how the person really is. Have they really done anything to give you sufficient evidence to be justified in believing that there's a strong chance that you would be happy with them if they did accept you? Can you be really sure that you haven't exaggerated the positives about them in your mind? If you have exaggerated their good points, then you aren't missing out on what you thought you were missing out on. If someone is quick to reject you, it's probably a good sign that they aren't as good as you think they are.

I don't expect this to magically make the pain go away, but from my experience at least, trying to objectively scrutinise one's feelings can make them fade if they can be shown to be unjustified - though it does take some time after realising 'hey, this person is no good for me after all, I'm not really missing anything afterall', before the feelings truly go away.

Anyway, I hope this helps.


Thats the thing.. I know what this person is like, and I know he isn't worth my time. I just need to break the obsession.. hopefully it will be easier to do as I am well aware of the true nature of the person.