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Tim_Tex
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10 Feb 2009, 2:18 pm

I need to be told explicitly if someone wants to end contact.

My situation was upsetting. She had all the same interests, and she was a Christian--a combination that is extremely rare.



billsmithglendale
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10 Feb 2009, 5:23 pm

Women are generally not very explicit about anything -- they tend to not like direct conflict, nor do they like to directly hurt someone. I would just let it rest -- some relationships fade away or weren't meant to be, and long distance relationships especially suffer. It's not personal, its just a reality of the situation. Move on to greener pastures.



Tim_Tex
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10 Feb 2009, 6:18 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Women are generally not very explicit about anything -- they tend to not like direct conflict, nor do they like to directly hurt someone. I would just let it rest -- some relationships fade away or weren't meant to be, and long distance relationships especially suffer. It's not personal, its just a reality of the situation. Move on to greener pastures.


The distance was only two hours away, and she is an Aspie. Aspies are known for being direct, even if it's painful.



Last edited by Tim_Tex on 10 Feb 2009, 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

billsmithglendale
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10 Feb 2009, 7:14 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Women are generally not very explicit about anything -- they tend to not like direct conflict, nor do they like to directly hurt someone. I would just let it rest -- some relationships fade away or weren't meant to be, and long distance relationships especially suffer. It's not personal, its just a reality of the situation. Move on to greener pastures.


The distance was only two hours away, and she is an Aspie. Aspies are known for being direct, even if it's painful.

I am the type will keep e-mailing someone until I get an answer.


I would say you are wasting your time and maybe getting to the point of cyber-stalking -- it's very aggressive to keep at someone after they've made it pretty clear they don't want to stay in contact.. If someone doesn't respond, you don't have a right to keep bugging them until you get a response out of them (you might end up making that person get a restraining order against you), and if you have to do that, odds are the person isn't in the frame of mind you want. You won't always get an answer -- just be the better person, and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, including pretty Christian Aspies.



kiransalee
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10 Feb 2009, 8:14 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
When I was 20, I had the same thing going on with a 30-something chick in my class. There was mutual attraction, but I was a bit too chicken to make a move (we went on some dates), and nothing ever happened. She seemed somewhat jealous when I finally got a GF, and we never really talked after that.

Honestly, don't feel bad, it wasn't meant to be. Women in their 30s, unless they are somewhat dysfunctional, are pretty much on a different level in terms of needs. You're just starting out your life, and they see you as unstable and someone who could dump them for a much younger woman at any moment. Meanwhile, they are probably looking for marriage and to settle down quickly, especially if they are into their 30s and the biological clock is ticking.

Just think of it as practice, and keep practicing. And who knows, she might get bored or curious and come back into your life. Just be sure to leave it alone for now, don't bug her, and wait for desire to build on her end.


I'm over it, it was only slightly disappointing. Originally she said she wanted a guy older than her but I had to try anyways



Tim_Tex
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10 Feb 2009, 10:36 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Women are generally not very explicit about anything -- they tend to not like direct conflict, nor do they like to directly hurt someone. I would just let it rest -- some relationships fade away or weren't meant to be, and long distance relationships especially suffer. It's not personal, its just a reality of the situation. Move on to greener pastures.


The distance was only two hours away, and she is an Aspie. Aspies are known for being direct, even if it's painful.

I am the type will keep e-mailing someone until I get an answer.


I would say you are wasting your time and maybe getting to the point of cyber-stalking -- it's very aggressive to keep at someone after they've made it pretty clear they don't want to stay in contact.. If someone doesn't respond, you don't have a right to keep bugging them until you get a response out of them (you might end up making that person get a restraining order against you), and if you have to do that, odds are the person isn't in the frame of mind you want. You won't always get an answer -- just be the better person, and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea, including pretty Christian Aspies.


Once a month is the norm with my friend (and this is just a friendship), but I still e-mail her when something noteworthy happens, and she usually responds. But lately, she hasn't. As far as I know, she told me she wants to continue the friendship.

As far as being direct, I know my friend said she would never disappear without a good reason, implying that I would have been informed. I know enough about my friend that she insists on people being direct with her, and she has never been the type to just leave hints.

If the reason she's not e-mailing me is because she's busy with other things (school, career, etc.), I understand. But if she's purposely blowing me off, that's completely different.

Even if the friendship couldn't be saved, I would like to at least get to the bottom of things. As for finding a Christian Aspie, finding one means waiting for the 0.00000001% chance that someone will suddenly convert. And most Christians find animated sitcoms offensive.